Are you okay?

I suppose this can be considered my comeback post.
It contains no great literary excellence and would not be attractive to any magazine looking for new article writers, because this post has not been well researched.

What it does contain, however, is some truth.

Personal experience gathered through another series of painful episodes, and I have chosen to spew some of that experience here….because you just never know who needs to hear/read this truth today.
So if you’re reading, welcome to ‘my world’, as it is at the moment.

The last few months have been a mixture of negative emotions : fear, anger, hurt, worry, a sense of hopelessness fueled by unnecessary anxiety. And yet somewhere deep inside me there is this determination that refuses to just let me rest.
Because there have been moments in all of the above where I look in the mirror and think, “I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever”. I think I may have even said the words aloud on a few occasions. Whoops! 

Because, ladies and gentlemen, truth be told : Life sucks, for everyone. It never goes according to plan, no matter how successful you are – the merit of that success being whatever you base success on. We all have a vision for the way we want / wanted our lives to be. And nothing has gone according to plan. And guess what :

IT’S OKAY!!!!

I don’t remember who said it, or where I read it, but I remember in my early twenties that I came across the following statement ~ 

If life was meant to be easy, it wouldn’t have started with something called labor.

All the negative emotions of the last few months have deprived me of so much, mostly restful nights of deep, uninterrupted sleep. I’m exhausted. Because, truth be told, I am, for the most part, a positive and happy person. I have my moments, but they never last very long. Of late, they’ve lasted longer than usual. I don’t know how to handle the experience of such awfully draining emotions for more than a day. And it has scared me.

Anyone who has any influence over my life – and media in general – have forced the words ”suck it up”, ”it is what it is”, ”stop being negative” into my brain.

acbba77346e27d716bc6c9b535ee75ac54948e9712e3981ebfb5f29b23e95ef2_1 Photo credit : ifunny.co

 

(I don’t have a baseball bat, which I suppose is a good thing, all things considered)

Again, I repeat, if you find yourself in a negative space consumed by crippling emotions, IT’S OKAY. YOU’RE OKAY! 
People (the world over) want to force the beauty of life on us. 
Reality is that some days (sometimes for a few consecutive days) life simply isn’t beautiful. 

I mentioned earlier a determination that won’t let me rest. Guess what? You have it too. Somewhere deep inside you, it’s simmering. Because you’re still here. (And hopefully still reading this.)
We’ve all heard that life is a journey. Well…what journey is perfect? Your boarding pass gets lost, or your luggage goes to a different destination, or the weather doesn’t co-operate, or the hotel isn’t exactly what it made out to be online, or the food/travel made you ill, or……
There’s a multitude of ”’or’s” in life. Embrace them. Feel them. Experience them. Even if you’re there for a few days. 

My epiphany of truth yesterday was simple : I’ve had months of more than one bad/negative day. I’ve been in valleys of despair. But I haven’t pitched my tent and stayed there. Each time, I’ve reached a point (after a few days) where I’ve continued on….carrying a heavy load….but continued on, nevertheless. Slow, heavy, burdened progress is STILL progress!

And THAT’S why it’s okay, and you’re okay. If you’re still here, you’re winning.  

I’ve suddenly realised that it’s okay to say I am NOT okay, because that makes me okay. (That sentence makes sense in my head – here’s hoping yours can find the sense in it too!) There’s no shame in admitting that things are not great. And it’s probably my greatest achievement yet.
Life sucks. It doesn’t mean that I have to.
My life is going on…. and I am going to live it. Bad days and all.
And there’s no promise that the good will eventually supersede the bad.
But I’m sure as hell sticking around to find out…I’m a sucker for travel 😉 

6 thoughts on “Are you okay?

  1. Hi! 🙂

    Sorry to hear about all your negatives.

    Just wanted to let you know that Life, my life (and truthfully many, many other people’s life), does not ‘Suck’.

    It might not be exactly the way i thought it might be when i was leaving School, not everything i tried worked out exactly the way i thought or hoped – like my marriage for example (which i have learned is usually for the best!) but generally, each day is actually pretty darned good and when i look around at the fate of some on this Magic Planet i can say that life (at least MY life) is pretty good from where i’m sitting. 🙂 (<== look of unbearable smugness!)

    Mind you, i can see how thinking that it does would greatly enhance the possibility of it appearing that way and would tend to prevent the positive side of the ledger from having as much uplifting effect as it otherwise might.

    Sh*t happens – it might even happen to us. We cannot prevent it. But we have the power to decide for ourselves how we respond to it when it does.

    Reality appears to us to be what we most deeply think it is.

    My hope is that things begin to turn around for you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing your views. Always nice to read a fresh perspective.
    I guess the point of saying that ‘life sucks’ is that for many, that is the way they view it. But there is always the reassurance that it doesn’t have to – that it’s sometimes just a succession of bad days and not life itself, as such.
    Things are always turning around…. I am happy and I still have my smile. Just sharing a part of the struggle in case it helps someone else out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would like to say thank you for sharing a part of your struggles and I very much appreciate it.
    I would echo the comments of LWBut about life being good but actually I can’t because although my life is very good currently it hasn’t always been and indeed over the last 3-4 months I have had more bad days than good, so much so that I ended up taking 2 months sick leave due to stress and depression. My bouts of depression can be quite severe but also quite long and sometimes it can put a lot of pressure on my relationship.
    I too have hope – a hope for a better and brighter future, and very much like yourself I have experienced loss, grief, divorce 4 times but I have to say that the cost of my last divorce was the best £600.00 UK Sterling that I have ever spent, and since walking away from that marriage my life has improved immensely.
    I have experienced a greater level of joy and happiness in the last 5 years, than I did during 14 years of giving myself to someone who abused me in many different ways, but that’s okay because the lesson that I learnt was that I have the strength to carry on, that I have a God who loves me and saved me twice when I attempted to take my own life and that I can succeed when I set my mind to it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment. And I’m very glad that you have hope. It’s also good that you write…keep writing! It helps! People won’t always agree with you, but getting it out there can be very therapeutic.
      It’s a sad truth that people in our lives can have a disastrous effect on our well being. Not quite as sad though when we’re able to find the courage to remove ourselves from those relationships. And learning from those experiences? That’s most certainly a win! 🙂 Your lesson is fantastic! I too have discovered strength, but I’ve also gained the wisdom that there will be days where I don’t FEEL strong…and those days are okay so long as I remember that it’s in me somewhere and I don’t give up! Hope you have a super day 🙂

      Like

  4. OMG! This can’t be a simple coincidence. I had been (and still am) going through some tumultuous moments for the last couple of months. I have been plunged into the deepest wells of despair and hopelessness, but what kept me going forward, is the belief that whatever happens, happens for a reason. And the reason is far beyond our comprehending capabilities. I guess, falling upon this article of yours was a part of that grand plan. Thanks for sharing your views. I really helps when one feels it’s okay to be not okay!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your beautiful comment. I’m hoping your situation is improving. I’m glad you had cause to pause on my page. 😉 Just keep on keeping on. And remember that there some things we just simply cannot control. Sending thoughts of good things your way 💜

      Liked by 1 person

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