honest intentions are important

Yesterday was somewhat interesting. I got a late start to the day because I was busy with an email that was important to me. And then I had a phone call, which resulted in a couple of hours of relationship counselling for a good friend. It all worked out though, because when I was done, things fell into place for an outing with the kids. So no time lost, as such.

The relationship counselling really got me thinking.Β 

I have another good friend who has always been of the opinion that I will be single for the rest of my life because I am too honest, and there just isn’t enough mystery surrounding me to make me interesting – therefore, I am boring, and too upfront about where I stand regarding my feelings, and thus will never be a good partner for anybody. Since I have been single for a very long time, I am inclined to agree with her πŸ˜› If anyone shows any interest in me, I keep her well informed – especially if the feeling is mutual. And then when my feelings change, for whatever reason, I frustrate her by letting her know that too, which usually leads to me receiving a lecture along the lines of, “But don’t you think you could just say that you ….”

I love her dearly, and I know that at the end of the day, she truly just wants me to not ‘be alone’. That she sees me as a person with a lot of love to give, and wants me to find someone to share my life with. I am never offended by what she says – and I know that a lot of the reasons I am single are because of ME. Cliched, I know – it’s not you, it’s me – but it’s true!

The basics of the counselling yesterday are as follows : they met three years ago, and moved in together after six months. He only acknowledged them as a couple officially after they had been living together for the same amount of time. She’s almost 40, he’s late 40’s. He’s been married twice – she never has. He doesn’t have children, she has a son. They’re both very stressed work wise, and financially. Yesterday she hit him with marriage. She bought herself an engagement ring, and the pressure was on. He didn’t respond as she wanted, and I got a call. She was ready to throw it all away.

There’s a lot that needs fixing. They’ve said they’ll try. I don’t know what the new year will bring. For all their faults, they’re good together – they truly do compliment each other. So I can only hope they manage to fix the broken bits.

What got me thinking a lot was the marriage ball she threw in his court. Because when they moved in together, he told her he was never going to marry her – never going to get married again. And she told him she didn’t want to ever get married. And it’s been that way for three years – when people joke with them about engagement, she always laughs it off and says, ”Oh please, I don’t want to get married.”

So I was as surprised as I think he was. And I brought it up, of course. Her reply to me was, ”I only said it from the beginning to impress him and make him like me more. And I thought he’d change his mind. But it’s been three years, and I am tired. I don’t want to be someones girlfriend forever. I want more.”

Uh oh!

My children overheard a lot of the conversation – and yesterdays outing involved a lot of relationship discussion among us. It was interesting to anyone who may have overheard – the opinions of a 14 year old, 21 year old and 41 year old, on relationships and marriage. It was also interesting to me, as their mother, to hear what my children had to say. Especially about me πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

”Mommy might get married again one day, but I doubt it. I know she’s not looking for it, but I don’t think she’s totally against it.
Mom would make a good partner to someone, but they’d have to sleep on the floor because Toffee (dog) would be upset.
When we move out one day, Mom will love being on her own – I can picture her going out, and travelling, whenever she gets the money to.
(But my son says he’s never moving out πŸ˜› )
I can’t picture Mommy being affectionate with a man – I know she’s that type of person… but seeing her kiss someone ‘like that’ would just be weird.
Mom’s not into the way people date these days. She’s deep, and emotional. (me, deep….um okay?)”

There was a lot more. But last night, at suppertime, the conversation shifted to honesty and intentions, in general. And expectations. My son is still friends with a group of guys who’ve known each other since junior school. They’re all home from ‘varsity at the moment, and so his social life has picked up again. πŸ˜› He was filling us in on things that were happening within their group. With maturity has come change – and the dynamics of the friendships within the group have changed. He shared someone’s response to something that had happened, and I told him why it was a bad response – the intention was good, and the view was correct – but the way it was delivered was wrong.

So the point of ‘over’ sharing all of the above is this:

In an effort to impress others, we sometimes find ourselves caught up in saying things that are dishonest. As difficult as it is, your honesty will actually make the greatest impression of all.
Your intentions and expectations with regards to anything in life – your job, your relationships, your finances – need to always be clear… and in some instances (relationships in particular) it’s important that they are not just clear to you, but to others too.
Honesty – and truth – can sometimes hurt. The delivery of it matters. Hugely!

There is no one on this earth exactly like you – take a moment and realise and appreciate how amazing that actually is. You ARE valuable, to someone, even when you don’tΒ feel like it.

Live life on purpose / intentionally.Β 

Be honest about your expectations.

And in your honesty, always be kind.

23 thoughts on “honest intentions are important

  1. That’s a lovely, very honest post. I bet it was nice to listen to your children’s open opinions about you. And by the way, you are very straight forward and honest with who you are, it makes a refreshing change 😊

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you. I think I’ll definitely accept that compliment with a big smile! Refreshing is a great word! πŸ˜‰
      Being open and honest, and straight forward, can be a bad thing though. But I guess it’s my nature πŸ™‚

      Like

  2. Only boring people think that honesty is boring! :D. No but seriously, with honest people you can have awesome intellectual conversations. When somebody is honest straight away, you know they’re a good person. That’s how I perceive it anyway. Never apologise for high standards πŸ™‚ better to be single than with the wrong one

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your friends dishonesty with her man when she first hooked up with him, and now three years later, is demanding to get married, which is really dishonest of her to lure him in the way she did under the pretext that she never wanted to get married. That is so wrong. And then to insist that they get married by producing a ring when he’s still not very happy about the idea of getting married? This is going to create major problems in their relationship.

    If you can’t be honest from day dot then don’t even bother being in a relationship, I say.

    It’s cute to hear the opinions of our children about dating and being in a relationship with other people. At the end of the day you have to be happy with you and you have to be happy with the life that you have as well as know when it’s right for you to introduce a new person into your life. There is no right and wrong. It’s just dependent on what you want and what you are ready for at any given point in time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, unfortunately, that kind of dishonesty at the beginning of a relationship is a recipe for disaster. 😦

      You’re correct that there’s no right or wrong. Each to their own – and my kids and I are really quite happy as we are πŸ˜‰ Whatever will be, will be. But we’re sure not chasing something more when it comes to having a man in our lives πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think the above commentators are right. There is something about honesty that is refreshing and openness, whilst making one vulnerable, avoids future issues. I kinda like β€œwhat you see is what you get” people. I know where I stand. If they are my kinda people, great, and if not I know, and I can bless them and walk away. No pain, no time wasted.
    The pain comes if you are an empathetic and you know someone is hurting (and some of us know those things for the better or the worst). Then a brave face on the part of the other, or brushing things off with a dishonest β€œI’m OK” just brings pain. Much better the honest I’m hurting…and I want your attention, time, love. That would make the world a better place.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Awwww. I guess parents have hopes and dreams for us. It’ll all be okay in the end… and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end πŸ˜‰ So just keep on keeping on ❀

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s