More than this

We’re all on a journey – and sometimes it feels like the ‘road to nowhere’. But all roads lead somewhere.

It’s not about the destination itself though, it’s about the journey.

And sometimes the best memories, the most growth, and the most beautiful things can result from dirt roads.

When I go somewhere for the first time, and realise that I have made a wrong turn, I either do a U-turn and go back the way I came, or I seek an alternative route. But I DO stop. I pretty much apply the same to life. But on some of those roads, I seem to have got a flat tyre, and am stuck in one place a bit too long.
(Because although my dad was very responsible and arranged a visit to a mechanic for me when I got my first car, to teach me how to change the tyre, I’ve never done it since, and I don’t know now if I would be able to! πŸ˜› )

There is a blog I visit regularly, which is extremely thought provoking and more often than not, there is something that inspires me. Some days it even serves as a ‘kick in the butt’ for me. (And that kick is not always enjoyable, but it’s what I need.)

There is one person in this world who truly knowsΒ everything about me – she could probably even tell you exactly how I will react to most things. I think the fact that we are in two different countries and only had communication to aid our growing friendship has made us that much closer. Especially since we are both really good at communicating πŸ˜‰ And I guess the fact that we are both totally honest about what we perceive as failures and negatives is of even greater service to our ‘sistership’.
She is my ‘sister’, L. I mentioned her in a blog post here.

She knows my fears… and my fantasies. One day when we meet in person there will be huge, lasting hugs and many tears… and then she’ll probably give me an ass whooping!

Human nature is funny sometimes. Here’s this woman who I KNOW knows me better than anyone…. and yet when she tells me to do something, I hesitate.
Last year, she read a book. And she instantly let me know that the book was me! (Most of it was.) She told me I HAD to get it. I said I’d check it out… but I didn’t ever buy it.

I spend a lot of time on self-motivation and self-improvement and trying to grow in good ways. Accountability is key though – someone to not only check if you’re maintaining, but give you a push in the right direction and encourage you along the way. And there are days where I actually need someone to TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
It makes me a little bit sad that since I am usually the person mentioned above, I don’t actually have a physical person here who does that for me.
But I have L, and two other people overseas, who fulfill that role, I’ve discovered. (As strange as that sounds!)

Admittedly, the pressure on me is a little more, because there’s no one to see if I am actually listening!

Like, did I actually buy that book?

Then on Saturday I read this letter.

There are many areas in my life where I have managed to conquer the pain and fear of the past that would otherwise be holding me back, and no one is more thankful for that than me, because if I hadn’t I’d be a truly horrible person right now. But there are also still parts, and moments, where the lies (which elicited the pain and fear) somehow seem to shadow my heart and my brain – and hold me back, robbing me of confidence.

One of the things I have discovered about myself along the journey of the past few years is that I am a walking contradiction at times, ha ha ha ha!

I read the letter above. Then I read it again, commented, and read it a third time.
And that afternoon I went to buy the book ‘L’ said I should.

I read it, and kicked my own butt the whole way through. I am now going to read it again. In fact, I need to read it as many times as it takes to absorb it in my heart. For the heart of the problem IS the problem of the heart, in this case.
It’s all stuff I already know – it’s in my head. My brain says it repeatedly, and imparts it on others, ultimately helping them to break free from their chains.
My heart really needs to know it though. Once and for all. I don’t know how it will, but I am going to give it my best shot.
It’s going to be a real struggle – the lies I have believed so long? They began when I was 10. And they came from my mother. Year after year they have been reinforced by her. And added to. It was no shock when I was 12 and she started telling me that ‘she never wanted me’. Somehow she has always kept me in her life – probably because I was the only one she could control…and I let her, for fear of not allowing it and the repercussions thereof.
It’s taken many years to reach the place I am at with her – where I can be dedicated to her well-being and do things for her, despite the way she feels about me – and the constant reminders of who she says I am.

There are many books out there to help me on the way… and to help you. I think the fact that I truly identify with this one though has made it all that more special to me. It’s directed mostly to women – but I could still see some men appreciating some of what is said.

35542451._SY475_

Girl, wash your face

So if you have ever been told that you are not good enough? This book is for you.
Been told that you’re not thin enough, that you’re unlovable, that you’re a bad mom, that you deserve to be treated badly, that you will always be a failure at whatever you do, that you’ll never amount to anything, that your life is meaningless because it doesn’t look like your siblings/cousins/friends?
This book is for you.

Feel free to recommend other books to me. I’ll check them out, and when I can, I will do my best to buy them and read them πŸ˜‰

Off to start reading my new book again, because…

there must be more than this!

 

14 thoughts on “More than this

  1. Hi Meg,
    Another very insightful post and thanks for the book review.
    I am very much reminded of a sign that was on a bridge that Kath and I crossed whilst on a walk in the country it reads, ” The road less travelled often leads to the most beautiful of destinations”. I totally agree with this thought and often on my travels I have deliberately gone off route just to see what was at the end of the road, my Aunt always said that I had a sense of wanderlust and adventure, I used to see it as a way of running away from my present reality.
    I hope that everything went well with your Mother’s move on Friday along with everyone else and that you had both an enjoyable weekend and that this coming week will bring you much peace, joy and happiness. xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Paul! You’re always such a wonderful encouragement to me, and I am thankful that you read my posts, and comment, and care.
      Yes! I think that sometimes we focus so much on the road, that we miss the beauty around us. I agree with that saying… but we also need to be careful to not just wait for the beautiful destination, but enjoy the simple pleasures along the way. Because even on the hardest of journeys, they are there! πŸ˜‰
      The move was all right, thank you. It was hot and tiresome, and not without its challenges – but it happened without any major incident and for that I am grateful!
      I hope you have a wonderful week too. Much love to you and Kath ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Meg,
        I am glad that everything went okay although it can’t of been easy.
        I agree with you totally about focusing on the road that we miss the beauty around us. life is as you have said a journey and yes even on the hardest of journeys there are blue skies to enjoy, sunlight and beautiful sights to behold.
        i actually think that on the hardest of journeys that it is something that we shouldn’t lose sight of because when hardships appear then discouragement can also make an appearance.
        I hope that you enjoy the rest of the week and manage to find some time for you and your children. x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What you say is always very useful and very relatable πŸ˜„. And sooo open. I love it πŸ’™. I definitely want to read that book too πŸ™‚, and I’m going to have to kick my butt on that! I also need that kind of supportive interaction with people close to me to thrive :).

    πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yes ma’am. You are enough and the truth is we often time let external voices sound so loud to us and we forget our own inner voice – the God in you telling you you are beautiful, you are whole, you are capable, you have strength, you are loved, etc.

    You are loved and cherished by Him ma’am. And you are enough in Him!
    πŸ€—

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, my very dear friend!
      I matter enough to Him that he constantly sends wonderful people into my life to remind me… like you and your comment above.
      I feel so very grateful right now! ❀

      Like

  4. I am so happy I read this, this morning. The part that really hit me was when you said….”For the heart of the problem, is the problem of the heart.” I absolutely love this. It’s true in most cases.

    I am so happy and Blessed that you are alive and on this earth. I thank God for you and everything that you are as an individual, is special. You are always wanted. I am sorry that your heart has gone through so much pain at such a young age. Parents do not realize that as children we are affected for years down the road, by their own words. But I believe with all of my heart, that not only can He deliver us…..but He also sends incredibly special people into our lives to remind us how much he thinks of us and loves us. He blessed you with a beautiful sistership…no matter how near or far. She has been a diamond in your life. I pray that your friendship with L is always bonded through sisterhood. And I am excited for the day you two meet, and eat lots of food and share stories and memories. It’s gonna happen!!!! πŸ€—πŸ™πŸΌβ€οΈ
    I am also going to highly consider this book that you are recommending. I am PRETTY sure I could use some great encouragement and maybe a different perspective on some things.

    I am praying for you and your kiddos, and family. When I say that, I mean it.πŸ˜ŠπŸ’œ Hugs and love to you and your babies.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What an absolutely STUNNING comment! Thank you so so so much! You are so very precious to me, and I am blessed to have to you in my life. Much love to you and your son. Thinking of you and sending prayers of happiness ❀

      Like

      1. God Bless you and you are always welcome!! I have been praying for you so much. God is doing mighty things in your life…..even if you don’t see it all right now….He is moving and working!!! Thinking of you and your kiddos alsoβ€οΈπŸ™πŸΌ

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s