I woke up

I woke up this morning.

That is all.

But I was reminded the other day, when I reread something, that waking up is enough.

It’s enough to be thankful for, and to celebrate.

No matter what the day ahead holds – I WOKE UP.

So many don’t.

The last few days have been tumultuous – a loud confused noise. I will no doubt blog about it soon enough – in fact I NEED to write so desperately.

BUT, the load on my shoulders has been increased; I have had added responsibility placed on me – the type where none of it is in my control, and yet I am expected to ‘solve things’ and stay on top of everything. I am still confused as to who thought it was a good idea to place the extra emotional, and some physical (she IS in a care home) responsibility of my mother on me entirely, when I am the SINGLE WOMAN with two dependents living under my roof that I am already physically and emotionally responsible for.Β  But I’ll get to that in another blog post.

At the moment, I am physically and emotionally exhausted by 17:00 every day, to the point where I can’t even have a decent conversation – the impossible heat has not helped. (It rained during the night though and this morning is decidedly cooler – a welcome reprieve from what had become debilitating heat.) I go to bed by 21:00 and sleep right through anything and everything. I get up at 05:00, and feel my strength has returned and I am able to face whatever the day ahead wants to give me… only to find that waning by 11:00.

However, this too shall pass. At the moment, it feels like it’s going to pass like a kidney stone πŸ˜› But that too shall improve πŸ˜‰ I have to believe there are better days ahead.

And besides, I WOKE UP THIS MORNING!

Something else I was reminded of….

A story, that is actually quite applicable to my current situation in so many ways.

“A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him. The bite caused excruciating pain, the man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire. The man tried to pull it out again and again the snake bit him.

Someone who was watching approached the man and said:
β€œExcuse me, but don’t you understand that every time you try to get the snake out of the fire, it’s going to bite you? Why are you being stubborn?”

The man replied:
β€œThe nature of the snake is to bite, but that’s not gonna change my nature, which is to help.”

So, with the help of a metal pole, the man took the snake out of the fire and saved its life.

Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your essence, only take precautions. Worry more about your conscience than your reputation. Your conscience is what you are, and your reputation is simply what others think of you – and what other people think is not your problem… it’s theirs.”

I will catch on blog posts, hopefully tomorrow.

For now, I hope everyone is well and happy. And that you all woke up this morning πŸ˜‰

one step at a time

Last night there was an off sounding violin in my room (a mosquito)! It clearly came from the era of Greek mythology and had my gender completely confused. It mistook me for the greatest, handsomest and bravest warrior of that time, and branded me as such.

It only bit me twice, from what I can tell, for the itches are isolated to those two areas. Both heels – where my ‘Achilles’ tendon begins πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

As I sit here typing, I realise that I have been AWOL for a few days again – where has the time gone?

Do you ever sit and think about all the things you feel you need to do – ‘and the necessity to get up and go’ – and then you suddenly notice how much time has passed and realise you need to get going, and so you stand up…. and the wave of knowledge crashes over you : your ‘get up and go’ has already ‘got up and went’. πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

I have accomplished and fulfilled the commitments of the last few days, even though some have been difficult. But there have been other things that I committed to in my mind and would really like to have got done. They’re still waiting. Today is a new day though, and I can always see how far I can get πŸ˜‰
I DO, however, have a lunchtime commitment that will be a bit exhausting… but I am determined to come home and try and tackle at least one of the things I ‘need’ to do.

Because that is life. There is MUCH to be done. And it can be overwhelming when we take into account the amount of tasks and goals and dreams that come with being alive.

As a woman, and a mother, there is an incredible ability instilled in me to multi task. However, I have had to learn that sometimes that in itself can lead to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Sometimes, even when everything on the list seems to be urgent and a priority, it still helps to focus on only one at a time. Because in order to do it well, it needs your full attention!

This is a battle/lesson in growth that remains on the surface of my brain. I cannot do it all – and if I want to do things to the best of my ability, then I need to give each one its own space and time and attention.

images (1)

 

One more thought before I go : being like a child.
Yesterday I attended a children’s birthday party. It was the party of the boys who live across from me in our townhouse complex (cluster of houses within the boundaries of fencing almost like a gated community).
These boys are adopted. The oldest arrived at about 8 months old. The youngest was only 4 months when he moved in. I immediately bonded with the youngest because I was called on on his first day home to help. The new mom was uncertain and didn’t know quite what to do with this little baby who wouldn’t stop crying. I’ve had a lot of experience, and I also seem to have the ‘baby touch’, so off I went to help. As he has grown, the catch phrase has always been that he is ‘Aunty Meg’s Baby/Child’.

Yesterday we celebrated the oldest being 7, and ‘my baby’ being 6. Time has flown!
As I sat for two hours and watched the fifteen odd children running and playing and swimming and laughing, I was reminded of the joy and pleasure of youth. And the excitement of something as simple as a birthday, which a lot of us try and hide from as we grow older.

And I remembered my own childlike amazement and wonder, and laughter and excitement, when I had the opportunity of exploring the UK with my dad. Even with regards to simple things that others who live there get to see and experience every day.
Yes, everyone could tell I was a tourist in a way – but I also think that some looked at me and saw a child in an adult’s body – my awe and laughter was akin to that!

Of course you know where this path of thought is taking me, right?

Life is really serious when you are an adult. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with being a grown up. Especially when you have children who rely on you.
But you still need to find the moments where you can think like a child – the serious considerations are to not see colour, or status; to withhold judgments and just be kind and see THE PERSON as opposed to everything else.

The not so serious considerations? To remember that there are simple things that can elicit laughter and a happy euphoria.

Today, I shall throw caution to the wind (diet out the window πŸ˜› ) and eat ice cream with my ‘not-so-much kids anymore’ and I might even search out my copy of Enid BlytonThe Enchanted Wood‘, and reconnect with Silky, Moonface and the dear old Saucepan Man. πŸ˜‰
I wish I still had my Victoria Plum book collection, and duvet/comforter set πŸ™‚