Plea and please

The picture below is a photograph of my son and I, taken four years ago, on the evening of his final school dance. Many people have commented that he ‘looks a lot like me’. (I softly curled my hair for the occasion πŸ˜‰ )

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Although there is a resemblance in our appearance, it stops when it comes to height and body shape. He’s slouching a little in the picture, for Mom’s benefit πŸ˜› He’s just over six foot tall, and slender. I am a shorty, and rounder πŸ˜›

The similarities with us are not just physical – he seems to be very similar to me in a lot of other ways too. He has a kind and tender heart, a gentle spirit, and like his momma he can be quite sensitive. He and I are the ones who will sit and cry in a movie, or an episode of a series – not always out of sadness though. In fact, most times, if it’s heartwarming, it gets our tears πŸ˜‰ When we try to retell stories of acts of kindness, our voices wobble a little – and if it’s one of those ‘overwhelming type stories’, we’ll have to stop to try and ‘get a grip’ and prevent ourselves from crying.

We’re just too soft πŸ˜›

But I am proud of my young man, and who he has become. He may fail in some ways, and may be a bit of a slow starter in others – and yes, he still has his moments where he frustrates and irritates me, ha ha ha! BUT his good qualities FAR outweigh any bad, and I am very grateful for that!

One of the ways that he is VERY different to me though is when it comes to the social side of his personality. He’s great with the friends he has known since he was 13 – there is no struggle for him there. But he is, for the most part, shy and introverted. It takes him a while to come out of his shell around other people. (He partially struggles with self esteem.) And yet, like his mother πŸ˜‰ , heΒ doesn’t struggle to connect with his online friends. He met them through the world of online gaming, and soon they were social media friends, which means chatting and voice noting and connecting. And through all that, he has made good friends – friends he has never met in person. And I even ‘know’ a few of them – sometimes it feels like they are part of our ‘real world’ and have been to visit πŸ˜‰

SO…. why am I telling you all this?

Last night, my very precious ‘boy’ came to me, still in shock and unsure of how he felt. He had just received a message from one of his other friends to say that their ‘mutual friend’ had committed suicide on Saturday. She was only 18 – we had all ‘celebrated online’ on her 18th birthday this year.
We knew she was struggling with depression. We knew that she had started new medication earlier this year. We knew that a couple of weeks ago, things were bad for her and she was withdrawn.
But it still came as a shock.Β 
Because we also knew that we had all offered help, that she had reassured us that ‘it was okay’, that she had her meds. She never once told anyone that she wished for death.

I didn’t hug my son. He’s not one for physical affection, and I respect that.
But we talked. Briefly. And I made it clear that I am always available if he needs to chat – he can even wake me if I am sleeping.
Then I watched my young man as he left my room, shoulders stooped, heart hurting.
And I cried a little bit.

Preteens, Teens, Young Adults, Grown Ups – please hear the cry from my heart today :

Depression sometimes has a way of ‘creeping up on us’. In society today, it’s ‘common’ – and yet in some cases, there still seems to be a stigma attached to it.
If you think you may be suffering from it, or know that you are, please DO NOT BE ASHAMEDno matter who has tried to shame you for it.Β 
Please reach out and try to ask for help.
I know that sometimes we get to a place where we just can’t ask.
Please force yourself. And if you need to, then please force yourself to accept help.
Your life IS worth something.
YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING!

19 thoughts on “Plea and please

  1. Your son definitely has your smile πŸ˜ƒ

    And looking at his picture, all these qualities you describe are true! He’s a nice young man with a big heart!

    Wow. Suicide. I once had a friend that went to a party. The next day, the boy committed suicide.

    In other cases, a boy (10-11 yrs old) commutes suicide because he was bullied.

    Depression and suicide are issues that really need intervention and public enlightenment.

    Some people might have depression and won’t even know it!
    Some have depression, but don’t know what to do.

    But I’m so happy that you brought to bring awareness to this bitter issue.

    I really love this post. May her soul Rest In Peace. And please, extend my concerns to your son. It’s really hard losing a mutual friend 😒

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much, Vincent ❀
      All you have said is true. And there are so many out there who raise awareness regarding depression, anxiety – and suicide – in much larger ways.
      But when it's 'close to home', I always think it's important to add our own voices to the mix πŸ˜‰
      Hope you have a fantastic week πŸ™‚

      Liked by 3 people

      1. You are highly welcome πŸ™
        Yes, and I’m really inspired by your post. That’s why I will also make a post on depression.

        Your post made my day β€οΈπŸ‘πŸ½

        Like

  2. There seem to be so many people these days who struggle with self worth and it seems to disable them from seeking help because…well, I will only be validating my own inadequacy if I have to get help. When will people be able to just say out loud β€œI am hurting” and find empathy and concern in the world? Somehow we have to find a way to bring love into those situations. Yes some people need medication but everyone needs love.
    I am really saddened by your son’s loss too.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Hi Meg,
    I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your sons friend especially in such difficult circumstances.
    I too suffer from depression and anxiety and at times it can be difficult just getting out of bed and I have to admit that I have thought about suicide and actually attempted it twice before during my last marriage but fortunately I was saved and those dark times left me when I left my ex wife.
    I know how difficult it can be to reach out to other people because although we are in society aware of depression we still really don’t know what to say to people who are suffering from it. I do agree though that we need to do more and be more mindful of the people around us.
    Suicide is such a terrible thing and leaves the people who are left behind with a mixture of emotions ranging from sadness, despair and guilt to a sense of helplessness and failure.
    I do believe that it leaves a void that is difficult to overcome for many reasons and for many people.

    My thoughts and prayers reach out to you and your family but also to the family of your sons friend and I pray that they will be comforted in their grief. πŸ™πŸ€—β€οΈ

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Reblogged this on A life worth giving and commented:
    I think that this is a really positive blog from my friend who writes under the name nopassingfancy because I really do believe that everyone who has ever been born has a purpose in life and a value and a worth.
    I have suffered from depression and anxiety for many years and its associated behaviours struggling with alcohol dependency and the feeling of guilt and anguish that the sense of letting people down brings with it.
    I know that there is no shame in admitting that you are struggling with life however I also know how uncomfortable it can make others feel.
    I do believe like nopassingfancy that we all have a place in society and that we all have a worth.
    Reach out to those who can help and reach out to those you feel need help but please take the time to listen really listen because these are very difficult times and many people will be uncertain about their future and this creates a state of depression and anxiety. πŸ€—β€οΈπŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is so sad to read about. I am so sorry to hear about that young lady. I am glad you are bringing light to the subject though and encouraging others to reach out and get the help they need. No life should end too soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’ve been on both sides of depression and suicide. I lost two people dear to me as a teenager who took their own lives. I didn’t understand why until about 10 years later when I was on that ledge deciding whether to continue on. It’s still hard to talk about. When you are in that dark space, the only person stopping you is yourself. It wasn’t until a couple years after that, after I decided to continue on, that I learned that Depression lies to you. Even if you start treatment right away, it will take a long time afterward between finding the approach that works for you, finding a therapist you click with, wanting treatment for yourself, and starting to go through several medicines that take a month or two each to find one that treats you. But, it’s worth the suffering. The depression will fight you each step of the way. I hope your son and your family finds peace from this loss. Loss is painful enough on it’s own. Don’t let a liar (depression) win. I can’t imagine trying to fight it as a teenager who doesn’t have more experiences and positive things to challenge depressions bullshit. You don’t have to be alone in fighting it!

    Liked by 1 person

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