useless failure

I was reminded again, in the last couple of days, what a ‘useless failure’ I am. For far too many years, hearing this being spewed at me regularly, I not only believed it to be true, but I also found it extremely devastating every time it was said.

I know better now.

We all know about ‘unrealistic expectations’ that we not only set for ourselves, but sometimes hold others to. And we know how negative an impact they can have. Sometimes they are disguised as ‘my dream/wish/hope for you’… because sometimes those are just ‘pretty’ substitutes for ‘this is what I actually expect’.

Please don’t get me wrong : it is wonderful to have hopes and dreams for our children, our siblings, our friends. It can be quite empowering to share these with them – it can encourage and inspire things within them that they may have never even considered.

The danger comes in when we share that dream/hope/wish… and then turn it into an expectation in our minds.

I was supposed to get an Honours Degree.
I was supposed to marry a ‘professional’ (doctor, lawyer, accountant).
I was supposed to have two ‘perfect’ children.
I was supposed to be ‘successful’ by now. (Ah yes, but we may not measure success the same, right? πŸ˜‰ )

All of the above started out as ‘hopes and wishes’ for me – for my future. But somewhere in the passing years, there has been a noticeable shift to : this was what was expected of you and you have failed dismally.


For far too many years I have allowed my worth to be based on my inability to achieve the things that I was always told were what would make me successful.
It had me carrying around a burden of unworthiness that was not mine to carry.
It had other implications too.

Thank goodness for personal growth, and the willingness to learn and grow πŸ˜‰

I may not have married well, I may not have obtained the ever important degree, and I definitely don’t have perfect children πŸ˜›

But it doesn’t make me less. And it doesn’t make YOU less if you’re in the same position. So here is my message to you all :

It doesn’t matter if you have not achieved all that others wanted for you. YOU STILL HAVE WORTH!
It also doesn’t matter if you have not achieved all that YOU wanted for you. YOU STILL HAVE WORTH!
There is still time. Circumstances may mean you need to ‘alter’ your dream… but you CAN still have a dream πŸ˜‰
Every day is a new day, to keep growing, and keep going…

Because you ARE worth it! ❀


14 thoughts on “useless failure

    1. Thank you, Stuart.
      These are certainly THE most trying times many of us have ever experienced… and the most important time for us to be kind and loving, especially to ourselves πŸ˜‰


  1. We have never met in person so I don’t have an intimate knowledge of the person you are but in my opinion, you are such a lovely and kind woman. Someone with a heart as big as yours could never be called a failure. Whatever you’ve done throughout your life so far has shaped the beautiful person you are. You’re a complete and beautiful success. β™₯️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you SO much – your words have warmed my heart so much it is almost on fire πŸ˜‰
      I knows it’s tough in the online world… so many pretenses… but I really am this way – I can’t help it πŸ˜›
      You’re very right – the things that have happened to me that have led to choices (with bad consequences in some cases) have definitely shaped me and made me who I am today… and I don’t think I would change that! πŸ™‚
      There is purpose to pain, if we are willing to learn and grow… and willing ourselves to win πŸ˜‰


      1. You’re more than welcome 😊 life is very short, so whatever happens to us, and whatever the aftermath, good things happen to the best of us, and you’re one of the best of us β™₯️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Such an encouraging and inspiring message. I have also struggled with the fact that my life doesn’t look the way I want it to. And yet even if our lives look different we still have value. We still have worth. And we are still dearly loved. Thanks for this beautiful reminder!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Collene ❀
      I think we all have those moments… especially wishing we had done things differently, perhaps. But each day we can make a difference ❀ You are worthy, valued, and loved ❀


    1. I agree – I am a winner in the things that count πŸ˜‰ Well… at least I strive to be, every day. My success is not measured by what many others measure theirs… and I am very glad about that πŸ˜‰ ❀


  3. I have been reading your blogs and you write so well.

    This post is so relatable and most people especially parents turn their dreams into expectations for their kids and any other thing appears as failures.

    No one is perfect. life isnt perfect either. So everyone should just chill and get off people’s backs with their expectations.

    Liked by 1 person

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