Because some days…

These last couple of weeks, I have had many challenges thrown my way. Life is not handing me lemons, its not even throwing them at me. I am sure it has switched to brightly coloured yellow cricket balls instead! πŸ˜› The challenges have come by way of every aspect of my life – family, health, friends, financial. The truly difficult part for me is that although I keep having them thrown at me, every single one is at the point of a ‘stale mate’.

There are decisions to be made (some that are VERY important) and I can’t make them.
Because I am waiting.
I am waiting on other people to provide me with concrete answers so that the decisions in some of the situations can be informed ones. In other situations, I am waiting for other people to make choices that will affect the decisions that I then need to make – my heart is with them, no matter what they decide, always… but I can only ‘be of service’ if they are willing and open to it.

In all of this, every moment of the day, I have just felt drained. (The endless hours of back and forth phone calls where no one can give me a straight answer is possibly a big part of that!)

I cannot control any of it. And I can’t help but smile. Because the small challenges along the way in the past year have actually prepared me for THIS time now… where things are coming at me from all angles.
The past year, as I slowly accepted the learning and growing process, I came to a point where I was finally able to say : I will not allow the things I can’t control to afford me unnecessary stress. I need to truly accept that I can’t control them, and find a way to ‘let it go’. I need to focus on what I CAN control, and take it from there.

And no… it’s not as easy, or as simple, as we often make it sound. It’s hard work. And I am willing to do it and keep striving for the ‘unexplainable peace and ability to still have joy’ that exists within me despite all these circumstances surrounding me.

But (such is life) I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that there are times where negative emotions DO make their appearance.

The other day, after an extremely emotionally driven phone call where MY calmness was very much required, I eventually got to hang up the phone… and I just burst into tears.
This would have been fine if I was at home… it was rather embarrassing that it happened while I was sitting in my car, outside of the studio my daughter dances at. Even worse, another mom pulled up and hopped out of her car to come and say ‘hi’.
We chatted very briefly, and she completely understood what I meant when I said, ”If I could tell you, I would. But I just can’t seem to find my words right now to even begin to explain.”
She squeezed my hand encouragingly, and we both chuckled as I whipped out my sanitiser and sprayed both our hands. And then her phone rang, and she needed to rush off again…. but she said to me, ”There is a message you sent me a few months ago. I still have it. I am going to find it and send it to you. Hang in there, girl, you’ve got this!”
And off she went.

I spent the next forty five minutes fighting off tears and sobs, trying to distract myself from my earlier phone call. I felt like I was losing a battle I hadn’t had time to prepare for. And then her message appeared on my phone. A screenshot of my message to her :

”I know you’re feeling sad, so I won’t tell you to try and be happy. I am not going to tell you to ‘go and do things that make you happy’. I am not going to ask you to be a warrior woman of strength and faith (even though I know you are). What I AM going to tell you to do… ask you to do… for now, in this moment of sadness : please eat something, please take a hot shower or bath, please put on some nice comfy clothes. Do the physical stuff that will keep you alive. I don’t know how or when it will get better… but I do know that it will. In the meantime, please just keep trying to stay alive. The rest will follow eventually. I am here, if you need me.”

Dear readers, bloggers, friends… what we put out in this world DEFINITELY comes back to us, and most times the good things come when we need them the most. So keep putting the good stuff out there, and my hope for you is that you will ALWAYS experience the returns on that when YOU need them the most! ❀

8 thoughts on “Because some days…

    1. Oh gosh, Granny! I just checked and it is definitely me who owes you an email :/ I am SO sorry! I will definitely get on that, if not today then over the weekend. ❀
      Lots of love xx

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  1. May today be a better day than yesterday. I think a lot of people are feeling what you are feeling. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. And it’s okay to cry…sometimes you just have to let it out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dearest Meg,

    First and foremost, I am deeply sorry to hear that so many challenges have come your way these past few weeks. Bless your heart. It’s hard when life’s pressures become overwhelming and it seems the waves of bad happen all at once. My hugs, love, and prayers are heading your way! If I can do anything for you, reach out. I’d gladly listen.

    You’re right, it isn’t as easy as we make it sound. The process is painful, messy, and filled with moments of questioning and/or self-doubt. What I know is that I am so very proud of you for holding your head high, pressing on, and knowing that soon the sun will shine again. When I read how your words of encouragement for another came back to you; oh how I smiled! What you said about our kind deeds coming back to us, usually when we need them the most, is 100% true.

    You are such an amazing blessing and I’m grateful for you, your friendship, and the way you share your heart with honesty and transparency. You help people feel less alone every single day of your life. This side of Heaven, you may never know the impact you’ve had and the lives you’ve changed.

    My prayer is that each day begins to bring increased peace, understanding, and the answers you need to move forward. Rest up my sweet friend. You’re worth it! Love you! β™₯

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my dear Holly ❀ You are such an amazing encouragement to me. Thank you for being you. You are very much loved and cherished!

      I definitely have to keep being me – but the better version πŸ˜‰ And I seem to be 'getting better' every day. Isn't it funny how that happens, when we are willing to accept the painful process of true growth? Just when we think we're at our best, and have done our best, another opportunity comes along and we grow more, and get even better at this thing called life, and at sharing our hearts and souls?

      Things are changing so quickly for me that I feel like I am on steep slope, in a bus with no brakes! What surprises me most is that I am not scared. I am excited! I know good things are coming my way – and the best part of all? They are good things for OTHER people! And will warm my heart enough that they become great things indirectly for me πŸ˜‰

      Sending multitudes of love and virtual hugs your way. You are a truly amazing woman! ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Meg, I am so thankful for writers like you who are willing to be real with sharing how life isn’t always sunshine filled. In fact, quite the opposite sometimes. Keep going my friend! Even through your trials, you are encouraging and inspiring others, including me, to be honest and share even the challenges in our lives. I will be praying that this Easter, despite circumstances, you know deep down in your soul how much you are loved by Jesus. He sees you and is with you. I love how your encouraging message to another mum was returned to you! May you have the grace to bravely take one day at a time. Love and blessings ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Joy. For the beautiful comment, and the prayers and love and blessings you sent my way. You are very much appreciated, as are they.
      I truly believe that relationship is about connection – and even if I can’t sit down for coffee with someone, it is still important to me that there be a connection…. and the only way to achieve that is vulnerable honesty.
      Here’s hoping your Easter weekend brought you an abundance of more than chocolate πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

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