Something I need to learn

I’ve been a bit out of sorts the last few days. Maybe you know the place I am talking about… where everything, and nothing, is actually wrong. Well, not exactly ‘nothing’, but they’re things you can’t control and so sitting and being worried or stressed because of them is a futile exercise.
But then something happens that you did have control of, and now there is stress because maybe you made a mistake, or maybe it’s left you questioning something about yourself…
And suddenly ‘everything and nothing’ affect you.

I can’t pinpoint the particular thing, or moment… but the last few days have been a slow descent, on my buttocks, over the rocky terrain of a hill – going down.

But if anyone saw me, or spoke to me, I’d appear calm, cool and collected – as if nothing was actually wrong….
Kind of like this image I saw on Pinterest ๐Ÿ˜›

My son picked up on it only yesterday. And commented, ”Mom, what’s wrong? You’re not yourself.”
And I listed a few things – he’s nearly 23, and it always amazes me that my ‘kid’ is so darn grown up!
When I ran out of breath, and just ended up sighing out loud, ”and….”, and not saying anymore, he responded with,
”Why didn’t you say anything?”
My reply? ”You didn’t ask.”

In saying the above, it sounds like I am a person who bottles up my feelings, right? Like I am someone who missed the value of the lesson, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.
Neither one is true…. and if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know that I am actually quite an ‘open’ person – sometimes even to the point of overshare ๐Ÿ˜›

The thing is, I am one of those people that observe the question ‘how are you’ as someone merely being polite. Because isn’t it just a standard greeting?
”Hi! How are you?”
I’ll admit that there are times where I use it as such.
And most of us have accustomed ourselves to the standard reply – the polite response – the one that says something along the lines of : ” good, thanks, and you?”; ”fine, thanks. You?”
You know what I mean.

Sometimes though, there is a different response. And not just from friends and family. There have been times where I have done the polite thing with an employee at a local store, or an old school acquaintance that I may have bumped into. And what should have been a polite two minute exchange turns into a thirty minute conversation.
This doesn’t irritate me in the least bit, even if it makes me late for whatever else I am supposed to be doing.

Because that is MY nature. It’s a piece of who I am, and I believe it is a part of my purpose.
If YOU are a person who gets annoyed by it, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you! So PLEASE don’t take this as a personal dig, or beat yourself up over it, or feel guilty. NOT AT ALL.

WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! Remember? And the way that you are different? There’s very likely something in that difference that gives YOU value where I am lacking – that brings value to those around you. I am NOT better than you. I am NOT right, and you are wrong. We’re just different.

There are many people who do the polite thing, and ask how I am… and there are many times that I give the generic, required, polite response. Not because there is anything wrong with the person asking… but most times it’s because I can see they are in a hurry, or experiencing their own stress, and I just don’t want to burden them. But perhaps in this, I am also wrong. Maybe they have been sent my way so that I can ‘burden’ them – because perhaps they have a solution, or a word of encouragement. Perhaps saying the words out loud to them will help me in processing what is actually happening in my situation, and I’ll provide myself with my own solution?

There are so many questions in life that are very difficult to answer ‘correctly’. It’s not easy making the ‘right decisions’. Choices are sometimes limited, and none of the options are ideal. We stumble, we fall, we have moments (or days) where we feel out of sorts.

MY lesson in this blog post? Something that I have realised that I need to ‘learn’?

I don’t have many people in my life that I can go to. My circle is very small. BUT!!! I HAVE a circle! I have got a handful of people who truly love me – even though I am different to them, and don’t always do things the way they want me to. I expect them to let me know when something is wrong – I want them to call on me when they need something, even if it’s just a pep talk!
I don’t want them to wait until I ask how they are – I want them to reach out and tell me how they are, how I can help, what they need!

AND I NEED TO LEARN TO APPLY THAT IN MY LIFE... and maybe I can save my butt from that rough terrain of the downhill ๐Ÿ˜›
Maybe I feel so overwhelmed because I am so stuck in the problem, that I forget the lifelines of people who do love me that I have been given. They may not have a solution. They may not be able to help. But they might just remind me of the beauty of the stars in a very dark night sky.

No, I won’t be telling the public people who treat me with politeness. No, I won’t be posting my problems on social media. Because it is not who I am.
And again, there’s nothing wrong with taking that approach! I have seen many people helped because they had the courage to do so! (And it isn’t easy baring your soul to the world! It’s definitely a brave thing to do!)

But perhaps I need to start giving the people I love so very much the opportunity to love me back in all the ways that I love them?


14 thoughts on “Something I need to learn

  1. Hey hey! Know something that’s funny here! (Idk if it’s funny but still)
    This post is the most relatable of them all, for me!!!๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ

    So so so many things similar… And gosh how long have I thought of saying all this out loud.. but then something stumbles along on my way and I JUST FORGET!๐Ÿ˜…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have NO idea how much this comment meant to me. In fact, I am considering writing a ‘follow up’ post. I probably should… maybe it will explain ‘the why’ of the warmth and depth of what you just said.
      To be honest? I was going to come on here now and delete this post!!!!!!!
      Yeah… I am thinking a follow up post and an explanation might be in order ๐Ÿ˜›


      Liked by 1 person

      1. I had no idea (even now I don’t I swear!) That I would see a reply with such overwhelming joy!
        If you are writing one, I’m waiting for it already!๐Ÿ˜„
        Delete it? That would have been such a grave error to do!
        Thank god to me!! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

        You are always welcome.!!๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Absolutely โ™ฅ
    to be honest, whenever I ask how someone is, I always earnestly mean to ask them ๐Ÿ˜Š
    it actually bugs me a bit when they don’t answer from their hearts, because I kind of take it as they don’t trust me enough to talk to me truthfully about their day. But, I’m getting used to it.
    It’s kind of an American culture thing to be honest ๐Ÿ™‚ (at least, that’s how I find it)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Different cultures are certainly interesting, to say the least. Even in the little things, like this!
      Around here where I live, the general attitude about Americans is that they are a breed of their own ๐Ÿ˜›
      There are times where subconsciously I am really only asking out of politeness… and those are usually the times when people open up to me, ha ha!
      I think that these days, with the world shouting in so many ways how we should be, people are afraid to speak from their hearts.
      If there was more truth, honesty, and openness, perhaps things wouldn’t be so messy? But then there’d have to be less judgement and more acceptance, and that’s difficult for many to achieve.
      But we keep plodding along, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰ โค

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have a friend who always asks twice. Once when he meets someone and then some minutes into a conversation heโ€™ll ask again and usually get a more honest answer. Then thereโ€™s the whole โ€˜do I want to spend time telling you โ€˜and can I trust youโ€™ thing going on in my head when people ask. Trust plays a big part in my reply when someone asked me how I am.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Generally, when I ask someone how they are, I genuinely want them to tell me with not just a standard good, fine, got to go now, bye. Actually, I find that a bit dismissive as if my asking was me being intrusive. Nevertheless, Iโ€™m not in this world living in it alone. I understand people are busy, they have things to do and sometimes timing is not exactly the right time to have a chat. Itโ€™s an interesting point that youโ€™ve put though in this entry about Halle standardised a lot of our questions and answers can be with other people or even with ourselves. The truth of the matter is we really need to be honest with the moment that we are living in, rather than get caught up in the rush. Good entry!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment โค

      ''The truth of the matter is we really need to be honest with the moment that we are living in, rather than get caught up in the rush.''
      – I couldn't agree more! We tend to miss so much when we forget to be in the small moments โค

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Such an honest postโ€ฆ and I had to nod my head in agreement. Sometimes people will ask me how Iโ€™m doing and I reply โ€œDo you want the honest answer or the socially expected answer?โ€ Usually with my students, so they get the vibe. Whatโ€™s funny is that students will answer my question. Sometimes itโ€™s the honest answer and other times it is the socially expected answer. I tried it a couple of times in public, and it doesnโ€™t go wellโ€ฆ But you are right, our circle wants the honest answer. But, again like you wrote about yourself, we get lost in the problem and we donโ€™t reach out when we needed it the most.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey ๐Ÿ˜Š You know what I’ve learnt as I grow older and supposedly ‘Wiser”. I’ve learnt to look into the person’s eyes before I speak to them, then I can see if they’re OK or not.
    But seeing as I can’t actually do that with you, how are you?


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