Believe this

I was reading something this morning, and as usual there was a portion of the text which had me thinking about something different, and so off I went to my dear friend Google, and ended up at the picture above.

Of late, difficult situations seem to abound – and not just for me!
There are so many things going wrong and so many tragedies around here, and not just through losing people to Covid.

People are changing, as things are changing. Their hearts and attitudes are changing – and not always for the better. And it can be really hard to see/experience.
I keep thinking of the saying/concept : You are only responsible for YOU – your choices, your attitude! You can’t take responsibility for them, or allow them to affect you!
And yet, when it happens in ‘close proximity’, it can be tough to remember that – to not take things personally or be hurt by what is said or done.
Especially when you have a soft heart!

And so it becomes one of those things in life where I think that maybe we should train our brains and then operate from a place of ‘what we know, not what we feel’. So we’re still allowed to feel (because bottling up emotions is never good for anyone!), but we can’t allow those feelings to affect our lives in a way that stops us in our tracks, or prevents us from being the person we were created to be. Well, that’s what I think for me anyway 😛

I have grown into ( and I am still growing) and become the woman I am for a reason. Maybe even for such a time as this.
I know who I am – and in the words of a dear friend : it works for me!
Who I am is not only of benefit to some in so many ways (even though it irritates others a lot 😛 ), but it is also of great benefit to me, because in times of great loss and fear, I still have peace and joy, and am able to continue on with encouraging and assisting others.

It is NOT EASY to be in difficult situations.
But today’s exercise for my brain training is to CHOOSE to continue to believe that somewhere in these difficult situations there truly is something of value – and to recognise all that I have that is valuable to be grateful for!

Gone Looking! 😉

Painful lessons… funny not funny

Ah… I have missed this ❤ Explanation to follow 😉

Time has flown, yet again. One would think it would have dragged by, since I have spent most of it in bed, pretty much unable to do most things. Even the simple things hurt. I have a newfound appreciation for my usual ability to get on and off the toilet, for example. Yes, I said that. Too much information? When last did you appreciate being able to do that without experiencing pain? 😛

I injured my lower back, and for five days I was pretty much in bed. Moving hurt. Once I was standing, walking around a bit actually helped – but man, oh man! To get to that standing position? UGH!
I could not sit up. So here I have this beautiful laptop that I was so graciously blessed with and absolutely love, and I couldn’t use it. I had to lie here, and just stare at it.

Day six, things began to get a little easier, and less painful. I started becoming more ‘able’. What a relief that was! And with it came the realisation that the part of me that is sometimes stubborn needed to get out the car – forget about taking a backseat! Despite all my prior injuries and illnesses, this time I fully appreciated the concept of ‘sometimes you actually just need to continue to take it easy, and go slowly, to get back to full health’.
I’m still not there yet, but I’m definitely on the road – and Stubborn is still running next to the car because there is no way I am letting it get back in yet 😛

And in all this excruciating pain and very limited ability, have I complained at all? You betcha! Ha ha!

I’ve also had my moments of misery – feeling sorry for myself and even shedding a tear or two.

But let me assure you, an attitude of gratitude really goes a long way!
And perhaps sometimes things like this need to happen, not just to remind us of the need to slow down and our physical limitations, but also to jump start our hearts – to bring us back to the place of remembering the small mercies we have – the things we can usually do that we don’t fully appreciate, and how valuable inner peace and joy truly is.

The pandemic, and the extremely volatile situation in my country at the moment; our current crime wave and the latest statistics; all in ‘life as we know it’ that is happening around me every day – I was getting distracted, and I didn’t even know it. I was spending more time every day worrying – wondering ‘what is going to happen next’, ‘will we survive this’, ‘what am I going to do’.

I guess I needed this to shift my focus back to the things that matter – the joy INSIDE of me, despite what is happening outside.
I needed to be reminded of the goodness too.
Like being able to get on and off the toilet with ease 😛

Here’s hoping I won’t need another lesson in this anytime soon 😉

Have a great week, everyone!

Sparrows and Storms

I need to warn you that this is a rather long post. And because of the content, some may struggle with it – and that’s okay ❤ But my hope is that somewhere in here, you will be encouraged and know that you are loved too.

What a week it has been! Yet again! It would seem that the ‘weather of life’ for me has chosen to be stormy. But my boat still floats 😉
Despite outside judgements, and raised eyebrows because ‘there is no way she could be for real’, I have decided to completely embrace and love this part of me that has blossomed the last few months – the part that still really has peace in my soul, and joy in my heart, even though my floating boat looks like it may lose a plank 😛 😉

I have a story in a story to share with you.. but before I do, I need to give you some background.

In my town, we all know it is risky to drink the water from our taps. Our failing infrastructure and inadequate water treatment plants makes it that way. I think the last cholera outbreak in my town was about seven years ago… but a study done in 2019 pretty much confirmed we’re heading for the next one. Sigh. Then again, maybe not. Because we are currently in a serious drought and dam levels are falling, fast. Based on current capacity, we may not have water in our taps by October. Some areas in a neighbouring town, which is a lot larger than mine, are already experiencing this.
And these are in ‘major towns and cities’. (Many rural areas have not had access to water for far too many years – but that’s a whole other story entirely!) But I digress….

SO! Three times a week, I visit a small family owned water shop, to purchase purified water. I have to go so often, because I can only carry 10 litres in each hand a time 😛 (I am a water baby, as are my kids… so we drink a lot of water – my first thought about the threat of taps running dry was not showering or flushing the loo… but what on earth am I going to drink!!!)
I started going to this particular shop about three years ago now, and at first I was just a customer.
Then one Monday I walked in, and the young lady (she’s my age 😛 ) named Vee, who is always there working with her dad, was all alone. The shop was busy that day, and so I got my water and went on my way. Two days later, she was alone again. This time, it was just her and I, and so I asked, ”Where’s Dad? Gone on holiday?” Tears filled her eyes, and she could barely get the words out, as she told me that he had had a heart attack and was in the ICU at a nearby hospital and it didn’t look good. This was pre-Covid, so I grabbed her and gave her a long hug. I watched her shop while she went to the bathroom to compose herself, and when I left, I gave her my number in case she needed anything.
I stopped in there the next day, with a chocolate and a little note of encouragement for her, and asked how her dad was. There was no change.
On my Friday fill up, I took her another bar of chocolate (because chocolate always helps) and I was thrilled to see a huge smile on her face, and be told that Dad was out of ICU and improving steadily!
She messaged me on the Sunday, excited to let me know that she was on her way to fetch him – he was coming home. And to thank me for my encouragement and caring.
And a friendship was born.
With the pandemic, her dad stays home these days. But every now and then, he drops something off for her and I happen to be there, and I get to say hi.
Vee and I have never gone out for coffee, or visited at each other’s homes – but there are times where filling my water means filling my tummy with a cuppa too – and I’ll end up spending a whole hour there sometimes. So we are friends – just not ”social” friends 😛

Now for the story in a story…

At the beginning of last week, she gave me this bookmark she had made for me.

The writing on it says : ”Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31)”

You’ll also notice the coin randomly stuck on it next to the bird. It is a one cent piece – which stopped being minted in my country in 2002. They are a VERY rare find these days – they are not valuable, as such, but you just don’t see them anymore.

What happened was this :
Vee closed up shop on the Saturday at lunchtime and was sweeping the floor, when out from under a display counter came this small one cent coin. As she picked it up, she has no idea why, but she thought of me. She slipped it in her pocket and forgot about it. She found it again later that evening, and put it on her dressing table.
On Sunday morning, her online church sermon was based on the verse above from Matthew, about the sparrow. Again she thought of me. (I really struggle with my self esteem, sigh. It’s utterly ridiculous!)
So she set about making the bookmark for me, as a reminder to me that I truly am loved! She put the bookmark on her dressing table and happened to glance at the one cent coin. To her surprise, the picture on that particular coin was two sparrows!!!! So of course she simply HAD to attach it to my bookmark! And boy, did she have a story to tell me! 😉
Later that evening, curiosity got the better of her, and she did some research… and it gave her ANOTHER story to tell me!

The story she found was posted by someone named MEGAN!! And to prove I am not making it up, I will share the screenshots of the story as my way of telling it to you 😉

I may be in the midst of really stormy weather. I might still struggle with my self esteem and find it hard to believe and feel the good things about myself.

But I am grateful that something I never have to doubt is what I KNOW, despite how I feel…
I am valuable and I am loved.
And I hope you all know that too, dear friends! ❤ (Even in the times when we may not feel it!)

Wishes for you

I am one of those weird women who celebrates getting older 😛

A lot of my friends shake their heads when a birthday looms and they tease me and say, ”21 again coming up, right?” and I reply with, ”Nope. *my real age* and I wish I was 60!”

My madness is based on my ‘wisdom desire’. They say that as you get older, you get wiser. And so because I have this deep desire to be wise, and seek wisdom, I am very accepting of adding another year to my age.

I am not always accepting of scrutinising myself in the mirror on the day, and finding ‘overnight friends have come to stay’ – new wrinkles (smile lines 😉 ) and new grey hairs (tinsel 😉 ) but I also know that it’s my genes to blame 😛

This last week has been a difficult one with illness and death. People close to me have been rushed off to hospital, extremely ill. People I knew have left this world in tragic ways. I won’t go into details, but I was reminded yet again of how much my children and I ‘see’ every day, and how sad it is that for us ‘this is life as we know it’. How close to home everything is. But that’s for a different post entirely. For today, this is what I have for you…

When I looked in the mirror yesterday, and found new overnight friends, I also found that my hesitance to accept them in past years had been replaced by a warm welcome in my heart. And it introduced a whole new gratitude discovery to me….

The overwhelming feeling of being able to say ‘thank you’. To be alive, and healthy (other than some creaky bones 😛 ) and have the opportunity to see new lines on my face and grey hairs on my head. To not only be given a new day, but another year, and more possibilities!

So, a day after finding more flaws in my appearance, I want to say to every person who is reading this :

You have this moment. Now. Please take a deep breath and as you exhale, remind yourself that you are worthy! You are amazing! You are seen! Because you exist, somebody’s life is better! You make a bigger positive impact than what you will ever think you do!
And then get out there, wrinkles and all, and remind someone else that they matter too! ❤

With a very grateful heart, and an abundance of love, I wish you all a week that exceeds even your own ‘best expectations’! ❤

Storm – free?

I don’t know about you, but I often find myself thinking, ”It really shouldn’t be THIS hard!’‘

And in the next breath, I find myself singing, ”Oh well….. LIFE IS LIFE!”
There is a line in that song that says, ”Life is life, come on stand up and dance‘‘.

This morning, I shared the above picture on my Facebook profile, and an old school friend of mine commented,
”True, Megs. I hope you’re having a season of rainbows and sunshine.”

My reply to her was this :

“Here’s hoping the same for you… and if not? Well… we both know how to dance in the rain, right  The storms of life come with a vengeance… but we know that the sun is waiting to shine and so we can still smile ”

Like me, she has weathered some heavy storms. They were different to mine, but tough all the same. Life has taken her and I on very different journeys, and even though our outcomes have been different, there are still ways that we think the same. Hence my comment.

And here’s the thing….

These are not just words for me. It is who I am, and what I truly believe.
YES! I get overwhelmed, and I sometimes feel discouraged. Yes, I have bad days, where my heart feels sad. And although I will always be honest about my FEELINGS and you will know that I am struggling, I have realised that my BELIEF/HOPE and my ATTITUDE are the two most important things in the equation of life.
The belief has not come easily. I have had to work hard to change my attitude, I have had to sacrifice some things, and I have had to choose a different mindset and lifestyle.
These beautiful words that I find myself so often speaking? They’re not just to impress.
They come from a heart that has experienced trauma and deep hurt, that has every excuse to be bitter and angry.
They come from a soul that is so scarred that surely it can no longer be considered pretty?
They come from a body that is physically damaged and hurts more often than not.

But even in the darkness, when the storms keep coming…
MY heart, soul, and body CHOOSE to find a way to dance in the rain… and wait for the sun… and I can smile because I know that even in the midst of the storms there is ALWAYS a reprieve and a quick burst of sunshine to keep me going, if I choose to see it.

Please come and dance in the rain with me… and let’s keep sharing our smiles with the world ❤

You are needed

Somewhere, someone threw an alarm clock, and it caused time to fly, and I am not even entirely sure what day it is today 😛

In the last few days, I have packed up my mother’s things, moved her to a new frail care facility, and unpacked everything for her on that side too. My body hurts in places I didn’t even know I had muscles 😛
Yes… it’s been exhausting. The ‘teething problems’ have been tough emotionally. It will be a while still till she settles properly.
BUT… I am grateful she is somewhere that she will be properly fed and cared for.
I am grateful that I had the strength and ability to be able to do all that I have done.
I am grateful that I have a home, and a warm bed, to finish my days with.
I am exhausted. But I can still smile. I have so much to smile about, after all. And what I don’t have? Well, then maybe I don’t need it 😉

Now on to today’s blog post… whatever day today is 😛

I have a wonderful fellow blogger on here who I regularly exchange emails with. A very private person, who doesn’t really reveal too much, and yet there are plenty of things I DO know. And every day, I see something in my few minutes of mindless scrolling on Facebook that make me think of this person. Because it is just who I have got to know them to be – the things that have been revealed are evidence of this sort of character.

The image I am talking about reads like this :

”I cannot do all the good that the world needs. But the world needs all the good I CAN do.” ~ Jana Stanfield

One of my friends added in the comments, because I shared the image, that ‘even a small light in a dark tunnel is still a light’. Somebody else said to me, ”Oh Megs, this is just YOU to a tee!”

My thoughts for today on this?

What words do people associate with you? But more importantly, what words would you WANT them to associate with you? And are you trying to live up to the those words, at least? Because trying, and slow progress, is better than no progress, remember? 😉

AND….

Whatever day it is today 😛 , and no matter what your day holds, try and be kind… try and do some good… because the world needs that, but more importantly, the world needs YOU!

What is clean?

There are so many short stories that warn us about the dangers in judging others.

I’ve been on the receiving end of being wrongfully judged more times than I can count, and sadly, I have had my moments where I have been the one to pass judgement – although as I have aged, these moments have become much less, I am relieved to say.

A friend of mine updated her Facebook status with a little story. It went like this :

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the washing outside. “That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”

Her husband looked on, remaining silent.

Every time her neighbor hung her washing out to dry, the young woman made the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?”

The husband replied, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

And so it is with life… What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

So don’t be too quick to judge others, especially if your perspective of life is clouded by anger, jealousy, negativity or unfulfilled desires.

“Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.”“

~ Jonathan Kestenbaum

It immediately made me glance at my lounge windows, and I was horrified to see that they are definitely in need of a clean. I found myself then carefully considering whether or not I had unfairly judged anyone of late, and ended up lost in thought for the better part of an hour.

I thought I would share this little story with you…. just in case your windows need cleaning too. 😉

Ladders and Leaning

Many of us have heard of ‘Wednesday Wisdom’- it’s a popular hashtag.

And it always makes me smile, because one of the things that I find myself desiring the most is wisdom. Someone once commented to me in my early thirties, ”Well, my girl, wisdom comes with age”. I found myself denying the ‘laws of womanhood’, and becoming excited about getting older! 😛
Do I like my laugh lines (wrinkles 😛 )? Not particularly, no.
Do I like that some days I get up and everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t seem to want to work properly? 😛 Gosh, no!
Do I like that my childhood punishment of having to take a nap is something I now find myself thinking of and desperately desiring to do? NOPE!
But if all those things mean that I am growing a little wiser with each passing day? Well then, YES PLEASE!

I KNOW I can’t go wrong with seeking wisdom in all things. Living a life where every minute of every day is spent being sensible and focusing on wise thinking, and being experienced and knowledgeable enough to always practice good judgement? Well then every day would be utterly incredible in the most wonderful ways! And if we could all be like that, not only would we be the very definition of perfection, but this world would be too.
At the same time, I am also fully aware that being this way every minute of every day is probably unachievable.
But if I focus on at least TRYING to be, then surely I’ll get it right more often than not?
Well, that is what I hope anyway 😉

Positive encouragement and inspiration are, for me, wisdom nuggets to be added to my memory bank. There are little things along the way that I manage to store, and so when faced with a particular situation, I am able to recall them, and put them into practice in order to make a ‘wise choice’.
I am also a big believer in sharing positive encouragement and inspiration – nugget worthy reminders – because maybe something plants itself in your mind, and perhaps is able to ‘come to your rescue’ when you find yourself having to make a difficult choice, or help somebody else.

So here is a nugget I picked up on this morning. It will probably mean something different to you than what it means to me, because we’re all different, and our circumstances and choices that we are perhaps faced with are unique. But I thought I would share it anyway, because it left me with a lot to think about.
I saw the following quote :
“People may spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.” – Thomas Merton

As we all know, the definition of success is a rather personal one, because it comes down to what you think it is. Hence the impact of this quote will have a different meaning to all of us.
But this quote stirred something within me, and so I spent a little time ‘investigating’ it.
And in my ‘investigation’ I found an article that I suppose could be classified as a ‘business point of view’ but there were things in there that spoke to me in a personal way too.
SO… in the spirit of Wednesday Wisdom and imparting nuggets for others to store 😉 …..
I will end with a quote from the article – and if you click on it, it will take you to the full article if you wish to read it.
Here’s to being wise 😉

”Sometimes, we get where we always wanted to go & then realize that what we needed was there at the bottom of the ladder the whole time – and we didn’t bring them along. That may be family, that may be friends, faith, health, whatever speaks to you.”

Awakenings

‘‘Leonard Lowe : We’ve got to tell everybody. We’ve got to remind them. We’ve got to remind them how good it is.

Dr. Sayer : How good what is, Leonard?

Leonard Lowe : Read the newspaper. What does it say? All bad. It’s all bad. People have forgotten what life is all about. They’ve forgotten what it is to be alive. They need to be reminded. They need to be reminded of what they have and what they can lose. What I feel is the joy of life, the gift of life, the freedom of life, the wonderment of life!”

and……

“The human spirit is more powerful than any drug, and that is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter. This is what we’d forgotten, the simplest things.”
ROBIN WILLIAMS – Dr. Malcolm Sayer

The above are two quotes from the 1990 movie, “Awakenings”.

I was a pre-teen when this movie came out (yes, I am old 😛 ) and the day of my cousin’s wedding, we all headed to the movies afterwards to watch it. (all the cousins, except the one who had just got married, of course!) I didn’t fully understand the movie back then, but it still made me cry. And I was teased relentlessly for months afterwards because I was the only one in our group of 9 who did so.

In my twenties, I still remembered that early evening at the movies. I found that I could no longer recall the movie itself, or why it had me cry, and so I sought it out to watch it again. Yip! I cried again! I think it’s impact on me changed somewhat though, because I was more mature and able to understand better.

What made me think of, or reminded me of, this movie?

On Friday evening, I had a brief conversation with my neighbour. We’ve been living opposite each other in our housing complex for almost ten years now. And after a few years, we became friends. Even though we live so close, our schedules don’t always allow for social time, and so every now and then you’ll find us having ‘driveway conversations’ in passing. Once or twice, her husband has even brought us cups of coffee while we’re doing so 😛 (And the best husband award goes to…. 😛 )
Friday evening was a ‘scheduled driveway conversation’. Because we sometimes do that too! 😛
I had asked her to let me know when she came home and had time for a quick chat – yes, I can see when she comes home 😛 But she has two young boys, so I prefer not to stop her on her way in to the house, but instead allow her time to say hello etc. She messaged me when she was free and we met on her driveway. I asked my question, she told me what she thought, and we moved on to a general quick catch up. We parted ways about thirty minutes later, and her parting comment to me was, ”I just don’t know how you do it… but I’ll say this : in all of it, you’re changing. In a really good way. Yes, you’re softer… but in ways that count… and it’s not a bad thing. Keep going, because it’s actually a strength.”

Those words have been a running loop in my brain ever since.

We all know that the world, and sometimes people closest to us, will tell us ‘you’re too this, or too that’- you’re too much, or not enough. We all know that sometimes that truly hurts us, or angers us, and bitterness momentarily creeps in.

And yet we are so quick to do the same to others!

I am definitely going through a ‘time of awakening’. There is no doubt in my mind of that! I can’t tell you exactly when it started but I know it is happening. I know because I am experiencing it daily.
I am just beginning to SEE things differently, in every way. And it has become a whole new journey on its own! It has its own rewards, but it is also probably one of the most difficult journey’s I have ever had to make. It is NOT easy, and I’d be lying if I said there were not times that I wish I could just go back. Especially since all of a sudden, daily, troubles are abounding – and not of the small variety either!

And having the very nature of my soul softening even more than what it has ever been, means that I am now open to being hurt more easily, as well as feeling more hurt on an even deeper level. It is increasing my levels of compassion and kindness and making me even more patient and tolerant than what I ever thought I could be. Even my reasoning is changing : a small example?
In the past, in a particular situation, I was known to ‘tolerate’ because if I didn’t, then xyz would happen and it would affect me – for all intents and purposes, giving that person a semblance of control over me; allowing them to use me because of the ‘carrot they could dangle in front of me’.
Now, I find myself tolerating even more than before, being more understanding, responding a little more gently because lashing out at them, saying my piece to purposely hurt them (because I really could), rebelling and excusing it as standing up for myself? NONE of those things would be a reflection of good character. None of those things would benefit the situation in any way, other than to make it worse. And it would disrupt my peace and joy entirely!

Please don’t get me wrong. I understand the concepts of ‘telling it like it is; not wasting time beating around the bush; brutal honesty is sometimes a necessity’. I know that there are many times in life that call for all those things. And if those things, delivered as is, bring you peace, cause you to grow in a positive way, help you move forward in life, and bring you an explainable joy even in times of trouble? Then that is YOUR journey and what works for YOU!

But I have begun to realise that in MY journey – those things don’t work for me. They disrupt my inner peace and attempt to steal my joy. They stunt my growth and stop me in my tracks.
Delivering what possibly needs to be said with brutal honesty/just telling like it is, knowing that I am deeply hurting someone else (especially when it’s under the guise of ‘I say it/do it because I love you’) is not the time for ME to have the attitude of ‘sorry not sorry’.

For me? I reserve the right to use ‘sorry not sorry’ in this way :
I will continue to try and be kind, and grateful, and understanding, even towards those who have hurt me, and are not deserving of my compassion in any way. (It is so difficult!!!) I will continue to be respectful and considerate of them for the most part. I will deliver things that do have to be said gently, without intention to hurt. This does not mean that their behaviour is being excused, or that I am ‘allowing’ them to treat me badly because I am ‘broken/a sucker for punishment/a victim of abuse/a doormat/unable to win at life’.
It just means that I want MY character to reflect something different to theirs.
It just means that I want to continue to grow IN MYSELF, in a positive way, spreading goodness and love and mercy – being this way is what brings me inner peace and joy in ways that I cannot explain.

And neither way is wrong. Because how we choose to be is what works for us, as INDIVIDUALS!

Which one are you? Which way do you choose to be? (Rhetorical questions!)
Parting thought on this post : a new week lies ahead and my note to self for it is this :

Dearest Meg, respect ‘the journey’. And not just your own!

And just keep being who you are, growing in the ways that bring you joy, peace, gratitude and appreciation for all the simple and beautiful things in life that YOU WANT! The things that matter to YOU! Stop letting other people’s opinions about your journey weigh so heavily on you! Don’t be distracted, or stand in judgement, of someone else’s journey. You’ve got your own ride 😉

With Compliments…

This is all I have for you today… and no, I am not looking for compliments 😛

It’s just a small reminder of the things that really count – what really matters!

For me, it’s always great to hear that I have pretty eyes, or that I don’t look old enough to have an adult son 😛
But that feeling I get is nothing in comparison to the warmth I feel when someone compliments the matters of my heart and positive attributes of my personality!

Because at times like that I know that they have taken the time to truly see ME!

Please try and get out there today and SEE the people around you – and if you feel brave enough, maybe give them a compliment 😉 Because they matter….

AND SO DO YOU! ❤