Is love invisible?

This is not a romantic post! And in case you’re concerned about me, I am not depressed about being single either! 😛 Sure, it would be nice to have a hand to hold, and a shoulder to lean on… but that’s a whole other post entirely! Ha ha!

I am also not going to focus on the horror that is happening in the world right now! (Who needs Halloween? 😦 )
My mind boggles and my heart actually hurts every time I happen to see something ‘newsy’. Because, truth be told, I am trying really hard to avoid ‘the multitude of hurts out there’. Not because I am trying to hide from it, or deny its existence. Simply because, at this point, it is causing me major distress and far too many tears. Coupled with the frustration of having zero control over any of it, and not being physically ‘in that place’ in order to help in some way. Well… I just need to try and avoid it at the moment.

There have been events this last week that have made me stop.
Sit down, head in my hands, muttering out loud,
”Where is the love? How did we get here? Is it just temporarily invisible or is it gone?”

We see it everyday – impatience and rudeness with cashiers; irritation directed at the mommy who has an unhappy baby while standing in a queue; purposely not allowing someone into the traffic in front of you; avoiding helping others that you really could, because you’re ‘too busy’, or it would inconvenience you.

I think it was Oswald J. Smith who said :
”The heart of the human problem, is the problem of the human heart.”
(I’ve seen it adapted to : the heart of the problem is a problem of the heart.)

For me, it all comes down to love.

The Beatles were right! 😉 LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!

For me, personally, love covers it all! Love is kindness, it is tenderness, it is patience, it is helpfulness, it is compassion…. and so much more!

I’ve been told way more times than I can count :

”You’re being unrealistic. You’re just a doormat. You deserve to get hurt. You’re idealistic. You’re so sunny, you make me sick.”

And those were from people who supposedly liked me 😛

But, everyone, I see the truth behind those words, and there are times that I need to concede that in a particular situation, they’re probably closer to being right than I am. Sigh.

There are times. But it’s not every time.
And the unfortunate thing is that being this way is what works for me. It’s what keeps me alive, in a way.

Here’s what I know : I can’t change the world. I can’t impact all of it.
In fact, considering how many people there are in this world, I probably won’t be able to positively impact even 1% in my entire lifetime!

BUT when it comes to this? THAT is not going to stop me!

I am still, and always will be, a firm believer in the ‘pay it forward’ effect – even before it was a ‘thing’, it was my belief.
Perhaps it is something unrealistic that I need to hold on to, to keep me going? Who knows! In this instance, I actually don’t really want to know or care about the WHY, I just want to keep doing and being.

My theory is that if I can positively impact one person, they may be encouraged to impact another, and that other may be encouraged to impact someone far removed from me etc.etc.etc.
(Please don’t try and change my mind – this is a worthy theory 😛 😉 )

A silly example : What if that mom in the queue with the crying baby is on the edge, wanting to give up? Perhaps her partner just left her, and she has no family or friends to help her. She’s in that queue, trying to work out in her head if she is going to have enough money to cover the needs her and her baby have in their basket. Her baby is miserable, because, well… teething… except she has been unable to give the poor little one anything because she has run out, and the bread and milk in her basket are unfortunately a higher priority right now.
Perhaps she looks the way she does not because she is on drugs, but because she’s been up most of the night, ran out of coffee a few days ago already, and didn’t have the heart to leave her baby screaming while she took a quick shower. Perhaps she is just exhausted. Broken.
AND THEN, a stranger in the queue in front of her (YOU!) turns around, not to stare with irritation at her crying baby, not to judge her appearance or add to her discomfort, but to smile at them both! To talk softly to baby and try and distract him or her. To tell Mom, ”oh dear, looks like you’re having quite a day!” To start a brief dialogue, that also distracts that Mom.
And perhaps, as she straps baby in, perhaps she feels a slight shift in her hopelessness, because she has remembered that there is still a small measure of kindness (love) in this world. And it inspires her to reach out, instead of give up. And maybe later down the line, she helps someone else!

(Yes, this is what I do. I look around me, not to pass judgement, but instead to try and understand. And help, if I can. I do the story thing often! It distracts me from standing in the queue 😛 )

Of course, it isn’t always as I have outlined above. Sad realities are sometimes harsher.

We do need to be discerning; we do need to protect our hearts and minds in some cases.

But I choose to NOT live as if love is invisible, or gone. Even if I do it alone.

I want to be more kind. Judge less. I want to be graceful – showing mercy and compassion to others. I want to smile at strangers, talk with those other people don’t seem to ‘see’, allow someone to go before me, even if they don’t seem to deserve it.

Please leave me in my fairytale 😛 It makes me smile 😉

Because all I need is love 😉 ❤

Advertisement

Feeling dim?

I saw this on Facebook this morning. I had a whole other blog post in mind, but it stopped me in my tracks. It was one of those : ”oh my gosh, this is a very worthy re-share!” And so not to leave my blogging friends out, here it is :

Nobody’s perfect, all of the time. (I linked the song by Mike and the Mechanics because it is one I really like.

In many of my moments of imperfection, I was cast aside by the very people who were ‘supposed’ to love me. I know EXACTLY how it feels to be in that dark place (sometimes even because it really was my own fault that I was there) and be cast aside, judged unfairly, treated as unlovable.

I wasted many years allowing the anger and bitterness of that influence my words and actions. I excused myself with the ‘why should I’ attitude : why should I be considerate of him when he did xyz; why should I be kind to her when she did xyz? And on and on.
And sadly, I allowed it to form a part of me that became the very thing that had hurt me so much. It didn’t consume me, but there were too many times where I sat myself on a throne of my own making, and cast others aside for what I now realise were actually just honest mistakes and poor choices, because the choices they had to choose from were not so great to begin with.

I now realise.

Intensely painful self reflection, and a soul growth spurt that was remarkable in so many ways finds me in a very different place to ‘way back when’. It has been difficult (because my rebellious side still enjoys a little bit of ‘wickedness’ 😛 ) and my thoughts are not always very well controlled! But true changes only really emerged when I put in the effort to feed the right wolf 90% of the time (old blog post linked for the wolf story… if you want to skip the actual post, the wolf story is at the end 😉 ) – nobody’s perfect, hence my inability to achieve 100%! 😛 😉

These days I choose to dish out my attention, affection, acceptance and compassion. I am happy to help with direction too, if I have anything to offer. Sometimes I even find myself extending this to the very people who didn’t give it to me. (nobody’s perfect though, please remember, so I have to be honest and say that it isn’t always done without some grumbling and if there was someone close enough to read my mind, they’d be shocked! 😛 )

Sharing my light is important to me.

We all know that being the change we want to see in this world does have a positive impact, because the ripple in our immediate area often times gets carried and becomes the most beautiful wave.

But sometimes I think we need to also be who we needed when we were younger (for me, that means the period of my life from birth to my early thirties, ha ha!).

Here’s to a week of sharing our lights! 😉

Unbecoming

Definition : not fitting or appropriate; unseemly

The weeks have flown by, and I have failed miserably at the ‘art of blogging’. I am winning though… more about that to follow 😉

The title word, and it’s meaning, is a word I can’t say I am too fond of. Growing up, I heard it far too many times! The sentence usually went something like this :

”That is unbecoming behaviour for a young lady!”

The year I turned five, I had a lovely birthday party at home with all my friends from pre-school. In those days I was not fond of wearing dresses, mostly because they were forced on me. (Nowadays I seldom wear them, but when I do wear a dress or a long skirt it is by choice, and I will admit that at those times dressing that way brings me pleasure.)
My mother had purchased a dress for me for the party, to add to all those hanging in my cupboard, much to my dismay! It was white (good grief, I don’t even wear white now because I still can’t keep it clean 😛 ) with red polka dots. She made me wear my hair in pigtails, with bright red ribbons. The white shoes she purchased remained safe, as I kicked them off just a few minutes into the celebration! 😉
There was a stern reminder shortly before my guests arrived that I was a young lady, and should behave accordingly.
And I was fine for the first little bit. Then all us children went outside to my front garden to play.

The girls flitted about, shyly giggling and picking flowers. The boys began a game of ‘touches’, and were soon running off some of their energy. Michael and James had other plans. (YES! I still remember their names – just not their surnames, and I can even tell you what they looked like, but I have no idea what happened to them after we left pre-school, or where in the world they are now!)
These boys were trouble for a ‘lady’, but they were who I chose to spend most of my time during school hours with, ha ha!
Their plan was to climb the Plumeria tree (also known as a Frangipani) in our garden… and I was all for it!
With a quick glance towards the house to make sure that my mother was still inside, I took off running behind them and soon I was climbing…. IN MY DRESS!
The trouble that would come my way if my mother caught me was nothing compared to the trouble I actually did get into in the end!
If only we’d stayed away from that one branch!
It was longer than the others, and we decided that we could all sit on it, in a row, and observe the others playing games and picking flowers. James went first. And all was well. I slowly crept towards him, and giggled when he said, ”We should get on the roof. Imagine the view then!” Safely settled, we motioned to Michael, and he hesitantly scooted along on his bottom. I saw my aunt come out of our house, and disappear quickly back inside. And I whispered to the boys, ”Uh oh, we better go! My mother’s coming!”
I believe the branch was busy dying… and our sudden panicked haste probably didn’t help matters, but the next thing there was a loud noise and we all fell to the ground, branch included!

None of us had any broken bones – but all three of us were winded. And my dress got torn! We caught our breath, and all began to laugh. Until my mother arrived to stand before us, hands on her hips, muttering about my behaviour and my dress! I was taken back into the house, to change and wash my face because it was dirty, and of course receive the stern lecture I knew would come if I got caught. I spent the rest of my party seated on the verandah with the other girls who were then playing with my dolls.
At bedtime that evening it was like someone had pressed play on a tape recorder as the words came again, ”That is not how a lady behaves. I am so disappointed!”

And I remember thinking as that little girl : ”But what if I don’t want to be a lady?”

The irony is that I tend towards being one anyway, ha ha! My friends often tease (and it really is a loving tease, and we laugh together about it) that I am sometimes so ‘prim and proper’, so ‘elegant and correct’, (although they always assure me that it is never in a stuck-up way!) and when I use big words my one young friend giggles and comments, ”Yes, Miss Cultured”. I remember going to a biker’s rally once and having one of the guys tease me that ‘a girl like me is too sophisticated and classy for a joint like this’ – that made me laugh so loud, I think he changed his mind 😛

There are times when I truly enjoy being a lady these days – but if I’m not wearing a dress and it’s a relatively easy climb, you might even find me up a tree 😉

So that explains – in a rather long winded manner, sorry! – why the word unbecoming is not one I am fond of. ALL that said though, there is this :

And I happen to like the word as it is being used in the image above. There are things from childhood, from my teen years, and possibly even things drilled into me as a young adult, that have become, for me, ”limiting beliefs”. These things have contributed to the issues I have with self esteem – and have brought with them guilt and shame in so many ways!
And so, as the word stands in the image above, I have begun down the uneven and unknown path in my journey where I am trying to let go of a lot of those things, and acknowledge that there may actually be a chance that ”they” were wrong.
It’s not easy, and at times it’s quite exhausting. There are things that I don’t want to have arguments in my head about 😛
BUT…..

Back to the beginning of this blog post? I am winning, everyone! 😉

I am not getting everything I want. I am not getting to avoid the hard things. I am not getting an immediate relief from guilt and shame. I am not getting the instant ability of undoing the limits.

BUT I AM GETTING SO MUCH MORE along the way, as I occasionally stub my toe on a rock I didn’t see. 😛
And this time, I am truly appreciating each of those lessons!

Thank you for sticking around to read 😉 Here’s to unbecoming – in a ladylike manner 😛 😉
I hope you are all well ❤

What a word!

There are still times in my life, and I am sure there always will be, where I find myself questioning and grappling, and even sometimes frustrated, when it comes to ”purpose”.

Not just its definition, or how it applies to my own life, or whether or not I have found it etc. But also on the days where something happens and I end up asking it in a different way : something along the lines of ”Well, what is the purpose of that?”

I very much doubt that I will ever have a concrete answer for any of it. That one word – purpose – and our lives and the situations we find ourselves in and how it applies and all comes together, and what it means, and and and…. well, the answers are just as infinite and the layers of them exponentially greater than those of any onion. (For those who have seen the movie, yes… I just used a ‘Shrek‘ reference 😛 )

Last week, I had a lengthy catch up telephone conversation with a young lady (she’s in her late twenties now) who I have known since she was 5 years old. I went from being her mom’s friend, when she was a little girl, to now being her friend, and big sister. (In fact, she has me listed as her sister on Facebook, which confuses many people – I get messages from old school acquaintances sometimes, who feel terrible for not knowing that I had a sister, ha ha ha!)

In this conversation, she was telling me about her husband’s sister who is a really talented singer, and is struggling to get a break – she’s young and naive and being taken advantage of by our local music world. We ended up talking about purpose in general. My friend, herself, is also frustrated – she has passions and talents, and just can’t seem to ‘get her break’ either. I offered her support, love and encouragement in ways, and with words, that I thought might be helpful. And there was a happy end to our conversation, and she still loves me… so I think I did okay 😛

The last few days have been grappling days for me. Days where my head is swimming with things like, ”What if what I am doing is not enough? What if I am failing at living out the purpose intended for me? Why isn’t there writing on my wall with a definitive that I can work from? Am I doing it wrong, because there isn’t actually anything tangible being produced here? I have nothing to show for any of it! What am I going to do?”

And this morning the friend that I mentioned above send me a picture message, and captioned it, ”This is you, endlessly! I love you, Meg!”

So I’ll end with the message to me, and share it as a message to all of you out there who may be able to identify with how I have been feeling (these feelings are temporary, but hey, they exist, so we might as well offer each other some encouragement for when we’re stuck in them, right? 😉 )

❤

Battery light

A couple of months ago, my bathroom scale stopped working. I was thrilled. My teenage daughter, not so much 😛

My son asked if that meant we had to buy a new one, or is a bathroom scale battery operated? I replied with a hasty, ”battery, will get later”, because I was on my way out the door.

A few hours later, I returned home with two packs of batteries, AA and AAA. I opened up the back compartment and realised that neither one would work. It needed one of those 2032 flat batteries. I’d never owned anything before that used those types of batteries, so it was new to me. I didn’t recall ever seeing one like that either. Yes, you can laugh at me and ask, ”You’re HOW old?” Well, clearly not too old to learn something new 😛

The following morning, I took the flat little battery ‘coin’ to the shop with me, and was surprised to see a whole section of different brands, right next to the batteries I usually buy! Note to self : be more observant! 😛
Armed with a matching flat, I returned home and hey presto, our scale worked again! Much to my disgust 😛

Why the battery story? I read something this morning that I felt I simply had to share with you. So the anecdote was your introduction 😉

I identified so much with the first part of the little story I read this morning because I have a torch/flashlight that is busy dimming. It needs new batteries. And thanks to my bathroom scale disaster, I still have some in my drawer 😉
The story I read goes like this (no idea who to credit because there was no name attached to it) :

When a torch/flashlight grows dim or quits working, do you just throw it away? Of course not! You change the batteries!
When a person messes up or finds themselves in a dark place, should we just cast them aside? Of course not! We should help them change their batteries!

Some need AA – attention and affection. Some need AAA – attention, affection and acceptance. Some need C – compassion. Some need D – direction.

And if they still don’t seem to shine, sometimes we just need to sit with them quietly and share OUR light with them!

(I understand that there are some cases with circumstances where none of the above apply. BUT in all cases, the above is needed, whether it changes things or not!)

Here’s to being kind! To accepting and acknowledging others! To showing compassion! To sharing our light!

referring time…

I have referred, more than once, to posts written by Wic, at Letters To Pogue.

It’s not just because sometimes I find them amusing (and he shares some good music every now and then), or because they are well written (and for the large part, well researched) but also because most of the time I find them to be incredibly thought provoking. And I guess I am a girl who likes to think – especially if it sometimes means being able to avoid doing the dishes 😛

Now… I have to say… unfortunately there are times where doing the dishes becomes a ‘priority’. And usually it’s because I open the cupboard and there isn’t a single plate to use – only to discover, after washing and packing away, that half the dishes are still missing… and can usually be found in my teenage daughters bedroom! FORK! No, I am not swearing… just reiterating that I also usually find where all my forks have gone too! 😛
Anyway…
So dishes become a ‘priority’ – but not one by choice, more out of necessity. Which I guess turns them into a commitment/responsibility?
Please stay with me here… the point is coming – like the full fork drawer 😛

Wic offers up a ‘Monday Musing’ post which is always worth checking out 😉 Yesterday’s post was definitely worth ME reading. (Might be helpful to the rest of the world out there too.)

I am pretty sure it was a personal dig at me 😛 😛 😛 Have you ever done that? Identified so much with something that you stop and go, ”hey, should I be offended? I’m sure they mean me!” I am laughing here, because it’s ridiculous! But is it? Here’s the thing – sometimes we identify with something so much because it was exactly what we needed to ‘hear’… and perhaps there are changes we need to make. And some are more drastic than others – and not so pleasant. In this case (and maybe I missed the point – or maybe it is just different for me – or maybe my mind is still processing and avoiding dishes 😛 ) it was very much an ‘adjust your thought pattern and watch what you say and how you say it’ moment.

I am not particularly fond of the word ‘priority’. It’s defined as ‘the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important than others’. It’s no wonder so many people get offended by it!

And it’s no wonder we are often made to feel guilty and ashamed of what we have ‘chosen’ to do with our time.

By the same token, perhaps we also need to practice a little more understanding and compassion with others regarding theirs?

Not everyone who says to us, ”Sorry, I can’t, I just don’t have time”, is trying to tell us that we have no importance in their lives.
Personally? I would prefer that they keep their job, or give their attention to their children/husband, or spend some time refilling their soul.
It doesn’t mean that I am not important to them, or that I have ‘less value’ in their life. It just means that they have other commitments and responsibilities that need to be fulfilled.

Time is also the one thing we can never get back once it has gone. And I was reminded that I personally need to remember to have an ‘attitude of gratitude’ when someone shares a piece of theirs with me. So a big thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my own ‘personal musings’- sorry, Wic 😉

So those are just my thoughts on that… and in closing, I found this, which was very appropriate 😛

And in case you are wondering… I have TWO dogs 😛

Where are you, Meg?

I am not sure who it was exactly who said it originally, but there is a very well known saying (slightly abbreviated from the original version) :

”Time waits for no man.”

And in case there is any confusion : sorry ladies, it doesn’t wait for us either 😛

The last couple of weeks saw me reaching a whole new level of being busy, because as I have mentioned before, life happens even when we are busy making other plans. 😛 Circumstances out of my control meant that a lot of things happened at once, and I had no choice BUT to give them my immediate attention – trying my best to juggle a multitude of balls, and yes… I definitely dropped one or two. But I made it through the chaos, and that matters.

There were some friends who I remained in contact with during this period, although not as much as I would have liked to. I was honest with them about the demands on my time, and shared a bit of the ‘busy’ side of things. But I only shared what I guess would be considered the ‘physically’ busy side of things. ”Driving from here to there for ‘x’, meetings and endless phone calls to sort out ‘y’, etc.”

I have one particular friend with whom I am in very close contact – as in ‘every day conversation’ via messaging. I started to share the emotional side, I guess you could call it, that was absorbing my ‘other time/free time’ that I get given every day, and unfortunately it opened a door that caused me a lot of hurt and pain.

But it reminded me yet again that I have been shaped and molded the way I am for a reason.
That we are all DIFFERENT and that it is okay. And that my acceptance of that is not a weakness, despite who may think it is, but ultimately a strength.
That the ability to still see immense value in others just because they approach things differently and do what works for them is also a strength.
That still being able to love them with all my heart and treat them with kindness when they are adamant I am completely wrong and need to change my views, is strength.
That choosing to still treat those who have hurt me so very deeply, and tried to pretty much destroy the good in me, with compassion and respect is also A STRENGTH. And trust me, the fact that there is still a small spark of a love that I cannot explain for them absolutely astounds me.

Regarding that last statement in the paragraph above – a lot of people criticise me for it, and provide a host of reasons for it that link back to abuse. And while I can see the validity in what they are saying, and appreciate that abuse does shape certain things in us and spark reactions that are not natural, my ultimate reason for MY conclusion and my feelings is one that defies comprehension for many (including me sometimes) and is also one that is a PERSONAL thing and not something I can tell you how to do or even begin to properly explain.…
My ultimate reason is this : part of this very painful emotional journey from the last couple of weeks has been the realisation :

I have needed mercy SO MANY times in my life, especially in times where I have hurt others in so many ways – even if my lashing out was deserved by them. What right do I have to not show it to others, even those who have done nothing other than to try and destroy me?
If I am willing, and live my life, being kind and loving to strangers who will not always return the same to me, then how can I not be willing to also extend mercy?

There IS a pill that I am struggling to swallow though – something I really struggle to understand. But there is a Voice that whispers to me that I don’t NEED to understand EVERYTHING. I try very hard not to argue. But man, oh man, it’s tough! I don’t fully understand why, when we all want respect and want people to accept that we have our OWN views and opinions, we fight so hard to force others to think exactly how we do… to a level that we disrespect their own views and opinions and choices.
I KNOW it’s a human condition, and something I have been guilty of in my younger years… but it still frustrates me trying to understand the why. , because I can’t even tell you why I used to do it 😛 I really HAVE to just ‘let it go’.

I am hoping that somehow, some way, something in the above has been of help to someone. I don’t expect anyone to take anything ‘away’ from it though, simply because it is MY views and opinions, the choice I have made when it comes to living my life, and you may not agree. And guess what, I am okay with that. You still have value in this world. It’s not up to me to try and change you… it’s up to me to change ME, and just keep loving YOU for who you are.

I DO want a to share an image with you in closing though. Something I have had to remind MYSELF of EVERY DAY for the last two weeks, more than once a day….

Sending love to each and every one of you ❤ Here’s hoping you all get to experience LOTS of wonderful things this week.

random acts of kindness

”Actions speak louder than words.”

I understand that this age old proverb is wise and valuable. But we need to be careful when and where and how we choose to apply it. To be honest, it is actually a proverb that I don’t like. Not at all. Partially because it has been ‘thrown at me’ way too many times, and in situations that actually made it meaningless. I’ll give you an example – but not from my own life. I saw someone share this proverb as an image on Facebook this morning, and while it brought back so many bad memories for me, it also made me think of an old friend of mine – probably because she shared my sentiment about the proverb itself! So here is a piece of her story, we’ll call her Jess.

Jess was bright and talented. She was a girl who was going places. She was outgoing and lively, and one of those types of people who had a very clear path mapped out for what her life was going to look like.
Towards the end of her final year at high school, at 18 years of age, Jess fell pregnant. She was not married, and not in a relationship either. She completed her high school education, and gave birth a few months later. Her baby boy was put up for adoption.
And the people who ‘knew her’… knew her personality and her plan for her life? Well, they judged accordingly.
“Being that outgoing and lively, and I guess flirtatious? Well, I am not surprised she ended up pregnant! And as for giving the baby away? Well, he didn’t exactly fall into her mapped out plan for her life, did he?”
And in some ways, their words and judgements seemed to fit.
I met Jess three years later. I heard the background from the mutual friend who first introduced us. He added, ”I don’t know how much of it is true as such, but she’s never disputed any of it, so I guess it must be.”
A few years later Jess told me ‘the story’ – her story. And it made me cry for her.
Jess had been very involved in rowing when she was in her final years of high school. There was a huge regatta, with teams from all over the country. Afterwards, there was a social function. Jess had said her goodbyes, and made her way to her car. It was dark, and the light she thought she had parked under happened to have a blown bulb. One of the guys from a visiting team, who had had too much to drink, had followed her. He raped her. And she fell pregnant.
Her parents were sickly, and poor. They left the decision up to her, but told her that they could not help with the baby. She soul searched and got counselling for months, and decided that it was best to give him up. She never had anymore children, and to be honest, I don’t think she ever quite got over giving her little one away.
After she told me her story, I asked her why she had never defended herself when the rumours began.
Her words were, ”People will believe what they want to – even when you tell them the truth. It’s their choice. And let’s face it, my actions – who I was – seemed to match up pretty well with their version. I also didn’t want everyone to know that I had been raped. Or how poor we really were. I was ashamed. So I just left it alone. But Meggy, the lesson in there for me was this : never judge another because you really don’t know the things they had to choose from. There is ALWAYS a story. There is always a reason. And unless you know it in it’s entirety, don’t listen to others, don’t judge, don’t assume.”
And I can say with absolute certainty that she truly lived that lesson in her life!

Today is ”Random Acts of Kindness Day”

The story above may seem extreme, and I am sure you are wondering how it ties in to ‘the day’ we are supposed to be celebrating….

Well….

When it comes to ‘random acts of kindness’, there is often reference to ‘paying for a stranger’s coffee’, or ‘smiling at and complimenting someone you don’t know’, or ‘baking cookies for an old age home’ etc.
And these are all very valid and very beautiful things to do.

But what if, inwardly, instead of judging or being irritated by the tramp, the alcoholic, the drug addict, the prostitute, we stop for a moment and actually see them? What if we do ourselves a kindness by opening that box in our hearts that contains compassion and understanding? What if, instead of only seeing the action, we choose to see that perhaps something truly terrible may have happened to them in their youth, or at whatever stage in their lives, that has actually caused the action we are seeing now?

Some people may never actually tell their story. But most times, there will be something in their actions/behaviour that will confirm that there is definitely a story to be told, and that it isn’t pretty.

Not judging others, even in small ways, is difficult to do. It is something I have wrestled with many times. Especially when their actions are hurtful to me personally. As I have got older though, I have carried the words Jess said to me in my heart, and find myself more easily able to refer to them and practice them. Especially now that so many parts of my own story tie in with it.

On this day (and every day, really) I will not only find ways to be kind to others….
I will also be kind to myself…
By acknowledging how unfair and hurtful it is when others judge my actions or behaviour and shun me, without knowing my story, or even caring to ask my why…
And not doing the same to the people I encounter in my life.

the reflection

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? And no, I don’t just mean physical appearance. I don’t know about you, but glancing in the mirror at myself, I don’t just see my physical reflection. For some reason it sparks a quick ‘check in’ with my mind and soul too.

Looking in the mirror can be a tough one for many of us – and it may surprise some to know that the ‘us’ who struggle with it are not just women!

When you’re in a good place in your life, the mirror’s reflection will make you smile, as you will see everything good. For some, this is most of their lives.
But for many it isn’t so.
Especially when there has been a history of abuse.

I want you to know, if you struggle, that I hear you. And I feel you.
Many times I stared in that mirror with harshness. I was truly my own worst enemy, critical of everything about me. I seemed to remember every mistake I had made, and berated myself for all of them. I noticed every line, every wrinkle, every scar – and I felt ugly.
I could feel the anger growing – at myself, at those who had hurt me, at the world as a whole.
And I would walk away from that mirror feeling frustrated and sad, angry and rejected.

It takes time.

I intensely disliked that statement. ”It takes time”. I have always been a fairly patient person, but hearing that always sparked a response in my mind, ”Good grief! How much longer? What a farce!”

But it happened. Slowly, at first.
And it doesn’t just take time. It happened when my attitude began to change. And that in itself was extremely difficult!
I don’t even remember the beginning of the change.
All I remember is that I made a choice.

I had seen, and experienced first hand, the damage that bitterness does – not just to the individual, but to every person they ‘touch’. I also noticed how that bitterness spilled over into almost everything, and because it was not dealt with, it grew at an alarming rate. And it negatively affected all other emotions. I watched that individual for many years (it wasn’t me) and saw how the only emotions that seemed to ‘increase’ along with that bitterness that never stopped growing were dissatisfaction, anger, sadness, misery.

And some of those things ‘latched’ onto me. But I think I was in denial. Or perhaps I was so busy trying to survive my circumstances, that I didn’t give them the attention they deserved.

All I know is that about four years ago, I began my journey with personal growth. It was sparked by the thought, ”There has to be more to life than this”. And as I began to delve into parts of my mind that ‘just were’, I was horrified to discover that even though it wasn’t a permanent state of mind, I was definitely nurturing my own little garden of bitterness, and all the other things that came with it!

And I made a choice. Because I had seen first hand how destructive these things were, and I knew I didn’t want to ‘end up’ like that individual!

The journey has not been pleasant. I still have to find that path sometimes. And I share all this because I want you to know that THERE IS HOPE and it IS possible to break the cycle.

Most days now, I can look in the mirror and be gentle. But it took time for me to get here. And hard work. And a willingness to change my attitude.
I still see the scars and lines and wrinkles, but I also see the strength and courage… and the places that have creased my face from laughter 😉
I see the beauty of compassion.
I see love and kindness.
I see a woman worthy of both.
I see a woman who still makes mistakes, but now views them differently. Who now looks for the lesson.

I am growing. I hope I keep growing. Because it gets better and better.

Life has a lot to offer! If we let it. ❤

Seeing

I’ve had it confirmed by more than two people in the past two months. Something I have actually never thought about, but after the first person made the observation, I DID think about it… and have come to realise that it might possibly be true.

I SEE PEOPLE.

And no… not in that creepy kind of way where I see what isn’t actually there 😛
(although one time I wasn’t wearing my glasses, and in the waning light of dusk, I could swear someone was standing in my neighbour’s house, staring at me. I called my kids, and they laughed so hard at me, they were actually in tears! Both of them! It was the tied back curtain and the lamp that I was seeing 😛 😛 😛 )

The interesting thing is that my brain seems to be selective with ‘who’ I see. It has happened far too many times that my teenage daughter shakes her head in disgust because I DIDN’T see the ‘good looking’ guy in the store with us – even when she describes his clothing, or tells me he was with us at the dairy section. 😛 Her final statement is usually something along the lines of, ”because you were too busy greeting and chatting to all the staff”.

I guess that has always been ‘my thing’….
But this past year, with the pandemic, it’s become even more of ‘a thing’.
Medical professionals and personnel/healthcare workers have rightfully earned the lion’s share of attention this past year – they are on the front lines, and by the time people get to them, exposure to the virus is a guarantee. They’ve put in extra hours to care for the sick, and despite sheer exhaustion, they have shown up. They deserve our thoughts, prayers and gratitude – and my next statement is in no way meant to detract from the amazingly difficult work they have had to do, so please don’t misunderstand me.

It struck me, as I watched yet another complaining customer get rude with the manager at my local store because of an out-of-stock item, and he very patiently let her verbally attack him, and continuously apologised until she had worn herself out, and marched off. And the thought that came to mind was,
”What about him? And the rest of the staff? Has anyone actually thanked them?”

Because in this pandemic, they have all shown up too. They’ve arrived at work, and stocked the shelves, and stood at the tills…. for me! And so many others! And they have done it, not knowing if some careless customer HAS the virus and just isn’t saying anything – not knowing if they are going to be exposed. And yet they are there, every day.
And it reaches so much further than the grocery store. Because it made my mind travel to those who provide transport, and those who are waiters and baristas, and those who are educators etc etc… the list goes on…
They’re still providing a service to us all…. not knowing if on THAT day they are going to be exposed.

But it’s not just about the virus. Or the gratitude to the people who show up and expose themselves, day after day.

It’s about life. I felt this way before the pandemic, and I will still feel this way after it has passed. Yes, I feel it more strongly in the midst of the chaos in the world because of the pandemic. But it will ALWAYS be in my heart….

Let’s try and SEE PEOPLE! Not just the ones who are pleasing to the eye, not just the ones with the fancy cars and the expensive clothes, not just the ones who have important jobs and job titles…. let’s try and see the ones who, because of circumstance, are ‘less attractive’ than the list above. Let’s try and see the ones who have nothing to offer us. And let’s offer them the greatest gift of all – hope.

Because any act of kindness, even if it is just a broad grin on your face when you catch their eye because in that moment you have nothing else TO give? That one small thing could be the reminder they needed…

”Somebody sees me. There is still hope.”