News Headlines

I don’t like typing on my cellphone. I just don’t. I can’t say I am particularly fond of sending voice notes either – but I still prefer them to sitting and trying to type a lengthy message on my phone. If I am not at my laptop, and a Facebook message or email comes through? I will write a long reply in my head… and that’s where it stays until I AM at my laptop. I don’t know why… but I just don’t like typing long messages on my phone.

Today has actually been a relatively lazy Sunday, compared to what is ‘normal’ for me. I have spent a good few hours, wistfully reminiscing about some of the time I spent in the UK and journeying there in my mind to feed the swans again πŸ˜‰ I finally came back to reality, and replied to a beloved friends email and then opened up WordPress to write a blog post. But the page stayed blank.

A notification on my cellphone distracted me – a message was waiting in Messenger. So I did it… I opened up a tab on my laptop and popped on to Facebook to reply. And then of course, I thought I would just take a quick look at my newsfeed. And twenty minutes later, I was still scrolling.

Because today is one of those days where I actually have so many ideas flicking light switches in my head, that it’s just too bright in here and my brain doesn’t know what to write! πŸ˜›
But in my mindless scrolling on the ever-distracting Facebook newsfeed, I saw an image I have not seen before. It would appear it is relatively popular though, as the caption was, ”Even if you’ve seen it before, it’s worth reading it again”.

And my brain screamed, ”THAT! SHARE THAT!”

So here it is….

I don’t know about you, but I am all for writing my OWN headlines this week!
I’ve reached a point where I no longer read or watch the news like I used to – I’ll do a few minutes refresher of top stories, but that’s about all I can take. When I scroll on social media, I am picky. Even though I do it ‘mindlessly’ I can still sometimes find myself distracted by terrible things, and so there are very few things that I pause to read these days, because it really has become ‘disturbing’.

I am excited about the week ahead. Each day I want to continue to notice it all – even the broken and sad. But the headlines I want to focus on are the ones that ‘LOVE BIG’ – that will warm my heart, and fuel the fire of hope that burns within me.
And I will continue to strive to ‘be a big love’ for the broken and the sad.

May you all have the most splendid week, with the happiest of headlines ❀

Meg’s Monday Musings, I guess

Over the last few years, I have become increasingly aware of how we are all different. I don’t just mean in physical appearance, or in our hearts… I have also extended my thinking to cover things like how we respond to things, what works FOR US, our opinions and the way we approach the situations life gives us, etc.
Something else I have become increasingly aware of in my own heart is the need to not only respect these differences, but celebrate them because, quite frankly, the world needs all of us. We just have different things to contribute.

Sadly, in some cases, there will be times where celebration falls short, because that particular thing is disheartening, saddening, confusing. Perhaps that person has been shaped by a particular experience in a negative way, and that is the reason for them responding in a way that elicits hurt, anger and bitterness though.
There is a saying that goes something like this : I still care. I still want to see you eat. Just not at my table.

I understand that. A part of me can agree with that saying. And yet….

I will always want people to eat at my table. Eventually. If at all possible. And of course saying that elicits responses like, ”You’re a sucker for punishment”, ”you’re weak and a doormat”, ”you clearly lack boundaries and deserve to have your peace thrown in turmoil, because you aren’t protecting it”.

What is really funny to me is that I CAN see the small bits of truth in those things. Thanks to technology we have an overload of information to teach us all of the above, especially when it comes to boundaries and protecting our peace. We have advice pouring in via social media in the way of articles and memes and short videos to make us strong and prevent us from becoming ‘doormats’.

I remember reading once : The heart of the problem is a problem of the heart.

And so, as my heart is changing radically (in what I deem as all the best ways) a lot of the advice and sayings out there are becoming things that I just can’t fully agree with. A sucker for punishment, indeed! Because this DOES make me MORE vulnerable, and more open to experiencing hurt and heartache. BUT it has also brought me a strange sense of peace, which I simply can’t afford to fight against to satisfy the countless items of advice to ‘protect my peace’ when I have found it in a way that is not in alignment with all these things.

I am able to agree to disagree. I don’t need to always be right. I also don’t need to force my opinions and advice on people in a way that I get frustrated and angry when they don’t do what I have told them to. I am ACCEPTING of the concept that WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! One of the hardest things I have done, and have to do every now and then, is forgive people who are not sorry, will not say they are sorry, and live in a space where they truly believe that they have done nothing wrong.

And I have, in all of this, realised something that I think is important – TO ME : I actually don’t need apologies, or changed behaviour to prove that you’re sorry. It isn’t why I am still here roaming this earth – it’s not my purpose, if you will.
Other people’s choices, behaviour and the condition of their hearts is not my responsibility. But I AM responsible for my choices, behaviour and the condition of my heart.

There are people in my life who have hurt me deeply. Someone very close to me, my very own blood, has made a lifetime of ‘trying to destroy me’, when she was supposed to love me and nurture me. People in positions of power have abused me. But all of that? Whatever choices they made and whatever they tried to do to me? Well… that is on them. Not me. I have learnt that forgiving them, even though they will never say they are sorry… TRULY forgiving them in MY heart, brings ME peace. And pretty much introduces a freedom within me that I have struggled to grasp for so many years.

Jumping back to eating at my table : any wounds, dissatisfaction, or pain that they be suffering now might possibly be self-inflicted. It is not for me to judge them for that. Or to even rejoice in the fact that they are now possibly ‘getting what they deserve’. NOT MY PLACE. NOT MY BUSINESS.
And if those people reach a point in their lives where they show up at my table, WITHOUT apology, needing a little bit of kindness, compassion, or food for their souls to help them face the day because a particular choice they made or circumstance they are facing has caused them a deep hurt, despite warnings I may have issued or advice I had given? Well, who am I to tell them : Oh, I care… but off you go. Go and find another table. Love isn’t served here.

The last few weeks have not only shown me all the things I DON’T want to be…. it has taught me the greatest lesson of all time. The ONE thing I ABSOLUTELY NEED to be. LOVE.

And because I lack perfection, this is harder than just learning the lesson. Along the way, I am finding myself in situations where this is being put to the test. In most cases, I am getting it right. There are still the odd ones though where I need to iron MYSELF out, and be more determined about living out love, no matter what it costs me.

Unfortunately, feeling and thinking all of the above means that there will be tables that I will be no longer invited to. There will not be an attitude of ‘agree to disagree’ and I will be viewed in an undesirable light, and criticised in many ways. And the feeling and knowledge of that? Well, it feels a bit like trying to swallow a pineapple whole.
But here’s the thing. It’s THEIR table. If I am not welcome there, then I need to respect that. I need to truly forgive so that I can find peace.
And if there ever comes a day where they approach MY table in an hour of need (even if only to just get them through that need and have them walk away again) I will set them a place, comfort them and show them kindness, and love them for as long as they let me.

NONE of these changed hearts attitudes have come without a price to me. NONE of the musings above have come easy. NONE of it is necessarily part of YOUR journey. But it is a part of mine. As are each and every one of you.

Here’s hoping you all have an incredibly special and wonderfully enlightening week ❀

Where are you, Meg?

I am not sure who it was exactly who said it originally, but there is a very well known saying (slightly abbreviated from the original version) :

”Time waits for no man.”

And in case there is any confusion : sorry ladies, it doesn’t wait for us either πŸ˜›

The last couple of weeks saw me reaching a whole new level of being busy, because as I have mentioned before, life happens even when we are busy making other plans. πŸ˜› Circumstances out of my control meant that a lot of things happened at once, and I had no choice BUT to give them my immediate attention – trying my best to juggle a multitude of balls, and yes… I definitely dropped one or two. But I made it through the chaos, and that matters.

There were some friends who I remained in contact with during this period, although not as much as I would have liked to. I was honest with them about the demands on my time, and shared a bit of the ‘busy’ side of things. But I only shared what I guess would be considered the ‘physically’ busy side of things. ”Driving from here to there for ‘x’, meetings and endless phone calls to sort out ‘y’, etc.”

I have one particular friend with whom I am in very close contact – as in ‘every day conversation’ via messaging. I started to share the emotional side, I guess you could call it, that was absorbing my ‘other time/free time’ that I get given every day, and unfortunately it opened a door that caused me a lot of hurt and pain.

But it reminded me yet again that I have been shaped and molded the way I am for a reason.
That we are all DIFFERENT and that it is okay. And that my acceptance of that is not a weakness, despite who may think it is, but ultimately a strength.
That the ability to still see immense value in others just because they approach things differently and do what works for them is also a strength.
That still being able to love them with all my heart and treat them with kindness when they are adamant I am completely wrong and need to change my views, is strength.
That choosing to still treat those who have hurt me so very deeply, and tried to pretty much destroy the good in me, with compassion and respect is also A STRENGTH. And trust me, the fact that there is still a small spark of a love that I cannot explain for them absolutely astounds me.

Regarding that last statement in the paragraph above – a lot of people criticise me for it, and provide a host of reasons for it that link back to abuse. And while I can see the validity in what they are saying, and appreciate that abuse does shape certain things in us and spark reactions that are not natural, my ultimate reason for MY conclusion and my feelings is one that defies comprehension for many (including me sometimes) and is also one that is a PERSONAL thing and not something I can tell you how to do or even begin to properly explain.
My ultimate reason is this : part of this very painful emotional journey from the last couple of weeks has been the realisation :

I have needed mercy SO MANY times in my life, especially in times where I have hurt others in so many ways – even if my lashing out was deserved by them. What right do I have to not show it to others, even those who have done nothing other than to try and destroy me?
If I am willing, and live my life, being kind and loving to strangers who will not always return the same to me, then how can I not be willing to also extend mercy?

There IS a pill that I am struggling to swallow though – something I really struggle to understand. But there is a Voice that whispers to me that I don’t NEED to understand EVERYTHING. I try very hard not to argue. But man, oh man, it’s tough! I don’t fully understand why, when we all want respect and want people to accept that we have our OWN views and opinions, we fight so hard to force others to think exactly how we do… to a level that we disrespect their own views and opinions and choices.
I KNOW it’s a human condition, and something I have been guilty of in my younger years… but it still frustrates me trying to understand the why. , because I can’t even tell you why I used to do it πŸ˜› I really HAVE to just ‘let it go’.

I am hoping that somehow, some way, something in the above has been of help to someone. I don’t expect anyone to take anything ‘away’ from it though, simply because it is MY views and opinions, the choice I have made when it comes to living my life, and you may not agree. And guess what, I am okay with that. You still have value in this world. It’s not up to me to try and change you… it’s up to me to change ME, and just keep loving YOU for who you are.

I DO want a to share an image with you in closing though. Something I have had to remind MYSELF of EVERY DAY for the last two weeks, more than once a day….

Sending love to each and every one of you ❀ Here’s hoping you all get to experience LOTS of wonderful things this week.

I woke up

I woke up this morning.

That is all.

But I was reminded the other day, when I reread something, that waking up is enough.

It’s enough to be thankful for, and to celebrate.

No matter what the day ahead holds – I WOKE UP.

So many don’t.

The last few days have been tumultuous – a loud confused noise. I will no doubt blog about it soon enough – in fact I NEED to write so desperately.

BUT, the load on my shoulders has been increased; I have had added responsibility placed on me – the type where none of it is in my control, and yet I am expected to ‘solve things’ and stay on top of everything. I am still confused as to who thought it was a good idea to place the extra emotional, and some physical (she IS in a care home) responsibility of my mother on me entirely, when I am the SINGLE WOMAN with two dependents living under my roof that I am already physically and emotionally responsible for.Β  But I’ll get to that in another blog post.

At the moment, I am physically and emotionally exhausted by 17:00 every day, to the point where I can’t even have a decent conversation – the impossible heat has not helped. (It rained during the night though and this morning is decidedly cooler – a welcome reprieve from what had become debilitating heat.) I go to bed by 21:00 and sleep right through anything and everything. I get up at 05:00, and feel my strength has returned and I am able to face whatever the day ahead wants to give me… only to find that waning by 11:00.

However, this too shall pass. At the moment, it feels like it’s going to pass like a kidney stone πŸ˜› But that too shall improve πŸ˜‰ I have to believe there are better days ahead.

And besides, I WOKE UP THIS MORNING!

Something else I was reminded of….

A story, that is actually quite applicable to my current situation in so many ways.

“A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him. The bite caused excruciating pain, the man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire. The man tried to pull it out again and again the snake bit him.

Someone who was watching approached the man and said:
β€œExcuse me, but don’t you understand that every time you try to get the snake out of the fire, it’s going to bite you? Why are you being stubborn?”

The man replied:
β€œThe nature of the snake is to bite, but that’s not gonna change my nature, which is to help.”

So, with the help of a metal pole, the man took the snake out of the fire and saved its life.

Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your essence, only take precautions. Worry more about your conscience than your reputation. Your conscience is what you are, and your reputation is simply what others think of you – and what other people think is not your problem… it’s theirs.”

I will catch on blog posts, hopefully tomorrow.

For now, I hope everyone is well and happy. And that you all woke up this morning πŸ˜‰

heartfelt contact

I received an email yesterday. Someone was genuinely concerned about me, and my absence from WordPress. This person wanted to know if I was okay – and to be honest, I am still not sure how I am, really. But this post is not to dwell on that. (There has been a lot going on the last ten days! Safety wise, the children and I are fine, though!)

I felt really bad when I received the email. Ridiculous, right?!?! Let me explain…

I tend to forget that there are people out there who may be concerned about me – people who actually miss my input… be it overwhelmingly me, or simply just a blog post. And I felt quite terrible/bad due to guilt of having someone worry because of me.

More explanations are necessary πŸ˜›

My real friends know every truth there is to know about me. My family don’t, because they’ve never bothered to ask – brothers, parents, cousins etc. have no idea of the things that I have been through. They’re too busy judging what they think they saw, and denying their roles. But my real friends know, because they’ve asked, and loved me unconditionally. A lot of those friendships have been built on 10 – 25 years of knowing me… that’s GOT to be unconditional love, right? πŸ˜›

Those real friends are my people. And they know me as ‘the strong one who always has a smile and a word of encouragement; the survivor who is always somehow okay’. And you can ask any of them, even in moments where I am not sure whether or not I actually AM okay (like now), or in moments when I SAY I am falling apart, none of them are deeply concerned about me… they just know that I will get through whatever it is I am going through. And although they reassure and encourage me with forwarded picture messages, and tell me that I have meaning in their lives, if they don’t talk to me for a few days, they don’t worry about me.

And because of this blessing (although sometimes it feels like a curse.. explanation to follow) in my personality, I am also the one that everyone comes to for help so that they don’t fall apart. And for some strange reason, there IS always a part of me to give. Even when I am sapped and think there isn’t. (Although admittedly, I take a personal sabbatical sometimes… but I struggle to resist the temptation of helping!)

The ‘curse’ part of this is as follows : there is very seldom just a concerned message asking if I really am okay. No, my friends are not shallow, and they definitely care for and love me. I don’t think I can explain it in a way that makes sense. I HAVE reached out previously, in moments of distress, and they HAVE been there. And the love and support has never been lacking in those moments.

But it’s very seldom that they will reach out to me just to ask if I am okay.

We have the types of friendships where we can not speak or see each other for six months, and when we get together you would think we had seen each other just yesterday.

And every now and then, the fact that no one checks up on me, sort of hurts. I was discussing this with a therapist friend, who comes to me for therapy sometimes – because even a therapist needs therapy πŸ˜›
Her recommendation to me was to tell them how I feel – and when I did, I got the answers I told you above – I am the strong one, I am the survivor… they know I am okay.

AND THEY KNOW that if I am truly feeling like I am at breaking point, I’ll let them know.

I’m okay with that.

Yesterday’s email made me cry.Β 

(I’ve been ill, and it always makes me feel a little more emotional than usual… but it also touched me deeply.)

The kindness shown in popping off an email and telling me that ‘you’ were concerned about me was completely overwhelming. While I felt terribly guilty that I had caused worry and concern, at the same time I felt cared about and missed. And I remembered what a comforting and soul-feeding emotion that was!

I’m still sick, so this is not the best of blog posts. But here’s what I’d like to say :

Think of your strongest, most encouraging, survivor-style friend… and send them a heartfelt ‘how are you’, please. They’ll probably say they are fine πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰
But please check in with the ones who always take the time to check in on you πŸ˜‰
That type of kindness simply has no measure.

And thank you to my blogging friend for making my day. πŸ˜‰

And thank you to everyone who reads and comments on my WordPress – your input makes me feel loved and valued too. This community rocks! ❀

emotionally easy and ghosting

“Sometimes you just have to stay silent because no words can explain
what is going on in your mind and heart.”
β€” Author Unknown

Some people struggle to explain the magnitude of emotions they are feeling, and think it is a pointless exercise.
I have always been classed as ‘not one of those people’. I guess you could say that when it comes to emotion, I’m easy.
Whether I am struggling with negative emotion, or bouncing off the walls in a state of positive euphoria, you will know. Because I will tell you. I’m honest that way.
And even when I have ‘no words’ ….given the opportunity, I will share many – not that my insights are always of great value. And despite the emotional verbal easiness, I don’tΒ have to have the last word.Β But I also just don’t believe in silence.
How can I say care about, and have a passion for people, and yetΒ not talk to them, hear them, communicate with them, be honest with them? Needless to say, ‘the silent treatment’ has never gone down well with me.

And so this new trend of ‘ghosting’ deeply concerns me.
Yet another breakdown in society – another replacement for the moral value of honesty.

Ghosting / giving someone the cold shoulder and silent treatment is not a new phenomenon. But the regularity and recent trendiness of it is – and although the association seems to be mostly within the online dating community, it’s filtering into everyday life too. And it’s doing a lot of damage. It doesn’t just end there – apparently there is also ‘soft ghosting’. This is where you don’t just sever contact completely – you give them the odd thumbs up, or like on a Facebook post or tweet – keep them hanging on a thread, perhaps?
(I have to mention here that cutting someone off after repeatedly communicating your reasons for not wanting to have them in your life is not considered ghosting.)
So here’s my emotionally easy view on the concept of ghosting, soft or not :

The above comes from the Urban Dictionary.
Another definition can be found at The Free Dictionary : DoΒ notΒ misbehaveΒ ifΒ youΒ areΒ unpreparedΒ orΒ unwillingΒ toΒ acceptΒ theΒ punishment.Β 

Online dating is not misbehaving (not generally πŸ˜› ) and neither is the attempt at cultivating friendships and/or relationships. However, playing with someone’s emotions and possibly destroying their already fragile self esteem is.

The desire to seek out a partner for life, or to make a new friend, is not a crime. But unfortunately itΒ does come with consequences and itΒ will take your time.

Because any relationship is hard work. Investment is key to making it a success – in all aspects. And emotional investment means opening yourself up to not only a wealth of positive feelings, but sometimes negative ones too.
I am fortunate to have a handful of friends who have walked my road with me for more than twenty years. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t moments where they may still disappoint me, or say something that hurts, or bruise my ego. Because we’re all human and we all have our moments. We wouldn’t still be friends though if I chose to just cut them off. Communication has been the key to opening the door to a lengthy and fulfilling friendship with each of them.

I was recently ghosted by a new friend. Even as I type, I still have absolutely no idea what it is that I did/said wrong. What I do know though is that this particular new friend, by her own admission and in her own words, once said to me, ”I think I am a little bit emotionally immature. And I just can’t do confrontation. So if something upsets me, I rather just completely ignore it and walk away.”

So her ghosting me has come as no surprise. And although I am a little hurt, and completely dumbfounded as to the reason why, I understand that the crux of the issue is hers, and not mine. And this is an important thing to understand when you have been ghosted : it’s probably not personal and thus you should not own it. This is not always a reflection of your character, but most times a reflection of theirs.

In a world where ghosting and soft ghosting is trending, would it not be great to start a new trend? A trend of communication and honesty. A trend that says, “I will deal with you, and I see you, and I will tell you, because you matter!”

Because, ladies and gentlemen, all lives matter.Β 

Wound repair in every aspect

My friend was closely inspecting me with a strange stare and I became uncomfortable – naturally.
No one likes being stared at.
The words that followed made me smile,
“My word, you have so many scars on your face. They’re small and not really noticeable, but when I really look I can see them.”
My scars are as a result of being a passenger in a motor vehicle accident when I was eighteen – glass shattered in my face and in some places embedded itself inside the skin. My scars should be worse. I was blessed. They’re barely noticeable.
I smiled because….

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I’m a match!

She was 44 and we’d been friends for 22 years when the call came.
“I’m dying.”
She had been diagnosed with cancer a few months before this, but the cancer had ravaged her body to the extent that these were the calls she was having to make.
She passed away about six weeks after that call. I’m thankful I had the opportunity to spend last moments in time with her, and that I was able to love her and say ‘see you later – keep me a place’.

But her life was too short and she was gone too soon.

I met a lady four years ago, on her seventieth birthday. Her life had been difficult and painful, having buried her husband in her thirties after losing their child, and then burying her other two children not even ten years later.
At the age of 65 she was diagnosed with cancer, and every day thereafter increased her suffering in this life.
On her deathbed, shortly before turning 71,she whispered to her sister,
“I’m ready to go now. I have been for a very long time. They’re waiting. Sometimes I think that this life of mine has just gone on too long.”

Some people say life is too short. Others say life is too long. I say that it doesn’t matter – it’s not worth anything unless you touch the lives and hearts of others in a positive way!

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