When I am frustrated…

… I WILL PERSEVERE!

I sometimes sit down and type random word documents ‘to myself’. They’re either part of a bigger picture, or just something that has struck me in the moment. I am currently extremely frustrated (it’s a very long story, ha ha!) and I happened upon this piece that I wrote about 4 years ago….

”Are you a stubborn person? I know I can be. Not all the time, but I have my moments.
Perseverance is stubbornness, with a purpose.
It’s a good kind of stubborn.

Albert Einstein was heard saying that he was not a very smart man – it was just that he ‘stayed with his problems for longer’. In other words he persevered, until he found the answer.
Did you know Walt Disney was turned down 302 times before he got financing for his dream of creating the “Happiest Place on Earth”. Today, due to his persistence, millions of people have shared ‘the joy of Disney’.

Thomas Edison said that many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

You’ve failed many times, although you may not remember. You fell down the first time you tried to walk. You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim, didn’t you? Did you hit the ball the first time you swung a bat? Heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also strike out a lot.

Macy’s – R.H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York caught on.
English novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books.
Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs.

Don’t worry about failure.
Worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.”

Of late, I find myself waking up each morning to the sound of my alarm, and uttering with a sigh of relief : ”thank goodness I GOT TO WAKE UP this morning!”

The days are incredibly challenging, to say the least. And not just for me, but for so many who I know where the hits just keep coming, and not just ‘the small stuff’ that makes up daily life.

And so… my challenge to myself at the moment is to continue to persevere, to continue to be grateful, and to continue to search for the good, because it is definitely there, in each moment!

My hope for you is that the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT another train coming 😉 Just keep persevering, and may you be rewarded with something good! ❤

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Almost time

It’s that time of year again! The very last day of it! Soon we will usher in a whole new 365 days! What will we do with them?

Do you have big plans for tonight? I do – they involve my dogs, my daughter and my pyjama’s! 😛 I probably won’t make it to midnight, again! No matter! So long as I get to wake up and experience the next new day, I’m happy 😉
My happiness may be short lived, because we all know that while each day is a gift and full of opportunity, sometimes things come our way and try to detract from its beauty. But this is life. A mixture of mishaps and motivations! Disappointments, and fulfilling rewards!
As the saying goes, ‘you can’t have a rainbow without the rain‘ 😉

I gave up on New Year’s resolutions years ago. I decided that life applies enough pressure, why should I add to it and find more ways to disappoint myself? 😛 Ha ha ha! However, yes, I do still have goals and dreams… you just never know 😉
But seriously…..

I find myself chanting, ”Little things make big things happen”.
And I’m a sucker for hope.

Being the way I am doesn’t win me a lot of friends, surprisingly. Comments are usually along the lines of me being ”annoyingly positive and optimistic”’, and ”unrealistically hopeful because you’re not in control of those things now, are you?”

Being annoyingly positive and optimistic is what works for me – it keeps me going, and it’s the way I choose to be, because without it I’d be risking becoming destructively negative and hateful. ”Know thyself” – I know me. I know my history, and I know there is the potential for much bitterness, if I don’t try and keep that door closed. So I simply HAVE to keep trying!

As for the unrealistically hopeful part? I agree – I can only control myself, and for most of us our living circumstances usually put us in a position where we’re at the mercy of others (some examples : if you live in a housing development, you can’t just do as you please because there are rules; each country has laws that need to be followed, so again, we cannot just do as we please; if you’re waiting on important documentation, you cannot control the time it will take/you have no say in the process that needs to be followed).
But as dire as those things seem, even when the outcome seems impossible….
There is always hope!
Once again, this is a way I choose to be, because without it I strongly suspect I may cease to be me.
It’s difficult for me to explain, and you could probably only understand it if you have ever felt the same way. It’s not that I am unrealistic. It’s not that I refuse to acknowledge the challenges, or am oblivious to the limitations. I DO see all of those things! But at the very same time there is a flame within that burns, reminding me, ”Don’t give up. Not yet. You just never know!”
I suspect that that is what fuels my journey. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr. :

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.”

Returning to ”little things make big things happen”…..

I am going into the New Year hoping for something in particular for 2022. It is not a big thing. It is monumentally huge! It’s going to require little and big things in order for it to happen. And to be totally honest, I am already feeling a little bit frustrated, ha ha ha! Because it’s a goal that is realistic, but at the same time because of time, and my inability to control everything, is also a little bit unrealistic.
Next mantra on repeat : ”Don’t give up. Not yet. You just never know!”

As and when, if it happens or if it doesn’t, I will share with all of you. I am hopeful that it will be a share of celebration! I acknowledge the possibility that it may not. BUT :
Whatever the ‘weather’, we’ll weather the weather, whether we want to or not 😉

So very grateful to each and every one of you for reading and commenting and liking over the years – I treasure having you all along for the ride 😉

And I’ll end with this :

“We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives…not looking for flaws, but for potential.” ― Ellen Goodman

No matter what lies ahead in the year that is coming, my hope is that you will all find the strength to carry on and face each new day with the thought to at least keep TRYING! And my extra special request for each person who has read this is that in that trying, you will be surprised by some ‘supposed unrealistic happenings’ being made real for you in the very best of ways! ❤

HAPPY NEW YEAR, ONE AND ALL!

Win some, lose some

Yesterday, I had a one hour wait in my car with my teenage daughter, between her school ending and allotted time slot for dancing. She had some school work to finish, and I was looking forward to spending some time reading my book. It was only about fifteen minutes after we had parked that I was able to pick it up, because of course there is the ”catch up on her day” while she eats first.

Before I opened it, I first scanned the street, double checking our safety (because that is how life is lived here), and a man a little further down the road caught my eye.
And I struggled to concentrate after that, reading only a few lines before needing to look up and watch him for a bit.
Not because he was menacing. And not because he was attractive either 😛

He had his phone in his hand, and was clearly following some form of workout on it. He would jog a short distance, then jog back to his spot, then do three sets of eight of some form of cardio exercise. Then he’d take a deep breath in and out, and repeat the whole cycle – each repetition of the cardio changing as he progressed.

What struck me was this :

He was a slightly overweight man, who appeared to me to be somewhere in his fifties.
And he was not very good at what he was doing.
But he was still doing it… and on a public street too!

(I have to add that I have a LOT of admiration for ‘overweight, untoned’ people who exercise in public. I always look at them and think, ”good for you! I should be doing that! Keep your head held high – respect!”)

My daughter saw me watching, and told me not to stare. I told her, ”I can’t help it. I should be doing that!” She replied, ”then go do it…. but not here, please! All the dancers and parents will see you, and that’s just embarrassing!” And I laughed out loud!
I tried very hard to prevent him from seeing me watching, but about halfway through his workout, I found myself staring at him as he jogged back up the road to his spot without really thinking anything, and we locked eyes. He gave me a small smile, and lifted his hand to say hi, before turning his attention back to his phone to do his cardio.

Knowing I was watching changed nothing – he didn’t suddenly improve on the exercise, or get an impressive second wind and jog a bit faster…. he continued on exactly the same as before. He knew I was watching, but he didn’t stop! Sometimes, even though we’re in public, we only really get uncomfortable when we catch someone watching us. If the roles had been reversed, I would have stopped.
And the thought that came to mind was, ”This guy has it right! What other people think of him is none of his business! He is doing this for himself, and is focused on the task at hand, probably knowing that the more he does it, the better he’ll get at it.”

A couple of minutes before my daughter went into the studio, I watched him finish off a small stretching routine, chug down some water, and walk back into his house. I was surprised to find that, for a moment, I felt some joy and satisfaction on his behalf! I know… I’m a weirdo 😛

Unfortunately I was brought up with far too many limiting beliefs, and a lot of negativity about me personally, and I still find myself trying to unpack a lot even now.
And it’s hard. There are daily battles (some come hourly), and I win some, and I lose some. And I think it happens that way to most of us.
But I still believe that the most important thing is not in the losing, or the winning… but the trying. Yes, we need to celebrate the wins. But sometimes I think we lost sight of the fact that we should also be celebrating the ‘TRY’S’.

One of my try’s is to ‘stop listening to the voice in your head that has told you for years that you can’t because what will people think!’

Now… please don’t get me wrong…. I am not saying that we should just do or say what we please because we don’t care what anyone thinks – because that sometimes becomes an excuse for us to behave badly. You can’t, for example, intentionally insult someone and have the attitude, ”Yes, I went there and I don’t care what you think, because this is me.”
Our ‘not caring what other people think’ should never be used as an excuse for us to be rude, disrespectful or hurtful. It should not make us insensitive or cause harm to others, whether they deserve it or not.

But I DO think that sometimes we need to just dance like no one is watching… and if we catch someone watching? Well, we should just carry on dancing.

Yes, I know it’s hard. But we can try 😉

Here’s to trying, winning, and sometimes even losing. Because if we’re open to it, there’s usually a lesson in the losing 😉 Have a great day, everyone!

Kindly smiling and caring…

Just checking in quickly with a little bit of Monday Motivation 😉

It’s one of those ‘ripple effect’ kind of things… it will leave you, and the recipient, both smiling 😉

This image popped up in my Facebook memories as something I shared a year ago. Not only is it a worthy re-share, but also a great reminder for me 🙂

Heading out the door, determined to do the above as I make my way through the day. Except the touch part. People are not very receptive to a random stranger touching them 😛

Have a fantastic week, everyone! ❤

IMHO

I heard something said the other day that is definitely worth sharing. And although I will share it, it won’t be in this post 😛

Instead, this post is to address ‘an issue’ of sorts. And hopefully make you laugh a bit along the way 😉

IMHO

You know what that acronym means, right? Well… I didn’t!
I was only told its meaning a couple of years ago, when in desperation I finally asked what it meant. (I still don’t know why I didn’t just google it!!!)

I had a friend who used the acronym often… but it was always at the ‘end’ of something she said, and so it made no difference to me that I didn’t know what she meant. Until the day I asked for advice via text, and she replied, ”IMHO?”
It was time for me to ‘fess up!
My text read : ”I know you’re going to tell me I am backwards…. but what does IMHO mean, please?”

She CALLED me to reply… but she couldn’t even say ‘hello’, she was laughing so much! And every time I think of that day, I laugh too…at myself! When she finally choked out the definition, I shook my head in wonder that I had not figured that out!

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION! Of course! (Come to think of it now, she never did give me the advice I had asked for. Hmmmm. 😛 )

Except these days there seems to be more of the opinion, and less of the humble. Especially on social media. And it’s become quite a sad state of affairs. If I did grab a bowl of popcorn every time a ‘Facebook fight’ occurred as instructed by a popular meme, I’d never eat anything other than popcorn! 😛 (And that’s in community groups…not even personal pages! SMH! – I know what that means, but in case you don’t : SHAKING MY HEAD 😉 )

I’ve been blogging for about 15 years now. Not always on WordPress though. For the most part, the blogging world has been rather safe….
there seems to be a general knowledge AND RESPECT (because let’s face it, it really does come down to respecting our differences, even on social media) for the fact that if you are a ‘personal blogger’ then the things on your blog posts are pretty much, well, personal.

But after seeing some keyboard warriors at work this morning on a community post, making things personal and pretty much trying to ruin each others reputation, I decided to type this blog post as a form of what my blog means : ‘nopassingfancy in Meg’s mind’. I may even start adding a link to it at the end of some of my posts 😛

When I research things and add them here, I give credit (unless the author is unknown). And at those times, clearly it isn’t MY opinion. Depending on the post, and what I say about whatever I quote, I either agree or disagree with that research.
However, a LOT of what I write is OPINION based.
And EXPERIENCE based – but it’s based on MY personal experience…
And the aftermath? The things I do, or share, or my opinion of the occurrences?
Well… it’s ALL ABOUT ME 😛

I cannot stress enough : we are all different. This means that everything : how we respond to things, how we feel about things, what we think about things etc. will also be different.
By no means do I share things as a ‘foolproof plan for YOUR life/to heal YOUR hurt/to help YOU move forward’.
I do know, from personal experience 😛 though, that reading about the ways of others can sometimes put me back on the path, or help me change my mindset, or inspire and encourage me. And so that is why I share.

I respect that what works for me might not work for you. I respect that not everyone shares my faith, or has the same opinions as me. I really do. And guess what? I still value you stopping by and reading, and commenting. You still have worth in my eyes. Even if you don’t agree with me.

You have your opinion, and I have mine. RESPECT says we can co-exist in the blogosphere 😉 (It would work on Facebook too if people remembered the word! 😛 )

And no… no one has been mean to me on here 😉 (Not lately, anyway)

I just thought I would put it out there, as a little reminder : I’m not selling you anything that is guaranteed to work. I’m giving you ideas based on what has worked FOR ME. (And sharing all my spectacular failures along the way 😛 )

I’m glad you’re here. I’m encouraged, and incredibly grateful, that you take time out to read my words – my mishaps and my motivations that keep ME going.

Hopefully I bring a little sunshine to your days 😉

The world needs love. Especially now. Part of that love is to just respect the fact that we all have our own thoughts and opinions. (Well, that’s MY opinion anyway 😛 ) Let’s get out there and be kind, even to those who don’t agree with us.

And if you think what I have said is wrong, you might be right. Who knows?!?!
You matter to me anyway, and I am glad you stopped by my blog and took the time to read ❤

Battery light

A couple of months ago, my bathroom scale stopped working. I was thrilled. My teenage daughter, not so much 😛

My son asked if that meant we had to buy a new one, or is a bathroom scale battery operated? I replied with a hasty, ”battery, will get later”, because I was on my way out the door.

A few hours later, I returned home with two packs of batteries, AA and AAA. I opened up the back compartment and realised that neither one would work. It needed one of those 2032 flat batteries. I’d never owned anything before that used those types of batteries, so it was new to me. I didn’t recall ever seeing one like that either. Yes, you can laugh at me and ask, ”You’re HOW old?” Well, clearly not too old to learn something new 😛

The following morning, I took the flat little battery ‘coin’ to the shop with me, and was surprised to see a whole section of different brands, right next to the batteries I usually buy! Note to self : be more observant! 😛
Armed with a matching flat, I returned home and hey presto, our scale worked again! Much to my disgust 😛

Why the battery story? I read something this morning that I felt I simply had to share with you. So the anecdote was your introduction 😉

I identified so much with the first part of the little story I read this morning because I have a torch/flashlight that is busy dimming. It needs new batteries. And thanks to my bathroom scale disaster, I still have some in my drawer 😉
The story I read goes like this (no idea who to credit because there was no name attached to it) :

When a torch/flashlight grows dim or quits working, do you just throw it away? Of course not! You change the batteries!
When a person messes up or finds themselves in a dark place, should we just cast them aside? Of course not! We should help them change their batteries!

Some need AA – attention and affection. Some need AAA – attention, affection and acceptance. Some need C – compassion. Some need D – direction.

And if they still don’t seem to shine, sometimes we just need to sit with them quietly and share OUR light with them!

(I understand that there are some cases with circumstances where none of the above apply. BUT in all cases, the above is needed, whether it changes things or not!)

Here’s to being kind! To accepting and acknowledging others! To showing compassion! To sharing our light!

You are needed

Somewhere, someone threw an alarm clock, and it caused time to fly, and I am not even entirely sure what day it is today 😛

In the last few days, I have packed up my mother’s things, moved her to a new frail care facility, and unpacked everything for her on that side too. My body hurts in places I didn’t even know I had muscles 😛
Yes… it’s been exhausting. The ‘teething problems’ have been tough emotionally. It will be a while still till she settles properly.
BUT… I am grateful she is somewhere that she will be properly fed and cared for.
I am grateful that I had the strength and ability to be able to do all that I have done.
I am grateful that I have a home, and a warm bed, to finish my days with.
I am exhausted. But I can still smile. I have so much to smile about, after all. And what I don’t have? Well, then maybe I don’t need it 😉

Now on to today’s blog post… whatever day today is 😛

I have a wonderful fellow blogger on here who I regularly exchange emails with. A very private person, who doesn’t really reveal too much, and yet there are plenty of things I DO know. And every day, I see something in my few minutes of mindless scrolling on Facebook that make me think of this person. Because it is just who I have got to know them to be – the things that have been revealed are evidence of this sort of character.

The image I am talking about reads like this :

”I cannot do all the good that the world needs. But the world needs all the good I CAN do.” ~ Jana Stanfield

One of my friends added in the comments, because I shared the image, that ‘even a small light in a dark tunnel is still a light’. Somebody else said to me, ”Oh Megs, this is just YOU to a tee!”

My thoughts for today on this?

What words do people associate with you? But more importantly, what words would you WANT them to associate with you? And are you trying to live up to the those words, at least? Because trying, and slow progress, is better than no progress, remember? 😉

AND….

Whatever day it is today 😛 , and no matter what your day holds, try and be kind… try and do some good… because the world needs that, but more importantly, the world needs YOU!

The Glowing Effect

I had a telephone conversation yesterday with someone who, like me, is facing an onslaught of ‘troubles’ and starting to feel like disappointments and problems are becoming far too familiar, as each hour of the day ticks by. We both laughed as we said at the very same time, ”I just feel like I am so over it all, but quitting isn’t an option.”

We continued to chat, at length, and I thought I’d share a summary of sorts with you all.

I don’t know if you have ever seen the meme about temptation, but it goes like this :

”Lead me not into temptation… I know the way already!” 😛

And the thing is that no matter where we’re at spiritually, we ALL know about temptation… and how easy it is to sometimes give in. (Deny what I have said, but please remember this the next time you know you are not supposed to have that slice of chocolate cake, but you simply must and so you eat it anyway. 😛 )
Temptation doesn’t always refer to ‘disastrous consequences’.

When we are faced with those times where everything is just ‘oh so hard’ and we really don’t see an end in sight (because perhaps we have no control over the situation to start with) it’s not hard to get tempted to allow our brains to start considering ‘quitting’ – over it all / I give up.

It’s in these moments that we have to choose to do possibly one of the bravest things we have ever done :
We have to not quit.

You may be thinking right now : but some things/situations need to be ‘quit’, and you know that, so what are you on about….

I’m on about this : No matter what, please don’t quit on YOURSELF! Yes, some things need to be ‘quit’ … but YOU don’t!

There is a BIG world out there, made up of a large amount of people, and each and every one is a unique individual with their very own talents, strengths, weaknesses… and responses.
Someone who can identify with me, understand me, be helped or positively affected by me? That someone may not respond to you in the same way. HOWEVER, there may be someone who just cannot hear what I say, but when they deal with you, you stir a fire in their soul.

Discouragement holds us back. Disappointment keeps us stuck. The chaos in this broken world hurts us and sometimes brings us to a full stop.

But if you are reading this? If you are still here? There’s purpose FOR YOU! There’s a reason you still exist, and it isn’t to quit!

You are here because someone out there NEEDS YOU!

You might even be the only one who they can accept kindness from; you might be the only one who makes them truly feel loved; you might be the only one who helps their heart fully appreciate that they have value.

Too often, we get so caught up in our ‘negative attributes’ that we forget the good things we have to offer this world.

So when everyone else keeps shouting about everything that is wrong with you, PLEASE shout to yourself about what is RIGHT about you.

I’m off to try and be a glimmer of light in someone else’s world today – because it always adds some light to mine.
To quote the first part of a famous quote by Martin Luther King Jr. :
”Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that…..”

And so when everything feels like it’s out of control, and darkness seems to be looming….
Let us not quit! Let us instead become glimmers of light!
It doesn’t just affect others, it begins to have a ‘glowing’ effect on us too 😉

Rocking out, and Eating Elephants

Do you know the song, Party Rock Anthem?

(I am very familiar with a variety of party/dance music – and not just because I have a teenage daughter. The familiarity dates back to when she was a little girl. She’s a dancer, and thankfully their dancing teacher always finds ‘clean’ versions of songs for them to dance to, even now. Strangely enough, my whole life, this type of music has always been a genre that has ‘got me going’. If my house needs a good clean? Dance music will be blaring. Even though I am in my early forties 😛 )

Back to the song I mentioned above…
There’s a repetitive line in it that says : ”Everyday I’m shuffling”.
Well, for me, I’m on the hunt for clown shoes, because I feel like ‘Everyday I’m JUGGLING’.
On any given day there are so many balls in my air space, all at once, that it takes a very large amount of effort for me to keep them there. I’d love to say that I am always 100% successful…. but like with any good circus clown, at least one needs to drop at some time, or else it wouldn’t be funny, right? 😛

I am relieved that most times, when I drop a ball, it isn’t too much of an issue. It’s minor things I may have let slip, or forgotten – no harm, no foul. Yesterday I dropped a ball though that could have been really serious. Thankfully, somehow, there was a Plan B (I still don’t know how there was a Plan B, because I had completely missed Plan A!!!) and so what could have been a serious problem, was just a minor bump in the road.

Last night, as my son was ‘passing through my space’, and heading to the shower, he made a comment about what had happened – which is odd because I had not said that I was open to discussion about the issue 😛
(In actual fact, when I briefly relayed a summary of events to the kids, I pretty much warned them that I was feeling super sensitive about it all, and so anything they were planning to talk about, even if unrelated, that they knew would add to my stressed out mind should probably be put on hold till today…. unless it was an emergency.)

And yet my son’s comment didn’t stress me out. It was one of those things that makes you stop and think, ”Who are you, and what have you done with my kid?” 😛
And it took my thoughts a little further too 😉

I am definitely ‘pro having an attitude of gratitude’, and even though some days are truly landslide days, I still find something to be grateful for.
I am also a ‘little things’ person – I notice and appreciate the small things, and I believe they do count.
It’s definitely a ‘lifestyle’ for me – a mindset that I have that I do without even knowing that I do it half the time.

And yet, surprisingly, there are still things that I ‘forget’. Little things that I see, without seeing.
(Kind of like when I bump into someone who says to me, ”I’ve driven past you about four times this week, and I’ve waved every time. You looked right at me, but didn’t wave back.”
And I have to tell them, ”I probably wasn’t actually looking at you – I was probably watching all the cars where you were, trying to anticipate their next move for my safety sake. I’m so sorry…. if I had seen you, I promise I would have waved.” And there is always a nod of understanding and a sympathetic comment, and off we go. Because where I live, driving on our roads is treacherous, and we all know it.)

So… sometimes it is only after a time of TRUE and QUIET reflection on events that happen, that I am able to fully SEE what I already saw in the moment. You’d think I’d do better at seeing these things, because a lot of times they’re actually kind of repetitive… but each time, there is a new ‘take away’, in some way, and so I can’t help but wonder if perhaps it’s not so much about the repetition / learning the lesson of seeing them every time ‘properly’, but more about the additional small things that get added along the way.

Desmond Tutu said something once, regarding ‘big’ problems :
”How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”
The meaning behind it is that pretty much most things in life that seem daunting or overwhelming can usually be accomplished or ‘solved’ by going slowly and taking on things a little bit at a time. But of course, this is not always perfect, because hey, as we all know, some things just aren’t in our control – no matter how much time we spend chewing 😉
But I still agree with him for the most part, if there are no control issues.

That said…

When you are presented with more than one elephant, as in a few of them? Let’s face it, that means more than one bite at a time…. and you just aren’t going to have the space in your stomach for those first bites, no matter how much you love to eat 😛
And you ARE going to feel overwhelmed and out of sorts.
Probably even more so when you gain a new elephant the next day!
(Isn’t life just the funniest thing, the way everything seems to ‘go wrong’ at once?)

But last night, I was reminded yet again :

I might feel like a clown (minus the shoes because I can’t find them) in a room full of elephants, juggling far too many balls to probably be considered ‘healthy’, and I might have the odd moment where I actually end up dropping a ball (which I do not find funny at all, sigh – until much later on 😛 )

BUT there’s a bigger picture, and my hope and my faith (which may be different to yours, and that is okay) sometimes works behind the scenes, and I get blindsided by goodness, especially when I had NO plan to start with.

I’ll leave you with this little note :

It is always good to have a plan – to be prepared, to have a goal with a strategic step-by-step to get you there – and to have a Plan B… C… D – because you never know what’s going to work, right?
But somedays? Somedays you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens (quote by Mandy Hale)…. especially on the days where you forgot to make a Plan A!!!
And on those days? When things turn out okay even though you dropped the ball?

Don’t forget to breathe out a huge sigh of gratitude! It will give you a reason to smile at least 😉

What do you say to yourself?

My car has gone in this morning to my local mechanic for some rather major repairs that simply had to be done. I am told that when I get it back, it will be like driving a new car. I sure hope so! I also really hope I will get it back today as I am on Mom’s Taxi duty this evening, having made arrangements for all the taxi duties for the day.
The lady who runs his office for him is in her early fifties, and is one of those really attractive ladies who always looks ‘well put together’. I find it quite daunting being in her presence 😛 But she’s a really great gal, and whenever I find myself there we always end up having lengthy conversations.

Last week I learned that she got divorced two years ago. So of course our lengthy conversation this time was pretty much based on ‘being single in our town’, and how important it is to have girl friends to hang out with, especially ones you can trust to ‘have your back’ if you do decide to venture out. She told me that she has a great lady to do stuff with, and that they’re always looking to add to their ‘girl’s group’. That they usually get together one night on the weekend just to alleviate any loneliness they may be experiencing, and have some good fun. She promised to let me know the next time they did anything, so that I could join them. And she messaged me the next day with an invite to a local craft brewery pub called Table 58, where they would be dining the following evening. Unfortunately, I had to decline as I had already committed to plans with my daughter.

This morning Leigh (the lady who works for the mechanic) was quite insistent that I need to join them tomorrow evening. They are having a braai at her friend’s house, with two other couples. She claimed that it would be rude of me to let her down two invites in a row 😛

Now if you don’t know what a braai is… it’s very similar to an American barbeque. It’s the same sort of concept where we grill/cook meat over an open fire. Most of these fires are wood-burning, and so if you visit here and someone asks you to come over and ‘burn wood’ it may have two meanings: it could mean to either just sit and watch the flames and drink beer or brandy; but most times it means they’re inviting you to a braai, and you need to bring the meat you want to eat to be cooked on the fire for you. In 2016 I wrote a post mentioning some amusing and ‘odd’ things in my country, with the above braai explanation, and if you’re interested then you can read it here.

My response to her invite was, ”Maybe. I’ll see.” Which opened me up to some prodding from her side, and me inevitably blurting out, ”But I don’t know anyone else, and I will just be so awkward”. And she stared at me in amazement. The rest of the conversation pretty much centered around the following :

I am not a person who has an issue with doing things alone – going to the movies, going out to eat, going for coffee etc. I can stand up on stage and perform in front of an audience; I can address a large group of people without anxiety. Many of my friends say to me, ”I wish I could be as confident as you are.”
But when it comes to more intimate settings? That dreaded self doubt looms its ugly head and I struggle – as in, just thinking about it, makes my palms sweaty and anxiety creeps in.

And I laugh at myself. Every time.

We truly are our own worst enemies, and I know I am not alone when it comes to being critical of myself. I have learned over the last year (because I became curious about my silly reactions to the ‘more personal’ settings) that it has to do with self-compassion. Yes, that really is a thing. And the more I have learned about it, the more I realise that it certainly is a ‘failure’ of mine.
I have a more than generous portion of compassion, acceptance and patience…. with other people! Too often, I forget to apply these things TO MYSELF!
And I know I am not alone.

The strangest of all (or perhaps it’s a part of the application process) is that I still feel like a worthy soul, and I do not doubt that I am loved. Even with the self doubt saying things like, ”You won’t fit in; you don’t dress as well as they do; your make-up is shoddily applied in comparison; their figures are even better than yours and they’re older than you!”
At the same time as all those horribly negative thoughts were bouncing around my head, it didn’t make me feel like I had no value. So perhaps it’s not such a failure, right?

My neighbour came to fetch me, and we spoke about the invitation on the way home, and in the driveway when we got here. He listened, with a smile on his face, and in his 63-year-old wisdom said this to me, ”If you go to the braai, dressed like them and made up like them, would you be comfortable?”
Nope. I would not.
He then said this : ”You would feel just as awkward, and like you didn’t fit, because that isn’t you. Who you are, and the way you are, is what makes you beautiful. And you are a stunning woman! So you’re not ‘supermodel material’? If I was younger, I would still date you. Because you are not like them!”

He reminded me, yet again, that I am uniquely me – and I may not be to everyone’s taste in many ways, AND THAT IS OKAY!
People! Women and men! Be originally and unapologetically yourself! The only person you need to be better than is the person YOU were yesterday! An original is worth far more than a copy!
And each and every one of you has worth!

I will go to this braai tomorrow, in my jeans and sneakers. I will wear my smile (because it looks great on me 😉 ) and my ‘slapped on make-up’ and just be myself. Because no one is better at being me than me. And I AM a beautiful me 😉