My daughter recently asked me to explore an old folder on my drive in search of a particular photograph. It took me a really long time. Because I discovered way more than I had bargained for, sending me down so many memory lanes that I started feeling like I may need my passport in hand! 😛 It was, for the most part, a lot of fun. I plan on spending more time looking through that older folder! 😉
Midway through it, when I had found what I was looking for, I noticed a Word document – untitled. I opened it and discovered the beginnings of a very old blog post. A movie review, of sorts. I stuck it somewhere in my head ‘for further review at a later stage’, and got busy with something else. I took a quick look at it this morning, and it made me smile. Another trip down a very special memory lane – especially since both my children are now adults!
Weekend afternoons used to be family movie times. My children knew that when 2pm rolled around, I was all theirs! And they’d have their two favourites lined up and waiting for Mom. But, one rainy Saturday afternoon, I picked the movie! My precious friend, Tess, had bought it for the children and I. (Oh, I still miss her so very much!!! 😦 ) My son had everything ready by the time I settled between the two of them, under a blanket, holding a large bowl of popcorn. He pressed play, and our ‘small soul’ journey began! We watched that same movie many times after that over the course of the next few months. And I know that both my ‘children’ watched it again (independently) a couple of years ago too! (As have I!) And it STILL impacts us, and teaches us, and inspires us!
The movie? The Ultimate Gift. (Based on the book by Jim Stovall) And watching it feels that way, every time! As if it’s a ‘priceless’ gift, containing all the best treasures! Can you tell that I love this movie? Ha ha! The IMDB synopsis says : A deceased billionaire leaves his spoiled adult grandson a series of odd tasks to perform in order to receive “the ultimate gift,” with the resentful grandson having no idea what that might be.
They don’t make it sound very watch worthy, do they? 😛
I say that yes, that synopsis IS correct… but there’s SO much more to it! It’s about a list that needs completing – a list of ‘gifts’ that will lead to the ultimate one! A list compiled in the hopes that this young man will abandon his selfishness, and embark on a journey of discovery where he will gain insight and somehow find the things that truly matter! He definitely encounters some tough trials (and meets the most delightful little lady who teaches him some lessons too, ha ha!) but he learns the value of each gift along the way. Some examples? The Gift of Family, the Gift of Friends, the Gift of Problems, the Gift of Gratitude, the Gift of Laughter etc. (I don’t want to give too much away! 😉 )
It’s not brilliantly filmed, and the acting is not top notch. For the film critics out there. But it was perfect for me and my little family. And it still is.
It’s a constant reminder for me to continue appreciating the value in each day, whatever that day brings! To laugh more! To be grateful! To keep on loving! To work hard! To give unselfishly! To cherish my friends!
It’s a feel good movie that will make you cry though! So best stock up on tissues beforehand!
And it’s a movie I hope my ‘adults’ will watch for many years to come, because all these things? These values? They’re worthy of repeating! ❤
Power… as in electricity. Not the kind that runs through our veins 😛 The kind that powers a household… lights, no camera, but fan action for the heat (no aircon). The kind that a business needs to be able to operate. The kind didn’t exist way back when.. but we’ve been really grateful ever since it got discovered!
WELL!!!
I’ve mentioned loadshedding before. Where they cut our power for time periods throughout the day and night. Suffice to say we have an energy crisis. BUT! In order for me to NOT get all political on you, and maintain my inner peace on this very humid Sunday morning, I shall refrain from saying more. You’ll have to Google it! Ha! (And it may be best not to discuss it with me 😛 )
ANYWAY…. we’ve reached pretty ridiculous levels of it the last few weeks.
(interesting side note : MY town, where I live, is the only one who loadsheds 3 and a half hours at a time! Everyone else has 2 and a half hour slots. Hmmmm.)
I’ve had more than my fair share of days where the schedule means that out of the 16 waking hours in my day, we only have power for SIX hours! Bearing in mind, my water supply dwindles when there is loadshedding too. So… in those 6 hours, I am trying to catch up with washing (clothes, dishes), shower, vacuum and clean the house, try and give attention to computer work stuff, etc. AND, our humidity levels have been at around 94%. With very little cool wind accompanying it. So when you are done rushing around trying to accomplish all you need to before the next time slot, and you’re starting to overheat, and finally get a chance to sit down. BAM! The fan goes off. Sigh!
BUT, HEY! AT LEAST WE STILL HAVE POWER, RIGHT? I have to work really hard to find the rainbows here 😛 😉
All of the above is my reason for being so absent.
Just when I was getting back into the swing of things, our ONLY electricity supplier said, ”NOPE!”
(Insert massive eye roll here 😛 )
Today, I have a reprieve of sorts. Our power was off last night from 11pm till 2:30am, and then again 3am till 6:30am this morning. The good news is that it means I have a whole day electricity today – unless they changes stages again and notify us last minute of a new schedule. My power will be off this evening again from 6pm till 9:30pm. But I have today 😉
My washing machine is working overtime, my vacuum cleaner awaits. But I had to pop in here and say HI 😉 Because I can 😉
And I thought I’d share some romance, just because. 😉
I love music. It’s hard to choose a genre. It’s even more difficult to pick a favourite song!
It’s been on my mind a lot the last few days and I find myself singing and humming it quite a bit. NOOOOO! There is no romance in the air – no new interest for me. (Loadshedding DOES mean occasional candles though, and what’s more romantic than that 😉 )
But perhaps it reminds me that one day there might still be. Who knows?!?!?!
What I DO know is that it makes me feel warm, and it makes me smile.
May you all have love in your lives this festive season. May someone glow when they think of you. May you touch someone’s heart.
May your world be romantic, even if just for a moment, even if not with a partner 😉 ❤
This is not a romantic post! And in case you’re concerned about me, I am not depressed about being single either! 😛 Sure, it would be nice to have a hand to hold, and a shoulder to lean on… but that’s a whole other post entirely! Ha ha!
I am also not going to focus on the horror that is happening in the world right now! (Who needs Halloween? 😦 ) My mind boggles and my heart actually hurts every time I happen to see something ‘newsy’. Because, truth be told, I am trying really hard to avoid ‘the multitude of hurts out there’. Not because I am trying to hide from it, or deny its existence. Simply because, at this point, it is causing me major distress and far too many tears. Coupled with the frustration of having zero control over any of it, and not being physically ‘in that place’ in order to help in some way. Well… I just need to try and avoid it at the moment.
There have been events this last week that have made me stop. Sit down, head in my hands, muttering out loud, ”Where is the love? How did we get here? Is it just temporarily invisible or is it gone?”
We see it everyday – impatience and rudeness with cashiers; irritation directed at the mommy who has an unhappy baby while standing in a queue; purposely not allowing someone into the traffic in front of you; avoiding helping others that you really could, because you’re ‘too busy’, or it would inconvenience you.
I think it was Oswald J. Smith who said : ”The heart of the human problem, is the problem of the human heart.” (I’ve seen it adapted to : the heart of the problem is a problem of the heart.)
For me, personally, love covers it all! Love is kindness, it is tenderness, it is patience, it is helpfulness, it is compassion…. and so much more!
I’ve been told way more times than I can count :
”You’re being unrealistic. You’re just a doormat. You deserve to get hurt. You’re idealistic. You’re so sunny, you make me sick.”
And those were from people who supposedly liked me 😛
But, everyone, I see the truth behind those words, and there are times that I need to concede that in a particular situation, they’re probably closer to being right than I am. Sigh.
There are times. But it’s not every time. And the unfortunate thing is that being this way is what works for me. It’s what keeps me alive, in a way.
Here’s what I know : I can’t change the world. I can’t impact all of it. In fact, considering how many people there are in this world, I probably won’t be able to positively impact even 1% in my entire lifetime!
BUT when it comes to this? THAT is not going to stop me!
I am still, and always will be, a firm believer in the ‘pay it forward’ effect – even before it was a ‘thing’, it was my belief. Perhaps it is something unrealistic that I need to hold on to, to keep me going? Who knows! In this instance, I actually don’t really want to know or care about the WHY, I just want to keep doing and being.
My theory is that if I can positively impact one person, they may be encouraged to impact another, and that other may be encouraged to impact someone far removed from me etc.etc.etc. (Please don’t try and change my mind – this is a worthy theory 😛 😉 )
A silly example : What if that mom in the queue with the crying baby is on the edge, wanting to give up? Perhaps her partner just left her, and she has no family or friends to help her. She’s in that queue, trying to work out in her head if she is going to have enough money to cover the needs her and her baby have in their basket. Her baby is miserable, because, well… teething… except she has been unable to give the poor little one anything because she has run out, and the bread and milk in her basket are unfortunately a higher priority right now. Perhaps she looks the way she does not because she is on drugs, but because she’s been up most of the night, ran out of coffee a few days ago already, and didn’t have the heart to leave her baby screaming while she took a quick shower. Perhaps she is just exhausted. Broken. AND THEN, a stranger in the queue in front of her (YOU!) turns around, not to stare with irritation at her crying baby, not to judge her appearance or add to her discomfort, but to smile at them both! To talk softly to baby and try and distract him or her. To tell Mom, ”oh dear, looks like you’re having quite a day!” To start a brief dialogue, that also distracts that Mom. And perhaps, as she straps baby in, perhaps she feels a slight shift in her hopelessness, because she has remembered that there is still a small measure of kindness (love) in this world. And it inspires her to reach out, instead of give up. And maybe later down the line, she helps someone else!
(Yes, this is what I do. I look around me, not to pass judgement, but instead to try and understand. And help, if I can. I do the story thing often! It distracts me from standing in the queue 😛 )
Of course, it isn’t always as I have outlined above. Sad realities are sometimes harsher.
We do need to be discerning; we do need to protect our hearts and minds in some cases.
But I choose to NOT live as if love is invisible, or gone. Even if I do it alone.
I want to be more kind. Judge less. I want to be graceful – showing mercy and compassion to others. I want to smile at strangers, talk with those other people don’t seem to ‘see’, allow someone to go before me, even if they don’t seem to deserve it.
Please leave me in my fairytale 😛 It makes me smile 😉
They say that the ‘art of writing is in the rewriting’. If this were 100% correct, then the blog post I will be publishing should be a masterpiece worthy of an award. Ha ha! I have worked on this post (written, deleted, rewritten) for almost four weeks now! Goodness gracious me! 😮
I’ve now reached the point of no return – I need to publish something, and so here it is. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. (She tips her hat, loops her thumbs in her leather belt, and puts one cowgirl boot forward. 😉 )
It’s been just over three months since my last blog post. That’s just sad! I didn’t realise it had been that long. And yet… at the same time… so much has happened in that ‘short space of time’ that it feels longer.
Long story short? (When have I ever managed to use less words when telling a story, ha ha?!? I’ll do my best here though…)
I’ve been extremely ill. And many will mutter ‘over exaggeration’, and that’s okay because even now when I think of it, it seems unreal that that is what I was reduced to! There were entire days where even getting to the bathroom seemed impossible, let alone trying to get my brain to focus! I went from Severe Bronchospasm, to Bronchial Pneumonia, then Pneumonia, and throw in some Pleurisy too. Along the way (at the beginning, with sufficient time in between) I had two Covid tests, but both were negative. Blood tests about 4 weeks ago (because I just wasn’t recovering) showed that I had indeed had Covid, and the conclusion was that I now have Long Covid. Up until the point of the tests, the fatigue (coupled with the chronic fatigue that I already suffer from) was debilitating, to say the least. Thankfully, treatment has been adjusted, and I can make it through a good few hours before I feel like my whole being will shut down. The ‘Porridge Brain/ Brain Fog’ is something else… especially for someone like me! If you love to read, like I do, you will understand my pain when I say : I could not even read half a page in my book! 😮 And apparently I have developed asthma!
The GOOD news is that I am definitely recovering! So, my beautiful blogging world, you’ve not heard the last of me yet! 😉
I already know that what I am about to type now is going to hurt me somewhere deep inside, and the tears will fall uncontrollably as I type, and I will have to stop to try and settle myself, so that I can see the keyboard and screen, and get through this. I feel my chest tightening already, and I am struggling to swallow the lump rising in my throat. I am actually feeling physical pain, as if my heart is breaking all over again 😦
Five weeks and one day ago, at 2:10pm, my beautiful big companion and very best friend (my boy, Toffee Dog, who I blogged about here, and have mentioned countless times along the way) collapsed. I had to rush him to the vet, somehow knowing that ‘this was it’. I still don’t know how I drove us there safely, and made it home safely. Because I sobbed, both ways. You’d need to read the blog post, and perhaps try to understand (draw on your sympathetic and understanding part of your mind), in order to appreciate the drastic impact this had on me. Honestly, it was the hardest goodbye of my life thus far. (He had a brain tumour.) And true to being a psychologists nightmare (which I often declare that I am, ha! 😛 ) I still struggle to say the above out loud, and my composure still shatters, five weeks and one day later, when I think about him too much! So… now that you have confirmed your suspicions that I am a special kind of crazy (I am smiling with my tears) let’s move on, shall we?
I’ll leave you with some good 😉
In the three+ months that I have been M.I.A from WordPress, despite physical and emotional pain, each and every day has given me an ‘in your face’ moment of gratitude. Something good has happened (albeit something small most days) in a way that I have been unable to overlook! An email; a message on my phone; assistance in some way (a meal delivered, my kids helping with the housework) – all things that brought a smile and a whispered ‘thank you’ to my lips. All things that equate to acts of love. Love that fanned the flame of hope, so that even if it wanted to, it could not die.
May hope spring eternal for all of you, every day, in some way! Please don’t forget that the world needs someone like YOU, and you are loved! ❤
Thank you for reading. ❤ Here’s to me writing to you all again soon 😉
I also like to think that that is how the light shines through.
It’s a nice thought : some of us are perfect. But it’s not true. Even if that is how we may perceive some people to be.
I painted this weirdo about ten years ago :
My favourite thing about him was his cracks. I loved filling them in, and in the odd spot? Adding in some of my own. 😉 For me, when he was finished, he was ‘perfect’. Just the way he was. He still stands in my home, and is one of my sources of joy.
This morning, I read (for the umpteenth time) this little story, and wanted to share it with you :
”A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”
The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”
If you’re feeling a little bit broken… (Side note : broken crayons still colour 😉 ) If you’re worried that you may not measure up… If you’re struggling to reach perfection in areas you are certain that you should have achieved it in… If you’re feeling inadequate, and imperfect?
Please remember : Without you being just the way you are, there would not be ‘this beauty’ (the beauty of you) to grace the world!!! You may feel like your light has grown dim, but it is still shining – and even dim light can brighten up the darkest room!
(And yes, we should all try to do better and be better… there is always room for improvement. But along the way, while you are trying, it’s important to remember that there is still beauty in you. You are loved ❤ )
I am well aware of the detriments of having a soft heart, and being willing to practice kindness on a level where your immediate response is to give/help. There have been plenty of naysayers in my life, who make enough noise about it, for me to not know. I suppose this is where my stubbornness (and rebelliousness, ha ha!) comes in… I still choose, and want, to have a soft heart, and give to others, and be kind. I still choose to sometimes sacrifice self and ‘nice things’ in order to that. I am not looking for a pat on the back here, and I do not expect anyone to ‘follow in my footsteps’ in any way. We are all different, and the world needs each and every one of us and whatever contribution we make to it. We are not all the same, and this is not always a bad thing. I am, however, setting the stage for ‘something’ that is close to my heart, and it’s something that I wish more people would at least consider… because there was a time that I didn’t.
Growing up, everything for me was conditional. Including love and acceptance. But that is a story for a book, and not a blog post. I am going to focus on one particular thing though, and I’ll explain at the end of this blog post my ‘why’ for today.
The something? The one thing? Well…. I was always taught that you nevergive money to beggars/street people. ”They will just waste it on alcohol or drugs. You are causing them to sin.” (Nope… we are not even going to discuss religion here… suffice to say I am fed up with religiosity in general. Another book topic, ha ha!) And I carried that with me my whole life… that attitude… that refusal to give any of my hard earned money to the beggars and people on the street so that they could purchase drugs and alcohol.
Until about six or seven years ago… I can’t recall the timing of it exactly, but I remember what happened.
An acquaintance of mine was on holiday, in a very cold place, and posted a picture on Facebook of her sipping a very full glass of sherry, captioning it, ”This seems to be the only way I can get warm tonight!” We were also experiencing a bit of a cold spell then, and I smiled as my mind went to all the people I knew who were probably doing the same. It was only the following evening that I had an epiphany and ‘my world changed’.
It was really cold, and had started raining, and I realised that I had forgotten to buy bread. I grumbled and moaned at myself as I drove up the road to the 24 hour convenience shop, to pay extra for a loaf of bread – my complaints were chastisement at the small amount of extra I’d be spending, ”how could you forget bread?”; and having to be out, again, in the cold and rain. I left the shop, climbing into my car and still grumbling because now I was wet as well…
And then I saw him. And something inside me broke.
The old African gentleman who was one of our homeless people, snuggling as close as he could get to the wall in order to try and take advantage of the small roof overhang to shield him from the rain. I was suddenly so ashamed of myself! It definitely stopped me in my tracks. I watched him pull a bottle of a well known brand of cheap alcohol around here from inside his coat, and take a long sip. And nowhere in me could I find that response, ”Typical. Probably starving, but bought alcohol instead.”
It was more like my mind screamed at me : ”If you lived on the street? If you had to stay exposed to this cold and rain all night? What would YOU do, Meg? Would you not have also opted for something to ‘dull’ the experience and hopefully somehow keep you warm, if possible?” I left the warmth of my car to give him the last of my cash that night – we were in for a cold spell with more rain for the next few days. And I went home and tearfully told the story to my children, and since then all three of us have different attitudes regarding this particular thing.
(I am well aware that we all make choices, and suffer the consequences thereof. But something I am very sensitive to as well is that sometimes there may seem to be NO other choice : the drug addicted street lady who sells her body, for drugs and not food? What if she ended up there because someone repeatedly robbed her of her innocence from a young age for years, until she ran away? What if the drugs help her forget that nightmare, because no one else has even tried? What if… what if… what if… Do I know their whole story? Who am I to judge? Sorry! *covering my eyes with my hands* These are things I am incredibly aware of, sensitive to, and passionate about!)
I can’t explain fully, because it needs another book… but the situation around here is dire, to say the least. My town no longer has a ‘government’ children’s home – the privately funded non-profits are full to capacity, and some overflowing. We also don’t have a homeless shelter. (Our current unemployment rate is more than 50%.) On any given day, in the short distance of just 2km (about 1.2 miles) I drive past at leastNINE ‘street dwellers’ begging for food or money. And those are just the ones I notice when my eyes are not fixed on the road. I travel roughly 90km per day…. I see a LOT of people in need.
Yes… my soft heart wants to help every. single. one. But I know my reality, and I know it is not possible for me.
But I have got ‘my people’ – specific individuals that I help – who live in my area. One older lady, I only encounter once a week.. so when I don’t see her one week, I get concerned and am always relieved to see her the following week. There’s a kid of about 13 that I see a couple of times a week. etc. etc. etc.
I mentioned earlier I would explain my ‘why’ for this post…. so here it is :
There is a guy who begs at the traffic light up the road from my house – I drive through there possibly six times most days. He’s a little bit wild looking, ha ha! His dreadlocks are mid neck level, and stick out all over the place most of the time. He has a lot of personality, and sometimes even does a cartoon-like jig for people waiting at the red light, to entertain them. Most ignore him, but every now and then I see someone hand him a coin or two for his effort. He has the biggest smile on his face most of the time too! He’s been hanging out there, every day, for the last 2 years. And I’ll admit it, initially I was a little afraid of him, because he really does look crazy. Nowadays, my kids and I affectionately refer to him as ‘our crazy friend’. And even though he sees me six times in a day, he knows he only gets something from me once in a day. He always says thank you… even if it’s a ‘drive by drop off out the window’…. he shouts it to me while I am driving away in traffic. He interests me, I wanted to know his story… and so I asked ‘my friends’ who work at the petrol station right there about him, about a year ago. All they could tell me was that he is actually a ‘clever man’… he finished high school and so he has some education. But his house burned down. And he lost his family. And had ‘bad friends’ and started using drugs. It made me sad. A couple of times, I have actually stopped and sat and chatted with him. Unfortunately, his way of living means that he doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense anymore. And we battle a huge language barrier – my Xhosa (the African language spoken in this area) is extremely limited! So our chats were always very animated – lots of pointing and gesturing, ha ha!
This morning I popped onto Facebook for a quick scroll. And I burst into tears.
I drove past my crazy friend at 5:15pm last night. He waved at me, and gave me the biggest smile. At about 6:30pm last night, some horrible person doing a STUPID speed, drove into my crazy friend. And drove away!!!!!!! Yes, it was a hit and run. And they still don’t know who that person is. The report is that my crazy friend is in very bad shape, and his chances of survival are slim – he was unconscious with severe head injuries at the scene. I know that if doesn’t survive, in a way it’s merciful, because his life on the street was extremely hard… especially here. But I am still sad. And angry with that careless individual who could just drive away!
And I know I am making myself vulnerable to all the thoughts of ”how ridiculously silly that this could affect her”, ”good grief, she’s way too soft”.
Perhaps it does make me weak... perhapsI deserve judgement for it… It doesn’t matter to me, either way. And I am not complaining about the sadness things like this bring to my life because yes… this IS the way I want to be, and what I choose. My consequences for my choices, I guess. Ha!
The take-away from all this? The thing I am ‘really trying to say’?
Perhaps the key to trying to ‘change the world by changing ourselves’ is to reflect on our giving? Are we giving, sharing, and being kind to only those who ‘deserve it and have earned it’, or are we willing to step forward and break out of the ‘box of conditional’ and give, share and be kind to those who ‘don’t seem to deserve it’? Can we change things if we stop expecting something in return, and stop demanding that people meet certain requirements in order to be loved?
(I don’t know what the right or wrong answer is in any of this! I just know I need to keep being me.)
Hoping that whatever the outcome for my crazy friend, that somehow he knew that he mattered to someone… he mattered to me!
Life is made up of moments. Some are good, some are bad. And some are worse. The ‘things’ in life are much the same. As are we, as people.
As individuals, we also have ‘our moments’. Sometimes I share something with someone, and then find myself giggling and adding, ”So there it is. The good, the bad and the ugly!” Naturally, my preference is to aim to have a lot more good to share than anything else! 😉
Social media definitely has its moments. I am only really active on Facebook. And even then, my ‘activity’ apparently leaves much to be desired! Ha! I am not very good at ‘stopping to capture things on camera’, so I’d quite possibly be an Instagram failure 😛 It would appear that I don’t do very well with these things either : #
I am relatively comfortable with Facebook though. It was my very first social media account, and I found ‘finding people I knew’ rather exciting and interesting. You’re about to shake your head in horror : but I even found it interesting to find the people I didn’t want to find! (They remained ‘found’ though – not added as a friend or contacted 😛 )
In the last few years, I have had to be very careful when it comes to ‘scrolling my newsfeed’ though. I have almost mastered not even stopping to read 80% of the things that my ‘Facebook friends’ post – I say almost, because sometimes I am so busy ‘scrolling to skip it’, that I miss things I would have loved to have seen! 😛
My avoidance of those posts is not because I am afraid of confrontation, or because I don’t think other people should be able to voice their opinions. It’s mostly because it is important to me to protect my inner peace. As a highly sensitive empath, I can become quite overwhelmed quite quickly.
This morning I found Facebook to be ugly, for me.
This world has changed so much, and this morning I found myself shaking my head sadly and muttering, ”Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse”, as I saw my timeline flooded with the Russia/Ukraine situation. I think I managed to read three posts, with comments, before I simply had to shut it down!
I found my heart hurting about the situation itself, and about the way people were speaking to each other – zero respect – just because opinions varied, about the amount of hate that was jumping out at me from my phone screen.
I needed more coffee!
(I don’t drink coffee to wake up! I wake up to drink coffee 😉 )
A few thoughtful sips had me reaching for my phone again. No, I am not a sucker for punishment! 😛 My theory was this : Life, as I know it, is made up of moments. There is bad, but there is also good. So somewhere in the bad in my newsfeed, there simply HAS to be a hidden gem of good, and I mustn’t miss it!
My brain kicked in as well 😛 (Okay, yes, I wake up to drink coffee… to wake me up 😛 )
My mind focused on names, as opposed to status updates. And I only stopped scrolling when I came across the name of someone who I knew ‘handled their Facebook’ very similar to the way I ‘handle’ mine – sharing positives, funny things, love and kindness as opposed to news headlines and personal opinions that lead to ‘comment fighting’.
I was not disappointed, because here this was :
I DO need to point out the following though :
YOUR fully, bravely and beautifully are YOURS! The same way mine is mine. Please don’t ever feel like you’re doing it wrong, or that you’ve failed, or that you’re a fool just because yours is different.
I overheard the guy behind me on his phone yesterday afternoon. I don’t know who he was talking to but I heard him say, ”I live my life to the fullest – that’s why I go fishing and surfing often. It would be a waste of my life if I didn’t. You’re wasting your life, bro!”
I DID wonder why he was making this assumption about ‘the bro’ on the other end of the line, and chuckled to myself : ”Well, Meg, you’re wasting your life! You don’t surf and you haven’t been fishing in about seven years!” 😛
I could chuckle because I know that fishing and surfing are not my ‘fully’.
So whether it is, or isn’t enough, for others : please go out today and do things fully, bravely and beautifully in the way that reflects YOU!
Thank you for reading ❤ Meg (who is not going surfing, or fishing! 😛 )
The weeks have flown by, and I have failed miserably at the ‘art of blogging’. I am winning though… more about that to follow 😉
The title word, and it’s meaning, is a word I can’t say I am too fond of. Growing up, I heard it far too many times! The sentence usually went something like this :
”That is unbecoming behaviour for a young lady!”
The year I turned five, I had a lovely birthday party at home with all my friends from pre-school. In those days I was not fond of wearing dresses, mostly because they were forced on me. (Nowadays I seldom wear them, but when I do wear a dress or a long skirt it is by choice, and I will admit that at those times dressing that way brings me pleasure.) My mother had purchased a dress for me for the party, to add to all those hanging in my cupboard, much to my dismay! It was white (good grief, I don’t even wear white now because I still can’t keep it clean 😛 ) with red polka dots. She made me wear my hair in pigtails, with bright red ribbons. The white shoes she purchased remained safe, as I kicked them off just a few minutes into the celebration! 😉 There was a stern reminder shortly before my guests arrived that I was a young lady, and should behave accordingly. And I was fine for the first little bit. Then all us children went outside to my front garden to play.
The girls flitted about, shyly giggling and picking flowers. The boys began a game of ‘touches’, and were soon running off some of their energy. Michael and James had other plans. (YES! I still remember their names – just not their surnames, and I can even tell you what they looked like, but I have no idea what happened to them after we left pre-school, or where in the world they are now!) These boys were trouble for a ‘lady’, but they were who I chose to spend most of my time during school hours with, ha ha! Their plan was to climb the Plumeria tree (also known as a Frangipani) in our garden… and I was all for it! With a quick glance towards the house to make sure that my mother was still inside, I took off running behind them and soon I was climbing…. IN MY DRESS! The trouble that would come my way if my mother caught me was nothing compared to the trouble I actually did get into in the end! If only we’d stayed away from that one branch! It was longer than the others, and we decided that we could all sit on it, in a row, and observe the others playing games and picking flowers. James went first. And all was well. I slowly crept towards him, and giggled when he said, ”We should get on the roof. Imagine the view then!” Safely settled, we motioned to Michael, and he hesitantly scooted along on his bottom. I saw my aunt come out of our house, and disappear quickly back inside. And I whispered to the boys, ”Uh oh, we better go! My mother’s coming!” I believe the branch was busy dying… and our sudden panicked haste probably didn’t help matters, but the next thing there was a loud noise and we all fell to the ground, branch included!
None of us had any broken bones – but all three of us were winded. And my dress got torn! We caught our breath, and all began to laugh. Until my mother arrived to stand before us, hands on her hips, muttering about my behaviour and my dress! I was taken back into the house, to change and wash my face because it was dirty, and of course receive the stern lecture I knew would come if I got caught. I spent the rest of my party seated on the verandah with the other girls who were then playing with my dolls. At bedtime that evening it was like someone had pressed play on a tape recorder as the words came again, ”That is not how a lady behaves. I am so disappointed!”
And I remember thinking as that little girl : ”But what if I don’t want to be a lady?”
The irony is that I tend towards being one anyway, ha ha! My friends often tease (and it really is a loving tease, and we laugh together about it) that I am sometimes so ‘prim and proper’, so ‘elegant and correct’, (although they always assure me that it is never in a stuck-up way!) and when I use big words my one young friend giggles and comments, ”Yes, Miss Cultured”. I remember going to a biker’s rally once and having one of the guys tease me that ‘a girl like me is too sophisticated and classy for a joint like this’ – that made me laugh so loud, I think he changed his mind 😛
There are times when I truly enjoy being a lady these days – but if I’m not wearing a dress and it’s a relatively easy climb, you might even find me up a tree 😉
So that explains – in a rather long winded manner, sorry! – why the word unbecoming is not one I am fond of. ALL that said though, there is this :
And I happen to like the word as it is being used in the image above. There are things from childhood, from my teen years, and possibly even things drilled into me as a young adult, that have become, for me, ”limiting beliefs”. These things have contributed to the issues I have with self esteem – and have brought with them guilt and shame in so many ways! And so, as the word stands in the image above, I have begun down the uneven and unknown path in my journey where I am trying to let go of a lot of those things, and acknowledge that there may actually be a chance that ”they” were wrong. It’s not easy, and at times it’s quite exhausting. There are things that I don’t want to have arguments in my head about 😛 BUT…..
Back to the beginning of this blog post? I am winning, everyone! 😉
I am not getting everything I want. I am not getting to avoid the hard things. I am not getting an immediate relief from guilt and shame. I am not getting the instant ability of undoing the limits.
BUT I AM GETTING SO MUCH MORE along the way, as I occasionally stub my toe on a rock I didn’t see. 😛 And this time, I am truly appreciating each of those lessons!
Thank you for sticking around to read 😉 Here’s to unbecoming – in a ladylike manner 😛 😉 I hope you are all well ❤
There are still times in my life, and I am sure there always will be, where I find myself questioning and grappling, and even sometimes frustrated, when it comes to ”purpose”.
Not just its definition, or how it applies to my own life, or whether or not I have found it etc. But also on the days where something happens and I end up asking it in a different way : something along the lines of ”Well, what is the purpose of that?”
I very much doubt that I will ever have a concrete answer for any of it. That one word – purpose – and our lives and the situations we find ourselves in and how it applies and all comes together, and what it means, and and and…. well, the answers are just as infinite and the layers of them exponentially greater than those of any onion. (For those who have seen the movie, yes… I just used a ‘Shrek‘ reference 😛 )
Last week, I had a lengthy catch up telephone conversation with a young lady (she’s in her late twenties now) who I have known since she was 5 years old. I went from being her mom’s friend, when she was a little girl, to now being her friend, and big sister. (In fact, she has me listed as her sister on Facebook, which confuses many people – I get messages from old school acquaintances sometimes, who feel terrible for not knowing that I had a sister, ha ha ha!)
In this conversation, she was telling me about her husband’s sister who is a really talented singer, and is struggling to get a break – she’s young and naive and being taken advantage of by our local music world. We ended up talking about purpose in general. My friend, herself, is also frustrated – she has passions and talents, and just can’t seem to ‘get her break’ either. I offered her support, love and encouragement in ways, and with words, that I thought might be helpful. And there was a happy end to our conversation, and she still loves me… so I think I did okay 😛
The last few days have been grappling days for me. Days where my head is swimming with things like, ”What if what I am doing is not enough? What if I am failing at living out the purpose intended for me? Why isn’t there writing on my wall with a definitive that I can work from? Am I doing it wrong, because there isn’t actually anything tangible being produced here? I have nothing to show for any of it! What am I going to do?”
And this morning the friend that I mentioned above send me a picture message, and captioned it, ”This is you, endlessly! I love you, Meg!”
So I’ll end with the message to me, and share it as a message to all of you out there who may be able to identify with how I have been feeling (these feelings are temporary, but hey, they exist, so we might as well offer each other some encouragement for when we’re stuck in them, right? 😉 )
Apparently that is what today is… and although I had hoped it meant that I could just go back to bed and sleep, it doesn’t 😛
I was reading about the history of this day, and I’ll share the excerpt with you… the bold part of it being the part that stood out for me the most, and made me smile :
Dream Day was set up by an instructor at Columbia University in 2012 as a way of helping us all achieve our dreams and to make the world a better place. The creator of the day is Ozioma Egwuonwu; a transformational strategist and educator. It was her aim to create a day that would help to heal and inspire humanity.
These days, any mention of this pandemic that our world is facing, seems to bring negative words to mind. In all honesty, the amount of disrespect and hate that I have encountered in my entire lifetime, has been superseded by the amount I have seen and experienced in the past 18 months. And it all links back to the virus. It makes me hurt, in so many ways!
And so as I read those words, ”help to heal and inspire humanity”, my heart soared as I smiled and almost shouted out loud, ”Oh man! YES! We need days like this, and not just for dreaming!”
If you want to read more about Dream Day, then you can go here.
Another quick share from the article :
Dream Day is a vital day in terms of honoring the role that dreams play in all of our lives. Even more importantly, it is a day whereby we all inspire one and other, helping our loved ones, peers, and even strangers to put a plan in action to make positive changes in their lives and the wider world.
And then, my Facebook post for today….
I am sure you know what I am going to say now 😛
It’s the weekend, and we have a whole new week ahead of us : please can we all not only be kind, but let’s look for ways to inspire and encourage one another – maybe even find ways to do so that will be practical in helping them get one step closer to their dream!
Let’s make it Dream Day, every day! (I wonder if we could get away with pyjama shopping…. hmmm. 😛 )
Please be safe, everyone. Thank you for stopping by ❤
nopassingfancy 