random acts of kindness

”Actions speak louder than words.”

I understand that this age old proverb is wise and valuable. But we need to be careful when and where and how we choose to apply it. To be honest, it is actually a proverb that I don’t like. Not at all. Partially because it has been ‘thrown at me’ way too many times, and in situations that actually made it meaningless. I’ll give you an example – but not from my own life. I saw someone share this proverb as an image on Facebook this morning, and while it brought back so many bad memories for me, it also made me think of an old friend of mine – probably because she shared my sentiment about the proverb itself! So here is a piece of her story, we’ll call her Jess.

Jess was bright and talented. She was a girl who was going places. She was outgoing and lively, and one of those types of people who had a very clear path mapped out for what her life was going to look like.
Towards the end of her final year at high school, at 18 years of age, Jess fell pregnant. She was not married, and not in a relationship either. She completed her high school education, and gave birth a few months later. Her baby boy was put up for adoption.
And the people who ‘knew her’… knew her personality and her plan for her life? Well, they judged accordingly.
“Being that outgoing and lively, and I guess flirtatious? Well, I am not surprised she ended up pregnant! And as for giving the baby away? Well, he didn’t exactly fall into her mapped out plan for her life, did he?”
And in some ways, their words and judgements seemed to fit.
I met Jess three years later. I heard the background from the mutual friend who first introduced us. He added, ”I don’t know how much of it is true as such, but she’s never disputed any of it, so I guess it must be.”
A few years later Jess told me ‘the story’ – her story. And it made me cry for her.
Jess had been very involved in rowing when she was in her final years of high school. There was a huge regatta, with teams from all over the country. Afterwards, there was a social function. Jess had said her goodbyes, and made her way to her car. It was dark, and the light she thought she had parked under happened to have a blown bulb. One of the guys from a visiting team, who had had too much to drink, had followed her. He raped her. And she fell pregnant.
Her parents were sickly, and poor. They left the decision up to her, but told her that they could not help with the baby. She soul searched and got counselling for months, and decided that it was best to give him up. She never had anymore children, and to be honest, I don’t think she ever quite got over giving her little one away.
After she told me her story, I asked her why she had never defended herself when the rumours began.
Her words were, ”People will believe what they want to – even when you tell them the truth. It’s their choice. And let’s face it, my actions – who I was – seemed to match up pretty well with their version. I also didn’t want everyone to know that I had been raped. Or how poor we really were. I was ashamed. So I just left it alone. But Meggy, the lesson in there for me was this : never judge another because you really don’t know the things they had to choose from. There is ALWAYS a story. There is always a reason. And unless you know it in it’s entirety, don’t listen to others, don’t judge, don’t assume.
And I can say with absolute certainty that she truly lived that lesson in her life!

Today is ”Random Acts of Kindness Day”

The story above may seem extreme, and I am sure you are wondering how it ties in to ‘the day’ we are supposed to be celebrating….

Well….

When it comes to ‘random acts of kindness’, there is often reference to ‘paying for a stranger’s coffee’, or ‘smiling at and complimenting someone you don’t know’, or ‘baking cookies for an old age home’ etc.
And these are all very valid and very beautiful things to do.

But what if, inwardly, instead of judging or being irritated by the tramp, the alcoholic, the drug addict, the prostitute, we stop for a moment and actually see them? What if we do ourselves a kindness by opening that box in our hearts that contains compassion and understanding? What if, instead of only seeing the action, we choose to see that perhaps something truly terrible may have happened to them in their youth, or at whatever stage in their lives, that has actually caused the action we are seeing now?

Some people may never actually tell their story. But most times, there will be something in their actions/behaviour that will confirm that there is definitely a story to be told, and that it isn’t pretty.

Not judging others, even in small ways, is difficult to do. It is something I have wrestled with many times. Especially when their actions are hurtful to me personally. As I have got older though, I have carried the words Jess said to me in my heart, and find myself more easily able to refer to them and practice them. Especially now that so many parts of my own story tie in with it.

On this day (and every day, really) I will not only find ways to be kind to others….
I will also be kind to myself…
By acknowledging how unfair and hurtful it is when others judge my actions or behaviour and shun me, without knowing my story, or even caring to ask my why…
And not doing the same to the people I encounter in my life.

4 thoughts on “random acts of kindness

  1. This is such a powerful story. I also do think that compassion, empathy and truly listening to/understanding others is the way to a more fulfilling life and the gateway to emotional connections with other people. Thank you so much for sharing! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Meg, you are amazing. Honestly, I never ever come to your blog without feeling inspired and deeply touched by your words. You share such raw truths that penetrate even the hardest spots in our hearts, even when we wish those spots weren’t there. It’s so true – we have no clue what someone has endured to get to where they are. In many cases (even in my own life), deep traumas create repressed memories that then produce unwanted behaviors. It takes many many years of deep inner healing and being honest with ourselves, coupled with self-compassion to really see change. When we can take an honest look at our own stories, why not extend that same empathy to others? We often fail to be compassionate to ourselves and that same judgment flows out of our wounded hearts to others.

    Jess’s story is heartwrenching. I am so so sorry for the pain she endured. God bless her heart. I cannot imagine how hard that choice must have been for her to give her baby up. It’s enough to bring me to tears. I can almost hear and see the rudeness of judgment toward her and how that must have angered her and broken her heart as if the situation weren’t difficult enough all its own.

    These lines were unbelievably powerful: “Some people may never actually tell their story. But most times, there will be something in their actions/behaviour that will confirm that there is definitely a story to be told and that it isn’t pretty.” — All I can do is nod my head in agreement. I’ve lived it personally. It is true. The behavior usually is not stand-alone in nature. There is typically a pattern of wrong thinking and internal beliefs about self that lead to destruction in its many forms.

    Sending my love to you. I adore your kind heart. You change this world, one person at a time. Thank you Meg for simply being who you are! You are LOVED! 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am not only blushing, but feeling a little bit tearful this time too. Thank you for that truly beautiful comment, Holly. You touch my heart and soul so often too! I am very grateful that the internet has allowed me the opportunity to connect with you ❤ ❤ ❤
      I hear you about not being compassionate to ourselves… I also think that sometimes we just suffer so much judgment from others, that that causes the judgment to spill out of our hearts towards others too.
      It's difficult to unlearn things… but we can sure as heck try!
      Making a difference, one life at a time, is exactly what I want to do with the remainder of my days.
      Thank you for your kindness and love, sweet Holly. Sending much of the same back to you ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s