Suddenly

Isn’t is amazing how quickly things can change?

On Wednesday, we were adjusting to the ‘return to school’ routine – very different to the usual school time routines, and not only because times had changed, but also from the perspective of the current pandemic and all the checks and sanitising, before and during school hours. Then of course, repeating it all upon returning home.

On Thursday evening, our President announced that schools would close again on Friday, for a month. My daughter got three days of ‘normalcy’, and then was thrown back into ‘stay at home’. I found myself singing Billy Ocean’s song ‘Suddenly‘, but of course only the word ‘Suddenly’ really applied.

I noticed the change in her after the announcement – like a switch had been flipped.Β 

She has been ‘fine’ throughout our situation here – despite not seeing anyone for more than 100 days (I believe our very strict lock down has been over 140 days now – crazy! That means it’s been that long since I have had any social time with my friends too! We’re not allowed to visit in each others homes – it’s against the law. BUT we can go to the casino together and expose ourselves there?!?!?!)
It’s been strange to have her coping so well, simply because she is the most social of the three of us. She is a teen girl who has always thrived being around others – definitely not an introvert by any means. It’s almost like she has always ‘fed off the energy of others’.
But two weeks ago, she had a melt down. She came to me, laughing about something, and I started laughing too – then all of a sudden, her face changed and she burst into tears.

I feared someone had said something to upset her – apparently not. Her words were, ”I don’t know what’s wrong. I think I am losing my mind. This lock down is making me crazy”. We spoke for a long while, and the upside for her was that in a week she would see people again, with the return to school. She was back to her bright, chatty, almost impossible ( πŸ˜› ) self when I fetched her that first day! The announcement had a huge impact.

A couple of months ago, she started with a strange breathing problem. I have stayed on the alert since then, checking for other symptoms, but it’s definitely not the virus. She would be breathing, big gasps almost, saying that it felt like that last little bit just wasn’t filling her lungs. Now… I get the same when I am too anxious… and I wondered if it was possible that she was now anxious because of the current situation.
I had to take her to the doctor for her shoulder on Friday. She did something to it during one of her Zoom dancing classes. Apparently the trapezius muscle is in spasm and is strained – I told her ‘I knew you were too funny’, and then had to explain – trapeze = circus = clown. It’s a running joke in our house how she misses the humor – and yes, she laughs about it too!
SO… while we were at the doctor, I explained about her breathing. He checked her oxygen levels, which were 99%!!!! And listened to her chest – no issues there. Then he asked her a few questions, and yes, it’s anxiety. He gave her a few tips, and suggested a proven, herbal pill to help her cope.

I found myself humming ‘Suddenly’ on the way home… and actually disappeared to my room to listen to it when we got home. And I found something in there for her, and I, and the anxiety and pandemic, ha ha ha! It’s funny how our brains operate, and find things in the strangest of places – like finding inspiration and a sense of peace in a love song, to apply to something that has nothing to do with romantic love πŸ˜›

(And please don’t get me wrong, this does not come from a ‘place of perfection’. I have not achieved the ultimate 24 hour peace and happiness, as such. I still have moments where I am tearful, or angry. I still struggle sometimes to make sense of it all, and it affects the way I am feeling. Sometimes it only lasts an hour, sometimes it lasts a day. But then I retake the stock in my attitude and emotions, and make a come back πŸ˜‰ Seeing the effects manifest in my beautiful teenage ‘baby girl’ hurt me deeply, and I was sad – and angry – about it on Friday, for a good few hours.)

I let her listen to the song – and after that she kind of rolled her eyes and said, ”MOM! That’s a love song!!!! How does that help me?”
The gist of what followed was this :

Suddenly, in this pandemic, life has new meaning – although some would say there is just no meaning at all. We look at what is happening in our country, and the rules and regulations that make absolutely no sense, and there is little meaning in it all.Β 
We cannot control anything that is happening around us and to us as a result.Β 
But we still have our own feelings, perspectives, attitudes – which we can control.Β 

As bad and sad as we may feel, we need to remember that there is still beauty in this world, and in our lives. Our vision is blurred by the situation and circumstances, and so we need to make an effort to seek it out, and we’ll find it. It may be in something small, but it’s better than nothing at all. It’s in the things we forget to take notice of – the silly things sometimes too. There may be little about the pandemic to love, but there is still much about ourselves and our lives that weΒ can love.Β 

She was quiet for a few minutes, and then she started laughing. I gave her my raised eyebrow / questioning look, and she answered me πŸ˜‰
”Well, I don’t have to see Jared and have awkward moments for another month (he’s her ‘ex boyfriend’); and I can shower and put on a new pair of pj’s when I don’t have dancing; and I can still video call with my friends and not have to stop myself from randomly hugging them.” Yesterday, she came through to my room laughing, because her and her two best friends had come up with four other advantages to the current situation.

Here’s hoping that we all find the parts of life that we can love, despite the circumstances. That we notice the beauty in our current stressful and unusual situations. And that when we find that we are lacking in reasons to laugh, that we find the courage to be honest, and reach out, and ask our friends and family to help us to.Β 

 

16 thoughts on “Suddenly

  1. Oh my word.
    Once again I am glad I have no kids around.
    Just a partner who has a meltdown when our water is cut off…again.
    We will not even talk about when we have load shedding at the same time as no water!
    My son has a new catch phrase.
    He says “good people do not obey bad laws”
    Visit a friend.
    Just make sure she has not been exposed.
    Are you on facebook?
    If you give me your surname, maybe I can find you and we can chat.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha Granny! I must admit, I am rather relieved that I don’t have a partner on top of my two to deal with at the moment. And trust me, things are always tense with my two when there’s no electricity and water πŸ˜›
      Our laws most certainly are bad, aren’t they? :/
      Do you have WhatsApp, Granny? It’s so much easier than Facebook! If yes, please send me your number ❀

      Like

  2. Hi Meg,
    Thank you for bringing humour into the darkest of situations.
    I think that the biggest problem is that there seems to be no continuity in the rules that are being made. Even today in the UK people have been told that upon returning from Spain travellers are required to self isolate for 14 days.

    In terms of your situation and that of your family I am sorry to hear about your daughter’s health concerns but pleased that she has been able to put a positive spin on things.
    Suddenly is a really beautiful song and stirs up many emotions and thank you for sharing it with us.

    I have to admit that I have spent a lot of time recently listening to The Old Rugged Cross along with You raise me up.

    Stay safe and take care of yourself and your family ❀️
    My thoughts and prayers remain with you all πŸ™β™₯️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah, The Old Rugged Cross… one of my grampie’s favourites πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
      Thank you for your comment and well wishes. You are a wonderful friend, and I am sending love and prayers to you too. ❀

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Good morning My Friend,
        I am having real problems with WordPress and don’t always see comments.
        I have 3 Google accounts and you never know which 1 you are logged into.
        Enough about me though I have been hearing a great deal about South Africa recently especially with Covid 19 and its effects and my thoughts and prayers reach out to you and your family and I am grateful to you for your friendship.β€οΈπŸ€—πŸ€—
        I hope that we all learn something about ourselves in these difficult times but also that we are all able to support each other in ways that no no bounds.
        I hope that you all remain safe and take care of yourselves πŸ™β€οΈπŸ€—

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, my friend. We’ll all get through this, one way or another πŸ˜‰ And we’ll find a way to smile while doing so.
        Much love to you ❀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “like finding inspiration and a sense of peace in a love song, to apply to something that has nothing to do with romantic love

    I do that, too! :). I find some very inspirational or soothing songs that way.

    I’ve missed reading your posts, I’ve been struggling to do much lately and especially reading, and always seem to miss yours when I check. But now I’m feeling nostalgic, remembering how uplifting your posts are!

    Megs, you’re like the best mother ever, lol. It truly sounds like you’ve passed on some very very strong and good qualities to your daughter! You are all doing extremely well after so long in such a strict lockdown.

    I guess another positive way to look at the sudden changes in lockdown statusβ€” is that at least she and her friends did get 3 days back together at school again. Just that little break from the lockdown situation and isolation can make a big difference :). A little reminder of normality to hold on to.

    I’ve been rediscovering music lately, I’m currently listening to Life In Letters by Lucy Schwartz. Try it out, it’s very soothing πŸ’™.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Robs!!! So nice to ‘see you’ here again! ❀

      Be careful what you say – I have a tendency to mother everyone…. even people older than me, ha ha ha ha! Thank you though – you warmed my heart with those words. I am nowhere near perfect, and have much to improve on in my parenting skills.. but I always try and do my best, and be wise…. and that's all I can do, really.

      I will definitely check out that song. Thinking of you and sending love and happy thoughts and wishes your way ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hope you are doing well there sweets. I keep reminding myself positives of this period too but still have my break down moments. On a positive side I cleared one level of my certification which I started few months back. Have been trying to do it for last 3 years. Now, I am preparing for another level of it and simultaneously applying for jobs very aggresively. I am hopeful. I hope your daughter is doing good there too. Sending lots of love your way. Take care you guys. πŸ€—β€

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hold on to hope, my lovely friend. It will happen for you. I am thinking of you all the time ❀
      We are all okay thanks.
      Congrats on your achievement. ❀ Keep at it! You've got this!
      Lots of love to you ❀

      Like

      1. Glad to know❀ . I know it’s frustrating to be under lock down and have not been able to meet and see your loved ones. Just praying it all to be over soon and life to go back to normal…normal without the fear.

        Liked by 1 person

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